"Danger" Style (sort of)...

(my own personal spin on the lyric interpretation thing)

Bohemian Rhapsody
Words and music by Freddie Mercury

Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see-

I was reading a message board that I'm a member of, and someone posted a rant about hating everyone she knows and having a terrible summer. She said she no longer had 'real life' friends and hoped that she still had 'online' friends. This song popped into my head because her comments resonated with some of my recent thoughts. I've been thinking that maybe I should take a long break from the online world because I might be getting too 'involved' in it. And I started to wonder if maybe it is all an illusion and if I moved away would I only leave a tiny, faint, brief contrail as evidence of my being here? Kevin sort of hit on this in a comment on Mr. Danger's blog. Maybe everyone is feeling out of touch with what is "real" and what is "fantasy"?

I'm just a poor boy,I need no sympathy-
Because I'm easy come,easy go,
A little high, little low,
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me,
To me

Online is 'easy come, easy go' as far as relationships go. Some are lasting. Some are not. I've lately been feeling some resentment over a lost 'friendship' with someone I met in 'real life' and then maintained what I thought was a friendship online. But apparently opposing politics and an ocean can separate people enough to make 'friendship' impossible. But hey, easy come, easy go, anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me.

Mama, just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead,
Mama, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away-
Mama ooo,
Didn't mean to make you cry-
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow-
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters-

Hey, I don't know what that means. I'm no Nick Danger. But sometimes I've fantasized about putting a gun to someone's head and pulling the trigger. Hasn't everyone?

Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Body's aching all the time,
Goodbye everybody-I've got to go-
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth-
Mama ooo- (any way the wind blows)
I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all-

Sounds like depression to me. I've been there. I know. I've wanted to run away from my mistakes, but I didn't. I stayed and faced my truth. I didn't really want to die, so I didn't.

I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the Fandango-
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me-
Galileo, Galileo,
Galileo Galileo
Galileo figaro-Magnifico-
But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me-
He's just a poor boy from a poor family-
Spare him his life from this monstrosity-

Easy come easy go-, will you let me go-
Bismillah! No-, we will not let you go-let him go-
Bismillah! We will not let you go-let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No, no, no, no, no, no, no-
Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go-
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me-

Sometimes I like to buy my movie tickets on Fandango. Just in case someone else didn't know what 'scaramouche' is I looked it up and it means 'a cowardly buffoon.' So 'scaramouche will you do the Fandango' means 'you cowardly buffoon will you dance a silly dance.' Yeah, like 'dance around the subject' or 'beat around the bush', it means stop being a fool and playing games because it hurts people. I'm sure Beelzebub has a devil or two set aside for me too. Anyone know what Bismillah is?

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye-
So you think you can love me and leave me to die-
Oh baby- Can't do this to me baby-
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-

That's how I feel right now. I can't do partway. I'm an obsessive/compulsive Aquarian. I live in my head and have a really hard time sometimes distinguishing between what's 'real' and what I perceive and think. It's that whole real life/fantasy thing. I need people to tell me what's real and what's not real. (maybe I just need anti-psychotic meds? lol)

Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters-
Nothing really matters to me,

Any way the wind blows....

I wish I could adopt that attitude, but it all matters to me whether it's real or imaginary. Any way the wind blows.

Worst Songs Ever...

I had to drive up to Kingsport today (about an hour and 45 minutes each way) to pick up some pictures that were in a photo show that closed today. I drove the Corvette since I got to go by myself. I love to drive and I do some of my best thinking while driving. Anyway, I was thinking about the worst songs ever and how I wanted to do this post. After thinking of all the music I love, hate, dislike, or don't care about I decided that my list for Worst Songs Ever would either be very long or very short. I decided to go with very short. I just can't list all the songs by all the mediocre to bad bands that have existed. So I've kept my list down to 2, yes only TWO.

The first is Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus. I don't think that one needs any explanation.

And the second might be a surprise, but this song has always left me feeling sick to my stomach. I HATE it. It is...

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad by Meatloaf.

(I'll post the lyrics on the Lyrics blog.)

