Is He Shaved?

(I said "shaved" not "saved") ;-)

A Happy Day-late Birthday to Vladimir Putin:



Well, I have to say he just doesn't look too manly without any chest hair. Does he shave it off? Ick.

Super Days Ahead

Super Tuesday, February 5

See previous post about my tenative endorsements for the election day that is now being called Super Duper Tuesday.


Super Bowl Sunday, February 3

This year I've been pretty much into watching football. From year to year my interest in football and the Superbowl varies, but this year it has been lots of fun watching it with David because he doesn't mind my frequent questions about the rules and technical calls and such and because he thinks it's funny that I look at the butts (and bellies) in spandex, especially the biggest ones like of the linemen.


photo by Nathaniel Brooks for The New York Times

"The Giants hope Tui Alailefaleula, left, and Manuel Wright, each listed at 345 pounds, have talent to match their size."

The linemen are big and strong and very athletic although they might not look like the "ideal" athlete. Football players need to have different builds to match the different roles/positions they play. For example, the receivers are smaller and quicker while the linemen need to be big and strong to block each other. One thing I like about football is that you get a little bit of many different kinds of sports in one game. You have the thinking and throwing skills of the quarterbacks, the sprinter fast running of the "backs", the Sumo-style meetings of the offensive and defensive linemen, and the acrobatics of the tackling and catching of the "tight ends" (which is a giggle-inducing name) and other receivers. Okay, so David laughs at me for not really knowing all the proper names of the positions and what they do, but even though I'm ignorant of the rules and other technicalities I can still find my own enjoyment in the game. (Maybe it's similar to my interest in theoretical physics: I like the bigger picture even though the details aren't so well-comprehended.)

I'm lucky that he is secure enough not to feel threatened that I look at other men's butts (and guts) in spandex. Really, it's purely innocent and in no way a sexual or lustful looking. It's just interesting because it's different. It's the only time you see big, tough guys in spandex who seem oblivious to the fact that they are wearing spandex. Of course, there is a double standard here because I'm not secure enough to not feel threatened if he was looking at and commenting on the bodies of the cheerleaders. That might have to do with the fact that he looks more like the quarterbacks and other very "fit" players than I look like the beautiful cheerleaders. ;-)

Speaking of quarterbacks, I have to confess to having a slight, little celebrity crush on Eli Manning:



Well, I think it's his eyes actually. I find brown eyes kind of exotic because all of my family has blue or green eyes. Anyway, he's cuter than his big brother Peyton, who was the University of Tennessee quarterback in the mid to late 1990s. No offense to Peyton, of course, but he has plenty of admirers already, and he really is a good guy. You can even get free pep talks from him if you're feeling down.

Anyway, back to the Superbowl. This year the half-time entertainment will be Paula Abdul (oops, she was actually just a pre-game feature) and Tom Petty. I always liked Paula Abdul's early hits because they were fun and cute, and I've also always liked Tom Petty's music.

Oh, and in case it hasn't been apparent, I'm hoping that the New York Giants beat the New England Patriots and their winning streak. I guess I do sometimes find myself cheering for the underdogs. ;-)

And last but not least, the Superbowl snack menu will include guacamole because I've been craving avocados. There must be some nutrients in them that I'm especially needing right now. ;-) (It's probably a good thing that you don't usually put olive oil in guacamole because that might be an overly potent combination. LOL)

Flashback

Damn you, tayster, for reminding me of my teenage lust for Billy Idol. ;-)




I've probably mentioned it before, but when I was a teenager I would have given Billy Idol my virginity without any hesitation. This video was about as close to porn as we could get back then, before the days of easy internet porn. And we had to wait until it just happened to play on TV. No such thing as video-on-demand or other such luxuries. We just had to use our imaginations. And boy, did mine work overtime with Billy Idol. And maybe, just maybe, his red and black painted face in this video was imprinted in my mind and would explain my fascination with Darth Maul when The Phantom Menace came out. Yes, it's true. I'm not immune to falling for the "bad boys." ;-)

By the way, I would include Billy Idol's album "Rebel Yell" as one of my all-time favorites.

