Pimp My Ride

Well.... I did end up getting car, but it isn't American and it cost only a fraction of a brand new American car....

It is a 2005 Scion (made by Toyota) xB:






Pimped grills.


Thumpin' pimped amps and speakers. (but I kind of like that, lol)


Isn't it cute? It's my first foreign car. The guy who had it before us did all the cool customizations.

The main reason we got it, though, is because it gets 30-35 mpg which is more than twice what the beastly Expedition gets (about 14 mpg). If one is so-inclined he can accuse us of "going green", but in my world green = $$$ saved and not "saving the planet." ;-) We still have the Expedition (the beast) and still need it for hauling around all the extra kids that seem to congregate here. The xB only seats 5 compared to 8 with the beast. And it is paid for too.

Buying a car these days is almost as much hassle as buying a house, even when you pay with cash instead of getting a loan. You'd think if someone came in with a stack of cash they'd skip all the crap, but no, they still have all those forms and formalities. Blame it on the government. And it's just too bad for all the UAW people and the US automakers that we didn't buy one of their over-priced products. As I mentioned previously, we've already paid them enough (in bailouts) for a new car without actually getting anything.

And I finally got to do something that I've been thinking about for a while. I decided that the next time I have to fill out any kind of form that asked for "race" or "ethnicity" I would check the "other" box and specify that I am a "White Native American." Well, how many generations and centuries does it take to be considered "native"? I figure my people have been here pretty much since the beginning of the white "colonization" so probably I'm genetically separated enough from most Europeans to be considered ethnically distinct.

A Little Car Talk

Well, not that we really want or need to take on any new car payments right now, but since we are patriotic Americans we were thinking that it might be good to stimulate the eonomy and buy new a car (my birthday is also an excuse). So I started looking online at all the different American auto-makers' sites to see what is out there. Honestly, there wasn't much to interest me. Mainly, I am not looking to replace my family car, a 2003 Expedition which I still like a lot and it's paid for, or my fun car, the Corvette. If I'm going to get a car right now it has to be something really cool and worth the trouble of a new payment.

I do like the Cadillac Escalade, but it's basically the same thing as the Expedition and I don't really want/need another SUV. I also like the Saturn Sky, but it's pretty much the same as the Corvette. The only other car that looked good was the Dodge Challenger. I like its retro late 60s - early 70s design:



So David and the boys went to look at them today while I stayed home to enjoy some peace and quiet. ;-) There must not be too much of a crisis for Dodge if they are expecting people to pay $50,000 for something. Now, I appreciate that the Challenger is their "special" model, but come on... I could buy a brand new Corvette for $50K if I wanted to spend that much. Hello? Earth calling Dodge.

The dealership was closed because it is Sunday so they couldn't talk to any salesmen, but if I had been there and they had been open they would have gotten a real good talking to about the reality. They must not be hurting too bad for sales and money if they think they are going to sell anything for that much money right now. Besides, they've already gotten a bunch of our tax money so that amount should automatically be deducted from the prices. If they really need to make a sale then they would just have to take what they could get. I mean really.

So I won't be buying a new car right now, and so there is that much less stimulation of the economy. Sorry, but if Dodge or GM or whoever is really interested in moving some inventory then they're just gonna have to do better than $50 f-in' K for some nostalgic ride.

My Business Plan For GM

Despite my evil ranting sometimes, I really can be pretty generous with nice things too. ;-)

Here's my free advice to GM, if only they would listen.

1. Do away with Buick. Seriously. Anything that sounds like vomiting is a bad idea. If the old people want "luxury" let them buy a Cadillac.

2. Do away with GMC. All of those cars are just the same as Chevys with different skin. Wasteful repetition.

3. Do away with Hummer. They were just a fad, a passing fancy, mostly for guys who were trying to compensate for lacking something.

4. Do away with Saab. Boring. Nothing special.

5. Do away with Pontiac. This is a little painful for me since I grew up in Pontiacs, and I still have my first car, a 1978 Firebird. But Pontiac has pretty much become more redundancy and nothing very exciting.

6. Keep Cadillac. There will always be some market for luxury, even in a bad economy. Hey, I'd buy an Escalade if I wanted to take on making car payments again, but my car is paid for and that's too good to change right now.

7. Keep Corvette. This is a no-brainer, but they really need to improve their marketing for it. These are consistently highly rated and good performers. But they are also pretty good with fuel mileage. GM should emphasize this fact. Advertise that getting good mileage will never look or feel better, or something like that. Mine can get 30 mpg on long trips and between 22-24 in the 'city', depending on how I drive. ;-)

8. Keep Saturn. Give it a chance. I'm not too familiar with them except the Sky, which is stunningly cute. The other Saturns I've seen on the road don't look so bad.