I'm not sure why I have such a violently visceral reaction to that song. I was only 9 or 10 when it came out, but even then it made me feel real bad. My parents separated for a while around that time, so maybe that has something to do with it. I know there are others songs that I dislike almost as much as that one, but I have to say that it's the Worst (besides Achy Breaky).

What do you think?

Hehehehe... chocolate....

What Reject Sith Are You?

This Magic Moment...

In Hoeland tonight there has been an Enchantment all over the place. Sweet Southern breezes and trees lit up like Christmas by the lightenin'* bugs (fireflies). An approaching storm energizes the air and the electricity excites the skin. Rumbles of thunder and flashing skies. Feel the charge run through.

I now know what year it is.** My prayers for that knowledge were answered tonight. Magic is real. I think I live in Heaven's back yard. More tomorrow.


Updates, 1-7-07:

*Many people call them lightning bugs or lightnin' bugs, but either word, lightenin' (to illuminate) or lightnin' (flash of light), is correct usage. "Lightening" is from Middle English.

**Shamanically speaking. I did know what the actual year was. ;-) It didn't turn out to be the year of the lightenin' bug, but I did learn later that this particular summer was experiencing a lightenin' bug "bloom", which is fairly common in the insect world as well as with other lifeforms.

Dear Tom Cruise,

You are a Fucking RE-TARD! Your interview with Matt Lauer was all over the radio talk this morning, and it really got my goose. Mr. Re-Tard, you said, "There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance." WHAT???

Since when did you become an expert on psychiatry? Shit, you are totally out of control. Talk about a chemical imbalance. Look in the goddamn mirror, Tommy. You are NOT normal!!

I've never been a Tom Cruise fan. You don't 'do it' for me at all and never have played a role in my fantasy world. However, I've reluctantly liked most of your movies, well, some of them anyway. I loved Legend (a rather obscure one) when it first came out and it's still one of my favorite movies. Risky Business was okay, but I didn't like it because of you, Mr. Re-Tard. I've never watched Jerry Maguire and have no desire to. I especially liked Collateral, Minority Report, The Last Samurai, and Vanilla Sky. But all the others you've done I've either not seen or didn't particularly like.

Anyway, in this interview on the Today show you are criticizing Brooke Shields for taking antidepressants for post-partum depression. Hey, Tommy, how many babies have you given birth to, eh?? Your head is so full of Scientological Shit that you make absolutely no sense. Yeah, we all know that drugs are over-prescribed, but that doesn't mean that they aren't necessary for some people. Go sit in your 'engram' machine and turn it up full force. Maybe it will give you the electro-shock that you so desperately need.

Hey, you can be as passionate about your life as you want, but keep your medical advice to yourself and all your Sci-fi-entological Idiots. I love Nicole Kidman even more now. Bless her heart for putting up with you for ten years. And poor Katie, you know she's just the young impressionable woman that you want to mold into your own ideals. What a stereotypical thing for an aging actor to do... truly pathetic.

Sincerely,

Rae Ann

More bits and pieces...

Of stuff that I've been thinking about and might write about. This list is mostly for my own reminder because I forget things if I don't write them down somewhere.

Paranormal Sex (tantric)

Worst Songs Ever

My Gardens

The Universe

More 'years in the life' stuff

My kids

Solo Vacation Adventures

Becoming a Recluse/Hermit

What Year Is It Anyway? (shamanism)

Players Only Love You When They're Playing (and other lessons from songs)

Survey...

2 more...

20. When I forget what I was going to say.

21. Those hard plastic bubble packages that you can only open with heavy duty scissors. (there's going to be a lawsuit over those eventually)

19 things I hate...

(in no particular order)

1. Snobs

2. Beets

3. Bad Drivers

4. Turnips

5. Vomit

6. Assholes

7. Coconut

8. Unanswered Questions

9. Hot Peppers

10. DJs that talk too much

11. Liars

12. Spoiled Milk

13. Roadkill

14. Blood-sucking Insects

15. Emptiness

16. Misunderstandings (can be avoided by avoiding #8)

17. Smell of Jack Daniels

18. Piss on the toilet seat

19. Rejection

Hoe's thoughts on marriage...