Where the Streets Have No Name

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future

Fly Like An Eagle by Steve Miller Band

It's never been a big secret that I am somewhat certifiably insane. I'm not ashamed in the same way that anyone with any other chronic condition should not be ashamed. Is Stephen Hawking ashamed of his condition? I don't know. I doubt it because he, like me, probably realizes that shame is a total waste of valuable mental energy. Some people might not like that comparison of Lou Gehrig's Disease (ALS) with mental illness, but in reality both are chronic conditions that affect the nerves and brain. And even with treatment, those with mental illness are never really "cured" just like they still have no cure for ALS. I find it a bit concerning that some illnesses gain a celebrity importance while others that are more prevalent and just as dangerous are left in the shadows, or where the streets have no name.

I could continue my rant about the history of mistreatment of mental illnesses and the continuing social disinterest and stigmas, but I'm not really up to giving a good enough rant at the moment. I've got some mental "house cleaning" to do.

It's been painfully apparent to me from my earliest social memories that I've not been like the "typical" females. Maybe it was an early sign of my later problems. I don't believe that it is a social conditioning problem. It must surely be some inherent, genetic trait. My sister is very much a "typical" female. We were raised in the same conditions so it doesn't follow that upbringing had anything to do with it. Incidentally, although we love each other very much, we do acknowledge that we are completely different and not always compatible. This has got to be because of my inability to "understand" typical female behaviors and thinking. Maybe it's a type of autism? ;-) After all, nowadays they say 1 in 166 kids are autistic, so why wouldn't that apply to adults too? (I don't "believe" in most of the new "epidemics" because the numbers of certain conditions aren't actually increasing. The rate of recognition and diagnosis is increasing.)

Well, anyway, there is one particular type of female that I've never been able to tolerate. That is the catty woman. (More modernly known as the female 'bully') My own definition of a catty woman is a woman who insults and picks on other women in ways that mostly only other women recognize. As you can read in some of the articles linked above, female bullies are often charming and clever so that they disguise their true natures, especially to males because they are so easily fooled by women. ;-) Well, I would consider it a somewhat "typical" female trait to consciously try to make oneself look better than she really is (especially to males). I think it is fair to say that one reason men aren't as perceptive of many female tactics is because their corpus callosum (not to be confused with Corpus Spongiosum or Cavernosum) are smaller which limits their ability to process social interactions.





Hey, maybe my corpus callosum is too small and that's why I have trouble with some women? I guess they don't make a magic pill for that since I don't ever get any spam emails offering some wonder drug or herbal supplement to "increase your corpus callosum by three inches!" If you ask me, that might be more beneficial to the world than a pill meant to increase the "corpus spongiosum (or cavernosum)" by three inches. ;-)

Where was I? It's hard to find your way when the streets have no name. (lol, yeah, that was pretty lame)

No really, what was I going to say? Was I finished about the catty women? I'm not sure, but I'll move along anyway. I am capable of engaging in catty behavior in response to someone being catty to me. Sometimes that is enough to stop them, but when it's not I'll just fight like a man. Life is too short to waste time verbally sparring with some catty bitch when really all it takes to shut her up is to "manhandle" her. Anyone of any gender who's ever been bullied knows that the only effective way of stopping a bully is to beat the crap out of them. That way you've taken all their power away. It might not be pretty, but if it works it's okay. And really, any bully who's dumb enough to pick another fight with someone who's beat them really needs to be beat again. ;-)

I'm aware that some people find this attitude distasteful and uncouth and offensive. Fine. Whatever works for you. But I'm betting that my approach is more effective. Oh, I just thought of something. You could compare female bully behavior to those who demand "political correctness" and other such totalitarian things. The "consensus" on global warming uses the same tactics as female bullies to try to discredit anyone who questions them. Maybe that will make it more understandable to men if I give examples like that. I would say, what's the difference in people doing that to each other's groups and individuals doing it to each other? It's all the same with the same end results. So it's despicable behavior regardless of how many people are involved.

Oh, yeah, and to some men, when a woman fights back like a man, they will mistakenly think that she is the bully and not the other one. They are the easily fooled and charmed guys with a really tiny corpus callosum. ;-) (As far as I know there is no correlation between callosum size and spongiosum/cavernosum size.)

You know, I really need to stop bringing up the spongiosum/cavernosum because it keeps making me lose my thoughts. ;-)

By the way, I'm fairly certain that perimenopause has begun and it feels exactly like being a teenager again. It's just like adolescence except in the other direction. Anyone who remembers a difficult adolescence should empathize.

