Tuesday, October 25, 2005

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.


E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.


ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.


P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.


D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.


F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.


M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?.


BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.


J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.


A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.


N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.



I really need some of that St. Momma's Wort. And I'm allergic to Menicillin which makes me dangerously susceptible to getting infected by the crush virus, especially from men who say nice things to me.

6 comments:

Kat said...

I could use some of that jackassprin right now! lol

eatmisery said...

I could use some Damnitol right now. I don't need any Peptobimbo. All I have to do is keep getting pregnant and my boobs will never go away again. Yeesh.

DHammett said...

Too bad there's not a list of these for men. Maybe something like JACKOFFSPIRIN for men whose women have just taken DAMNITOL.

Verification:HDAKE

Chris said...

I could use some POSTCOITISOL on occasion. A drug that induces the effects of those 15 minutes after sex when I finally get a break from thinking about sex.

I would get so much done.

Rae Ann said...

kat, maybe we can come up with drops of that to put in their drinks.

em, I think that pregnancy is the same thing as Peptobimbo.

dh, LOL, I think you could create a great list of stuff for men!

chris, I think that one should be for men and women! I would be much more productive too. lol

Joseph said...

So, I do not really believe it will have effect.
play games