I've been married for 14 years. That's not a record or anything, but it has outlasted most of my friends' marriages. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail about all the ups and downs and good and bad times, but you know that in 14 years we've pretty much seen it all. What I will do here is explain my philosophy on marriage.

The reason I'm doing this is because I've been reading the website Daily Confession (link to the right somewhere) for some time now, and I've noticed a trend in how people think of marriage. There are many cheating confessions, and invariably the people who 'talk back' (I'm vicious_m, btw) condemn anyone who confesses to straying from their vows of 'faithfulness.' Just yesterday there was a confession from a woman who said she had been cheating on her husband because he refused to do anything to improve their sex life. Most of the 'talk backs' were along the lines of 'how can you forget your solemn vows?' or 'divorce him' or 'you're going to burn in hell' or 'talk to him or go to therapy' or 'get a dildo/vibrator' and so on. But this was my response:

"Let this be a lesson to all those 'no sex before marriage' types. Sex is a very important part of a marriage. If your partner refuses to participate in a better sex life then see what happens? You don't buy a car without test driving it. I wouldn't marry someone without knowing that we had great sex. There is more to being a faithful spouse than not having sex with other people. To be a faithful spouse you have to care about the other person's needs and honor all the OTHER vows you've made. This lady's husband isn't any more faithful to his vows of love, cherish, etc. than she is. There is rarely only one 'bad guy' in these situations."

I've italicized the part that is most important to me. I'm not advocating, defending, or encouraging cheating. But I am saying that people lose sight of the whole when they focus only on that one aspect of their vows. I don't know what vows everyone made when they married, but most marriage vows cover more than just sexual fidelity. There's usually something in there about staying together 'for better or worse.' When you say that you don't know what 'worse' might be. I guess over the years I've become more secure and less worried about what 'worse' means to me. At this point in my life I can think of worse things that could happen than infidelity.

Marriage is a partnership. And there are constant changes in the priorities and issues of a lifelong relationship. Sometimes marriage is more of an economical arrangement that ensures the security of a family. Sometimes it is more of a romantic connection between two people. It can be all of that together, but it's unrealistic for people to expect that it will always be everything. There will be disappointments and sadness. You can't escape that in life. There will be human weaknesses and errors. There should be forgiveness and remorse. Why do people think they make marriage vows anyway? It's to say that you choose to stay in this partnership no matter what may happen. (I know there are good reasons for divorce. I'm not saying there aren't. And I'm not dissing anyone who has divorced.) To put one particular vow over all the others is silly to me. And that's what people do with the 'faithfulness' vow. As I said in my talk-back to yesterday's confession, there is more to being a faithful spouse than just not having sex with other people.

The best pre-marital advice I ever got was that love doesn't keep a marriage together, commitment does. I know that with all my heart. If I wasn't such a stubborn old goat I probably would be telling a different story.

Requests and Dedications...

The Lyrics of the Moment blog is now open for requests and dedications until the end of June. If it goes well, starting in July I'll probably have one day a week open for requests and dedications (kind of like Kasey Kasem's 'Long Distance Dedication' on the weekly top 40 show when I was a kid). Many thanks and 100 Hoe points to Nick Danger for giving me this idea when he requested a song today.

So let me know if you have any songs you'd like posted there. You don't have to dedicate it to anyone or anything, but you can if you want.

Thanks!

Sex Sells

I'm mostly immune to advertising whether it's on tv or in print or where-ever. I don't read fashion magazines in protest against the ridiculously unrealistic images they portray as 'normal' or desirable. It's all a lie. And I can chuckle at many tv commercials like some of the funny Geico ads (my 9 year old says they ALL are stupid and not funny), but they don't make me want to switch my insurance to Geico. I think I can safely say that no commercial (well, except maybe food ads when I've got the munchies) has prompted me to lay out hard-earned bucks for what it was peddling. Many commercials and print ads leave me thinking, "What does that have to do with anything?" Maybe I just don't 'get' it. I don't know.