I'm pretty sure I had more to say, but I'm getting hungry. Since my appetite has been bad lately I should eat. (was trying to think of some funny joke about sponge cake but ???)


Addendum: Very strange. Today must be "crazy movie day" on the cable movie channels. First I saw "Mad Love" (1995) with Drew Barrymore and then "Proof" (2005) with Gwyneth Paltrow. I hadn't seen either of them before and enjoyed both. "Proof" was especially interesting and it "hit home" in some non-trivial ways. One thing was that the sisters' relationship reflected much of what I wrote above about "typical" women and not "typical" ones. (Paltrow's sister character was the "typical" one.) But of course, no mathematical proofs are involved in my own personal issues, though if I had to pick something to try to prove it would be that God does exist. ;-)

I Can Do It!

I'm no Joanne Liebler or any of those other home improvement mascu-women who like to build houses or do other heavy construction, but I do my fair share (and probably more) of the maintenance around the house. I begrudgingly do some of it, like installing a new two-line phone jack to replace the one that was destroyed when the husband got mad and ripped the phone off the wall. Now, I'm not married to a violent man. I wouldn't marry one of those. But he is human and in the course of our marriage he has had a handfull of incidents where he destroyed some object out of anger and frustration. (I don't think I've ever actually done it, but I sure have wanted to at times. ;-) )

The phone in the laundry room was the one I used most because it was convenient since I'm in the laundry room so much anyway. And also it is near the kitchen where I also am often working. I don't even know why he got mad at the phone or whoever he was talking to because it happened many months ago and I forgot the details. He even got me a new phone for my birthday, way back in January. Well, it sat on the bar for months and months. (I don't nag anymore because it's a waste of energy.) And because the most convenient phone wasn't there anymore many times the phone never got answered before the machine picked up.

Well, yesterday I finally decided that I'd try to install the new jack myself. Here are the empty hole and bare wires:



If it was only a one-line jack that would be very straight-forward, but no, we have to have a two-line phone for business purposes. And it would be really nice if there was a very uniform coloring of the wires, but no, they have to make them all different so that the blue wires on the jack don't have matching blue wires in the phone lines, and so on. So I had to go to the box outside where the wires come into the house to see what colors the lines were and then figure out which ones corresponded on the jack. It didn't help that the only multiline jack at the store was a three-line jack. Well, it took me about an hour to do what it would have taken the husband about 15 minutes to do because of my inexperience with this obscure wire matching procedure. Here is the properly installed jack:



I have to confess that the entire time I was struggling with this man's work I was cursing men and feminism for putting me in the position of having to do a man's job. Is it not enough that I do all the laundry and other housework, as well as much of the outside work? And now I'm expected to install a phone jack too? How much money do men get paid for doing this job all day long? And here I am having to figure it out for free and take time away from my regular jobs to do it. Grumble, grumble, grumble. Man, I'm gonna see how long it takes for the man to even notice I did his job. I'm gonna make him feel guilty for this, or maybe even cut him off for a few days... Grumble, grumble, blah, blah, blah.

I had convinced myself that I would not feel accomplished for doing this thing and that it would be just as satisfying, or more so, if he had done it for me himself. Here is the phone completely installed and working:



So what happened when he got home from work? Did I make him feel guilty for not installing the jack and my birthday present from months ago? Well, of course not. I'm such a wuss. When he came in I felt myself grinning from ear to ear and heard myself ask, "Did you see what I did?!"

He looked bewildered and when I pointed at the phone he smiled with surprise and said, "You did that all by yourself?" (He knew I could all along, of course, and just wanted me to learn how to do it.) And I told him all about how long it took and how I grumbled through the whole process and how yes, I do feel accomplished about it even though I didn't want to do it and feel accomplished about it.

So, Rosie Rivetter, here's to you and doing what we women don't necessarily want to do but sometimes have to.

Chivalry is Dead (or senile at best)

The definition of chivalrous is "marked by gracious courtesy and high-minded consideration especially to women."

There is a sad lacking in today's world of gallant or distinguished gentlemen (though I'll say that most of the men who come here are the exception). I'm tempted to blame the feminazis for that. Well, it's probably not all their fault, but they are probably a big part of it. They insist that they be treated as men, and so then you have all these men who think that all women want to be treated as men. Sorry, that just ain't so.