9. And of course, keep Chevrolet, at least most of them. Maybe eliminate the duds that just haven't moved. And keep the planned 2010 Camaro reintroduction. There is a nostalgia market for that.

Eliminating so many lines will of course result in lots of lay-offs, but that's just the way it will have to be. There is no market for so many cars and it just can't be sustainable for all those people to keep getting paid to make what isn't wanted or needed. As I suggested previously, if the UAW thinks it is so indispensable then let them buy out some of the lines that GM needs to shed.

Obviously, I don't like these bailouts in the guise of "loans" to companies that haven't operated profitably for a long time because of their own bad decisions and poor planning. I do feel a little sorry for the actual factory workers who will lose their jobs, but then again, how bad can you feel for people who have pretty much been babied and coddled in a world that isn't realistic? I've toured the Corvette assembly plant, and some of those people are paid $30+ an hour plus excessive benefits for steering a machine that tightens some nuts and bolts and that's about it.

Maybe the workers should file some class action lawsuits against their stupid bosses? That would be better than demanding money from the government.

Times are tough for all of us. But it can get better if everyone gets their heads out of their asses and accepts that they will have to adapt and adjust instead of expecting everything to always stay the same.

Adaptation to Gas Prices

Some places are beginning to consider changing over to four (10 hour) work days in order to reduce their gas budgets. I've also heard of a local school system and another local government considering this change. Utah is going to the four day workweek for most government offices, except prisons, courts, and public universities. I think this is a creative adaptation to the current economic problems brought on by the insane gas prices, though it won't be without some problems and adjustments. I'll be curious to see if this 4-day week will become a permanent condition in Utah and if it will become a more common tactic across the country. Watch the video with Utah's governor:

Very Cute Car

Photo from Business Week.

I've been seeing these incredibly cute little roadsters lately and was very surprised to learn that they are made by Saturn. They are the Saturn SKY. Well, actually, the really cute ones are the Red Line series.



I have to say it's about 89% as cute as my Corvette. Maybe that's because it looks a little to me like baby Corvette. ;-)

It has an Ecotec engine and is supposed to be pretty peppy, but from the information on the webpages it doesn't outperform a Corvette in either fuel efficiency or power (260 hp vs. 345 hp). And even though a new SKY is about half the price of a new Corvette, I'm not about to go trade my vette for a SKY. But dang, they sure are cute little head-turners. And I'm not usually so easily impressed with new cars anymore.

Well, kudos to General Motors. Some American cars are still pretty cool.

My First YouTube

Well, it's not much, but if you have a minute and a half you can watch my very minimalist "Carbon Indulgence" (Soakin' up the sun while it's still free) in the name of Sheryl Crow, who (surely everyone has heard by now) has become a new preacher of the "green" AntiChrist. ;-)

Ridin' With PB 16

Dear Pope Benedict XVI,

I'm not sure of the proper way to address your Excellency or whatever. ;-) Please forgive my American informality. With all due respect I admire your intelligence, reason, faith, and diplomacy. If I may, I'd like to make you an unusual offer. In light of the recent controversy over your words about the nature of Islam and the resulting confirmation of your statements, I'd like to provide you with an opportunity to express how you really feel about the death threats and other nonsense in a personal and private way.

Sometimes it's necessary to express our displeasure through some form of empathic projection or other therapy. I realize that you have a real close relationship with God and that He sustains you in all the ways you need, but I think God would not be too upset with you if you joined me for a little joyride. Sometimes when I'm feeling put-upon I'll get in my (red) Corvette convertible and drive around playing some loud music. This is a "safe" way to express the thoughts and feelings I have that I can't otherwise fully express in good conscience.

What in particular I have in mind is that we could listen to "Ridin" by Chamillionaire and sing along but change some of the words if you'd like. The first part is okay as is (actually it's the best part):

They see me rollin'
They hatin'
Patrollin'
And tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
My music so loud;
I'm swangin'
They hopin'
That they gon' catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty

Well, don't you agree that it fits with your situation? Those crazy Jihadists love to try to catch you ridin' dirty (criticizing Islam). In this next part you can think of the "police" and "law" as the Jihadists, and you can think of all the other stuff as just 'fluff' that makes you feel like a badass, kind of like all the papal vestments and all that. ;-) The parts that I've made bold type are parts that I think you'd really appreciate.