I am a woman and feminine and happy to be feminine. And I expect to be treated as a feminine woman. I don't mind being 'delicate' or 'fragile'. This isn't to say that I'm weak or incapable. I've been through three pregnancies, labors, deliveries via c-section, and the recoveries of those surgeries. The feminine kind of strength it takes to do that is much greater than whatever exertion it might have taken for the male to plant his seed. Women are not the 'weaker vessel' unless you are comparing something basically trivial like the average muscle strength of men and women.

It's probably easier for men to treat women as men. That takes no consideration or thought about adjusting speech and actions. It's the lazy way out.

One of the worst results of this lack of chivalry is that men assume that a strong, capable, intelligent woman can, or wants to, take care of herself and doesn't want any help with problems, car doors, or whatever. I like help. I don't resent the offer of help. I'm usually not afraid to ask for help. And if you want to know the God's honest truth, I'm pretty disappointed when I'm not offered help when it looks like I might need it. I know I should probably take that as other people having confidence in my ability to handle things on my own. I appreciate that thought, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm not a Superwoman who can handle it all without some help and support at times. There is no such thing as a completely independent person- male or female.

Anyway, when a man mistreats a woman it is a sure sign that he is underendowed in many ways. He can't use the excuse that if a woman is 'equal' to him that she should expect to be treated as roughly as he would treat a man. That's not equality. That's meanness. I can't pretend to understand why some men are so hateful, angry, and unmanly that they think it's okay to beat up on a woman.

But it's clear that any man who does abuse a woman, verbally or physically, is too weak and cowardly to beat up on other men. A woman is an easy target. And of course, the bad men will use anything she might do in attempting to defend herself or fight back as some kind of evidence that she has no honor for others to defend. It's just like the old witch tests where they'd throw an accused witch into the river, and if she floated/swam she was a witch and had be burned, but if she drowned, well, then she was a good woman who unfortunately died.

So this brings me to a complaint that I've been very hesitant to make. But I really do want to say it and I will. I'm shocked that practically no 'chivalrous' men who have witnessed my abuse by a nasty and underendowed man have stepped up to intervene. WTF?? If you saw a man abusing one of your female friends in your office, for example, would you just turn away and pretend that it wasn't happening? Would you think, "Oh, she can handle that herself. I don't want to get involved"? Well, I don't know. Maybe you do think that, but if you do then whatever 'superior' male endowments that Nature has given you are being completely wasted.

Think about your mother, your wife, your sister, or your daughter. Would you like it if someone mistreated them? It's inexcusable to me for someone to ignore or dismiss a man attacking, mistreating, abusing, etc., a woman. It's as if it's an endorsement of that behavior.

To disagree with someone and have civil debates is one thing. But to allow someone to relentlessly verbally abuse another is downright plebeian. And it's NOT EVEN LIBERAL.

Momma's Moon Lodge

No Men Allowed

This post is a place where women can come and commiserate about how stupid men are sometimes and any other thing that they need to get off their chests. For further explanation of moon lodges click here.

Women, feel free to rant and vent.

The Trouble With Men: Not Even Folly

I first read Lubos Motl use "Not Even Folly". This is my silly twisting of the titles of two recent anti-science books for my own purposes. I like to do that sometimes. ;-)

A while back my good friend came over and we got to complaining about our husbands, but they should rest assured that we don't usually talk about them. Life isn't all about them, you know. She's a little younger than I am, and I see her going through very similar experiences I had at that age. Well, the experiences are similar in theme, not necessarily in details, in that I recognize the emotions and thoughts she's having. She seems to appreciate my empathy and acceptance of things that she worries are wrong or questionable. I like to reassure her that what she's going through isn't abnormal (why do we worry so much about abnormality?) and that she will get through it. (Lately it seems I've become everyone's surrogate mother. Not that I'm complaining, well, maybe I am a little. But, you know, I'm more than just a mother.)

So anyway, we both had been having kind of shitty times for similar reasons: husbands being asses. Why is it that as soon as you think you're making progress with a man he gets some weird mental tic or something? Both of us had been enjoying some times of equilibrium in our marriages until these men had to go and be emotionally abusive and neglectful. WTF? Can't you men control that kind of thing? How long does it take for a man to finally figure out that women aren't men and don't want to be treated like men? (Well, my friend and I don't.) I know that it takes a lot of energy to properly deal with a woman, but we do make it worth it. If they didn't really want to invest energy into maintaining our relationships then they shouldn't have promised that they would.

My experiences (and those of my female friends) over the years have given me plenty evidence that men are kind of dumb. Now, I know men can find things to complain about with women, but this is my blog and my post and I'm a dictator here, so please refrain from bringing up some petty crap about something women might not be good at. That's just a defense mechanism men use that is another clue about how dumb they can be. Men can't really distract us from the point we're making about how dumb it is to neglect or take us for granted by talking about how we don't know how to change the oil in the car or some other stupid little task. What I'm talking about is how to make a relationship work well for both sides.

I guess if you wanted to extend that oil change analogy then men should be the ones who keep the relationship working smoothly by keeping the "lubricant" (and that's not meant as some kind of sexual innuendo, well, I guess it could be ;-)) clean and fresh. The lubricant in this case is the care and concern and other emotional expressions that keep a woman's mental machinery working well. Yeah, I think I like that comparison because it really is true. Men who complain that their wives don't properly maintain their vehicles (which is a man's job in the first place) are usually the very same ones who don't keep their wives' mental/emotional machinery maintained.

Sometimes on Sundays I'll scan the religious channels to see if there is an interesting sermon. I don't like going to church, but sometimes I do like to listen to a thoughtful, intelligent sermon. One day I heard a sermon about the subject of marriage and the roles of each spouse. I can't remember who was speaking, but he said something that really stuck with me. He said that when he sees a woman who looks haggard and worn out he knows it's because her husband hasn't been doing his job of taking care of her. He went on to describe how the job of the husband is to provide for his wife and family. And by "provide" he explained that it means more than just bringing home a paycheck. Women are the "vessel" that will become too worn, cracked, or even broken if not properly cared for.

Ever since hearing that sermon when I see a woman who could be cruelly described as "letting herself go" (we've all heard that comment, "boy, look at her, she's really let herself go"- meaning that she doesn't look good at all) I wonder what kind of man she is married to and how he hasn't done his job as a husband. To extend the car metaphor even further, when we see a "ragged out" car we can usually be sure it's because it wasn't properly maintained or was even kind of abused. So when you see a "ragged out" woman don't automatically assume that she has "let herself go" because what you are seeing is the result of many years of not getting the mental/emotional maintenance she needed. Have a little compassion for someone who has struggled to take care of herself while putting everyone else's needs above her own (much like surrogate mothers).

Okay, so what's my point? Well, it's that the trouble with men is they don't usually put enough time and energy into maintaining their most important relationships. Women aren't like banks that you put deposits into for later. We really are more like cars that use the deposits and need them to be replenished regularly in order to function well. And that is not even folly and today's Sunday Sermonett. ;-)

Dear Dr. Freud,

I have an answer for your never answered question about what a woman wants. It seems that scientific discoveries and developments since your death offer a little enlightenment about the questions of your day. I don't pretend to be able to explain these things well enough for you or anyone else to understand fully, but I'll try anyway. For lack of a better way of organizing myself I'll start with a list:

1. A Woman Wants Supersymmetry which has to do with particle physics and is sort of self-explanatory by its name. I can't explain it exactly, but I kind of understand it (something about these tiny, little particles wanting to even themselves and each other out by partnering). I like it. I think that it is the state that we all (the whole Universe) would like to attain. We all want our 'superpartner'. (Maybe this is the state of Completion or Heaven or Nirvana at which we are no longer having to make adjustments and stuff?) And really, isn't that what Life is all about? Getting as close to balanced as you can. A woman wants a balanced relationship with a man. She doesn't want to feel like she's doing all of the work. She wants to feel necessary and wanted, and dare I say it, equal in importance and not just an accessory. (Though I wonder if there is ever "perfect" balance would it result in stagnation? Maybe there must be some imbalance required to maintain movement/energy? But that's probably a topic for another time, and I don't want to argue with myself right now.)