Police think they can see me lean;
I'm tint so it ain't easy to be seen.
They see me ride by, they can see the glean
And my shine on the deck and the TV screen.
Ride with a new chick, she like "Hold up."
Next to the Playstation controlla;
well have a full clip, in my pistolla
that I'm a send a jacker into a coma.
Girl, you ain't know, I'm crazy like Krayzie Bone;
Just tryin' to bone, ain't tryin' to have no babies.
Ride clean as hell so I pull in ladies.
Law's on patrol; you know they hate me.
Music turned all the way up and to the maximum;
I can speak for some niggas tryin' to jack for some.
But we packin' somethin' that we have
And, um, will have a nigga locked up in the maximum
Security cell. I'm grippin' oak.
Music loud and the tippin' slow.
Twins steady twistin' like hit this dough;
Police pull up from behind and I'm sittin low.
Windows down, gotta stop pollution.
CDs change; niggas like "Who is that producin'?"
This the Play-N-Skillz when we out and cruisin'
Got warrants in every city except Houston
But I still ain't losin'.

But really, the content of the verses is kind of hard to understand, and it might be better if you didn't understand them anyway. ;-) But the chorus is great and sounds really good in my car. The point is to allow yourself to temporarily feel the indignation and redirect it through the music and the wind blowing past you. It will make you feel better. I call it Corvette Therapy. :-) (for a preview, click here)

And I totally respect your oath of celibacy and all those other concerns. You do not need to worry about being in a fast sports car with a hot-blooded American woman. I promise I won't put a move on you or anything. You'll be perfectly safe. (you're a little 'mature' for me anyway) ;-)

So just think about it and let me know if you think you'd like to try it. I might even let you drive a little, which is a huge thing because I don't let anybody (except grudgingly my husband sometimes) drive my Corvette. But if you can't trust the Pope then who can you trust? Do you know how to drive? It's an automatic so it's easy, but don't let that make you think it's not powerful and quick and very responsive. It is. Very.

I'd be most pleased to be able to fulfill this offer. Thanks. And stay tough and hang in there.

Most respectfully and sincerely,

Rae Ann (a.k.a. Vicious Momma)


PS If you like "Ridin'" you might like Snoop Dogg's "Drop It Like It's Hot" too.

PPS Just last night I heard Weird Al's parody of "Ridin'" ("White and Nerdy"). Visit Weird Al's MySpace Page to hear it. It's hilarious!

Driving Lessons

Did you know that your gas mileage is just about as dependent upon how you drive as what you drive? I'm amazed at all the people who are driving their 'economy' cars like they are in the middle of the Indy 500. Four cylinder engines will use just as much gas as a larger one if the driver constantly revs it, stomps the gas, brakes hard, and otherwise drives like a demon.

Despite all of its problems our government does have a lot of resources readily available. Click here for some information on what can affect your mileage. I like the EPA's description of 'vigorous driving' behavior. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Just because you are driving a small car doesn't mean you are doing anyone any favors in conserving fuel. You have to drive conservatively too. I took driver's ed in high school and was taught how to drive defensively and conservatively. One simple thing you can do to increase your mileage is coasting when you can. My Corvette has an instantaneous mileage gauge. If I'm on a slight downhill and coast my mileage goes up to about 90 mpg! If you live where there are rolling hills you can use them to your advantage. I like to make a game of it, How high can I get my mileage?

David drives hundreds of miles a week on his job and has made some observations. These are totally 'unscientific' of course, but they tell an interesting story. He has noticed that many drivers of small cars are very 'vigorous' drivers. (He has a much less pleasant description for them.) He has also noticed that most of the drivers of big vehicles like full-size SUVs (not as evil as everyone wants to think they are) drive much more conservatively and carefully. A Honda Accord going 75 mph isn't getting any better mileage than a Chevy Tahoe going 55 or 60 mph. So think twice before you condemn people for driving big vehicles. Look at your own driving habits before throwing stones. Yeah, sure, there are people driving big cars like demons too, but in David's observations he has noticed that fewer big vehicles (at least around here) drive 'vigorously.' And what we can't understand is that people continue to drive 'vigorously' when gas is over $3 a gallon. But hey, if they can afford it then that's their choice. Just don't complain about it if you're not doing everything in your power to conserve.

And another thing that I want to mention is school zones. At least once every day I have to yell at some stupid idiot for speeding through the school zone in front of my kids' school. It is very clearly marked with big flashing lights. But there is at least one person every day who thinks their time is too precious to slow down. Too bad they don't have cops sitting there waiting to give tickets. They could make a lot of money.