2. A Woman Does Not Want the Anthropic (man-centered) Principle which deals with why the Universe (or at least what we know of it) is perfectly suited for our existence. I can't pretend to understand that much about this one either, but I've decided that I don't think it's really necessary or worthwhile to put too much effort into exploring because it's a 'dead end.' It is a dead end because we are an expression (extension) of the Universe. The Universe is not an expression (extension) of us. If the Universe was truly an expression/extension of us (Life) then I think we'd not be asking this question at all. If it was an expression/extension of our consciousness or whatever then we'd understand it much, much better. If it was an expression of us then we'd be much better at altering it. Sure, "I think, therefore I am." But that doesn't mean, "I think, therefore you are." Likewise, a woman does not want the man to be the center of the Universe. A woman wants to be right there with him, partnered. (There is room for two at the center.)

Semi-seriously, doesn't the Anthropic Principle seem like a dog chasing its tail (or a man looking in the mirror)?

So, Dr. Freud, I hope that brings something new to your quest to understand women. My apologies to your physicist colleagues for abusing their terms and ideas. I hope that you can see that women don't envy your penis. We don't feel "incomplete" because we don't have one attached to us. But we do feel incomplete when we aren't in a balanced and harmonious relationship with a man because men and women are meant to be complementary and partnered. Men shouldn't envy women for the ability to 'create' life, and women shouldn't envy men for having the ability to 'support and increase' life. Your "toy models" of women are just far too simple and incomplete in light of modern knowledge. It's unfortunate that still to this day there are conflicts, power struggles, illusions, and delusions about our "other halves."

Anyway, rest in peace.

Sincerely,

Rae Ann

PS I thought you might be interested to know that this Anthropic Principle is the latest 'new wave' (popular) philosophy that has infiltrated many fields of study, particularly psychology and physics. And subsequently, the areas of spirituality and "self-help". Hmm, I guess there wasn't such a thing as "self help" back in your day. Nowadays, there is a glut of disposable books written by "experts" of various qualifications and credentials who tell other people how to live their lives. Anyway, I suspect that this Anthropic stuff is just a philosophical "fad" much like communism that will eventually be shown to be a dead end. But, then, what do I know? I'm just a woman, and a housewife at that! ;-)

He Said, She Said: What are words for?

Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care

My lips are moving and the sound's coming out
The words are audible but I have my doubts
That you realize what has been said
You look at me as if you're in a daze
It's like the feeling at the end of the page
when you realize you don't know what you just read

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it's no use talkin at all

I might as well go up and talk to a wall
'cause all the words are having no effect at all
It's a funny thing am I all alone

Something has to happen to change the direction
What little filters through is giving you the wrong impression
It's a sorry state I say to myself

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it's no use talkin at all

Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care

Let me get by
Over your dead body
Hope to see you soon
When will I know
Doors three feet wide with no locks open
Walking always backwards in the faces of strangers
Time could be my friend
But it's less than nowhere now
less than nowhere now
less than nowhere now
now
ow ow ow

Pursue it further and another thing you'll find
Not only are they deaf and dumb they could be going blind and no one notices
I think I'll dye my hair blue

Media overload bombarding you with action
It's getting near impossible to cause distraction
Someone answer me before I pull out the plug

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it's no use talkin at all

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it's no use talkin at all

Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care
tell me what are words for
Do you hear me
tell me what are words for
Do you care
tell me what are words for
Do you hear me
so tell me what are words for
Do you care
so tell me what are words for
Do you hear me
tell me what are words for
so tell me what are words for
Do you care
so tell me what are words for
Do you hear me
tell me what are words for
so tell me what are words for
Do you care
so tell me what are words for

"Words" by Missing Persons

Last night we had a very typical situation that I think is a perfect example of male-female differences and how they can cause problems.

My daughter pulled a loose tooth and asked me if her big brother would want to see it. I told her that I thought he probably would so she went to show him. She came back and said that he didn't care. I asked her what he said, and she said that he said, "Whatever." I told her not to take it as him not caring. I told her that boys are just that way: they care but they just don't act like it or say they do, especially 10 year old boys. Then she said, "Well, Daddy doesn't do that." And I told her that some grown up men have learned to be different, but that even they aren't always expressive enough.

I got to thinking about it and decided that this was a very good lesson for her (and me). And I need to have a little talk with my oldest son to let him know that girls need and want boys to at least act like they care about things and that it doesn't diminish his masculinity show some care and concern, even about little things. See, this is the power of the feminine touch on the developing male psyche. Unlike the feminazis I'm not going to try to make my boys into girlie-men, but I will inform them of ways in which they can get along better with the fairer sex. Likewise, I'll continue to explain to my daughter that boys are different and that she should not let her own happiness and/or worth depend upon their unreliable interpersonal skills. It's a balancing act, I suppose. I hope I'm not screwing them up.

Like Christmas In July

They threw outrageous parties, they paid heavenly bills
"Life in the Fast Lane" by the Eagles

Well, life in the fast lane of a rural backroad anyway. LOL It took me several days to completely recovered from our big Fourth of July celebration, but it wasn't a hangover exactly. I did not consume any alcohol. Maybe I'm just tired from the constant presence of demanding children who keep me from properly resting and reflecting.

Everyone now thinks that David is the God of Fire. July 4 is his day to shine as Grill Master and Fireworks Commander. I think it's appropriate that this most American of holidays is largely a celebration of the masculine control of fire, now in the form of grilling lots of meat and setting off the controlled explosions of fireworks. (Yes, I realize that fireworks are not an American invention, but it can be argued that Americans took that firepower and harnessed it to its extreme.) Indeed, it is the Day of Meat and Fire.

Sitting back and watching all the amped-up testosterone driven boys reminded me of depictions of certain pagan holidays that I've seen and/or read, and I wondered if the kids would have as fond memories of this night as I would. Would they think back on this night and remember the freedom and energy that fueled their connection to the element of fire? Maybe I am a little too philosophical about it? Did they appreciate the controlled rebellion that they were allowed to express? While the Fourth isn't a religious holiday it can have a certain flavor that inspires a spiritual kind of reflection. Patriotism can feel somewhat religious sometimes.

Certainly the fireworks of the Fourth are intended to remind us of the "rockets' red glare" of the Revolutionary War (as well as all other wars we've fought). But I couldn't help noticing the phallic nature of the fireworks and their explosions. ;-) Well, how can you not? If the female is the vessel then the male is the fire that makes the vessel cook. His fire is the catalyst for change, the ignition of life.

Anyway, it was like Christmas in July with all the festivities and food and family and friends. I even turned on the Christmas lights that are still hanging up on the porch. ;-)


I had begun this post on July 5th but have just now gotten to finish it. Well, I think I had originally intended to say more and post pictures, but that just didn't happen.

Political Correctness Gone Wild

Yesterday, Larry Summers, the President of Harvard University, resigned due partly to some comments he made that some interpreted as sexist. The comment in question is as follows:

"So my best guess, to provoke you, of what's behind all of this is that the largest phenomenon, by far, is the general clash between people's legitimate family desires and employers' current desire for high power and high intensity, that in the special case of science and engineering, there are issues of intrinsic aptitude, and particularly of the variability of aptitude, and that those considerations are reinforced by what are in fact lesser factors involving socialization and continuing discrimination. I would like nothing better than to be proved wrong."

Well, I don't really see anything there that is in itself sexist or upsetting. I consider myself a "new feminist" which could be described in the vernacular of an old car commercial, "Not your father's feminist." What I mean is that I am comfortable in my femininity and my feminine strengths and weaknesses. I acknowledge that as a female there are some things in which I don't have the same aptitude or abilities as most males. I like math and science a lot and might have a higher aptitude for those things than the 'average' female, but I'm not offended or bothered that many males have a higher aptitude in those things, and therefore have more jobs in those fields.

In contrast, I have greater aptitudes for some things than most males. Nurturing and understanding interpersonal relationships and knowing how to make others feel better are some of my 'female' strengths for which most males have lower aptitudes. Is that a sexist remark? Perhaps I will reword Summers' remark:

"So my best guess, to provoke you, of what's behind all of this is that the largest phenomenon, by far, is the general clash between people's legitimate family desires and employers' current desire for high power and high intensity, that in the special case of parenting and nurturing, there are issues of intrinsic aptitude, and particularly of the variability of aptitude, and that those considerations are reinforced by what are in fact lesser factors involving socialization and continuing discrimination. I would like nothing better than to be proved wrong."

Now am I going to be attacked as a sexist for saying that females have certain other higher aptitudes than males and that explains why more women are stay-at-home parents than men? I hope not. I hope that people will get over themselves and think rationally about these things. Watching the Olympics has reinforced my understanding of intrinsic aptitudes and variabilities of aptitudes. As I mentioned in a previous post on the Olympics each sport has a particular body type which facilitates excellence in that sport. The downhill skiers are generally tall, heavily muscular people. The figure skaters are generally shorter and have more muscular legs and butts. The speed skaters have those huge thighs. It seems that people who are genetically predisposed to a particular body type and stength are the ones at the elite levels of their sports. We (collectively) don't seem to have a problem acknowledging that particular body types have a higher aptitude for certain sports. So why would we think that our brains are any different in that respect? Why are people so frightened to acknowledge differences in mental aptitudes?

Part of the answer to that last question probably has to do with the aptitudes that we place high value on in our society. And that point is covered in the Summers quote when he mentions "socialization and continuing discrimination." And those issues are being examined and studied. I hope that eventually we all can learn to appreciate our own strengths and weaknesses and stop belly-aching over the ones that we don't have. I learned in my years of figure skating that I didn't have what it takes to be a world class skater. Was I disappointed? Yes. Did I say that I was being discriminated against? No, that would have been ridiculous. Do I have the aptitude to be a brilliant physicist? No, but I don't let that stop me from trying to learn as much as I can.

I suppose I might sound like I'm singing that "Let's Celebrate Our Differences" song. Well, what's wrong with that?


To end with a little humor, here are some new Politically Correct terms:

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

Strange Encounters

The 'Blinded by the Light' post is coming, but right now I have to go with the flow.

I just got back from yet another shopping trip to Walmart. Seems like I go almost every other day. I took my oldest who needed some school supplies and wanted to pick them out himself. We were looking in the aisle with organizers and stuff and I was trying to decide whether or not I'd actually use one if I got it. My son said that he didn't think I would and that it would just be a waste of money. (He's 9 and a half going on 30!) Just as I was putting it back on the shelf this old dude comes up and starts talking to me. This has been happening a lot lately, random people just coming up and starting to talk. Very strange business to me because I'm not an especially noticable person. I don't dress or act in a way to call attention to myself and all that.

So when this happens I like to be nice and let them talk. If I'm in a hurry I might tell them that I have to go, but usually I just let them get to a finishing point and say something like, "well, you take care now." I couldn't understand everything that this old man was saying partly because he sort of mumbled and partly because I think I'm going deaf. I did catch that he was 71. And he kept saying something about babies. Then he said, "Well, me 'n' Woman, we just celebrated 48 years together." And I shit you not, he raises up his sleeve and flexes his right biceps muscle! And grins real big! I felt my eyebrows involutarily raise. I wondered if this was some kind of old dude pick-up move to prove his virility or something. Wow. It was weird! So he finally stopped mumbling about babies and whatnot and wandered off. I asked my son, "Why do you think that old guy started talking to me?" He said he didn't know.

That made me remember something that happened when we went to NC last weekend. On Sunday morning we were eating breakfast at the Waffle House and my oldest had to go to the restroom. As he came out a young guy, about 22-23 at the oldest, went in. Then that guy came out and started talking about how he had left his wallet in the restroom and was so glad that it was still there. My son said he saw it but didn't touch it. This guy was just talking about all kinds of stuff and then whips out a tattoo shop's card and he said, "Oh, you'll like this." He showed it to me and it was a flaming skull. Yeah, it was cool, but why would he think I'd like it. It's not like I look like I like flaming skulls. Then he starts showing me all of his tattoos on his arms. I said 'me' because he had singled me out and wasn't paying attention to anyone else. I clearly got that feeling that he was flirting, but WTF? I'm a plump, plain middle-aged woman with a generous bit of gray hair. I rarely wear makeup, and I don't dress real spiffy. I'm kind of frumpy! And I was sitting there with my 3 young kids and husband. Weird.

I think maybe I get attention because I look pregnant. I have a belly, but the rest of me isn't all that big. The belly comes from having three c-sections and a hysterectomy, or at least that's my excuse. But hey, anyone who's had their gut cut open 4 times should be given a little slack. (pun not intended) Even if I lost a bunch of weight I'd still have a pregnant looking belly. That's just the way it is. So that's another part of this puzzle. Do men find pregnant looking women attractive? Even if they aren't really pregnant? What prompts a man to stop and talk to a woman like that? Flexing his biceps and showing off tattoos? Flaunting his plumage whatever his age?

Now I've got perplexia.