But I have to admit that I'm not immune to snazzy packaging. I'm prone to impulse purchases if I see something that strikes my fancy. Sometimes the way something is merchandised and displayed can lure me into a purchase whether I need that item or not. (Incidentally, before I had kids my job was sales rep/merchandiser for L'Oreal Cosmetics.) This just happened at Walmart the other day.

I saw this display of new 'feminine' care products. It instantly caught my eye. I've never bought any of that stuff before, like FDS spray and what-not, because, frankly, I don't stink and it's not really healthy to spray chemicals on your foosey. But the packaging for these things drew me in like a fly to horse shit. There were a variety colors in both the cleanser and the moisturizer. It was the vaguely phallic shape of the bottle and the nifty way that the stuff squirts out as a white foam that really sold me. I just had to have one of each. I've never been one of those women who has to have a different cleanser and moisturizer for each part of my body. I use shampoo as a shower gel and vice versa. But I was so totally enamored with these phallic squirting bottles that I just had to have them.

Sorry for this crappy picture. I googled it trying to find a better one, but these products seem to be so new that they aren't available on any of the drugstore sites I checked. Maybe they are a Walmart-only product. Who knows? Now that Sam Walton is gone even Walmart is using the sex sells method of marketing.





"Beyond Fresh" by Intimates

Feng Shui Nightmare

I love clutter. I have piles of stuff where-ever I spend a lot of time. Mister D complains about all of my 'shit piles' everywhere. But I can't live without it. It comforts me. It helps me remember things. If something is put away I tend to forget about it.

When I see a place with a bunch of stuff everywhere (I'm not talking trash everywhere, just useful stuff and knick knacks, etc.) I don't think "God, what a mess." What I do think is "what an interesting arrangement and assortment of items." The things strewn about an environment say a lot about the occupant of that space. (MTV understands this and Room Raiders is based exactly on this idea.) I like to see that information in a place. The items are clues. That clutter helps me better understand that environment. People who like clutter seem to be more open and honest about themselves, more willing to put themselves on display for others to know them.

Feng Shui says that clutter is bad because it blocks or stalls the movement of energy. That clinging energy supposedly makes us feel overwhelmed. But when I am in a very spare and steril place I feel lost and uncomfortable because I have no clues to the environment. There are no random items to help me read the space. Maybe I feel the flow of the unobstructed energy and it is too strong and overwhelming. Maybe some of us need that clutter to slow the energy to a point that we aren't overwhelmed because we are especially sensitive. Since cluttery people are more open and honest (as stated above in case anyone isn't following me, I say this because I'm barely following myself) we naturally would be more vulnerable to excess energy.

I think that the eddied and/or 'stagnant' energy that surrounds clutter is what helps me remember things. I'm a very visual person. I think in images more than with words or whatever else other people might use in their minds. So I remember things by 'seeing' them in my mind. If nothing is in a space then there's nothing to remember. (that sounds zen, but I'm not really trying for that. well, actually I guess that is twisted zen. Ooh, that would be a great name for a band. or a book or something) Well, shit, now I've gone off on a tangent and lost my point. Sorry.

(Oh, I just remembered that at some point I was going to say that the worst thing anyone can do to me is move, rearrange, or otherwise mess with my stuff. Talk about mad, I get really pissed if someone touches my junk. It might look like a pile of garbage to someone else, but to me it's my memory. Everyone who's ever lived with me has learned that I'll fuck you up if you mess with my stuff. I'm talking mostly about my piles of papers everywhere. That's the clutter that I love.)

Happy Father's Day

to all you daddies out there! I hope your day is filled with love and joy. Just remember that old saying that goes something like, "Any guy can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a daddy."

Happy Father's Day to my dad. He was the first love of my life and I've measured all the men I've ever known by his example. No, he wasn't, and he isn't, perfect, but no one is. But he has been the perfect daddy. He's always supported my efforts and been there when I've needed him. His love is a quiet kind that isn't throw about with abandon, but you still know it's there. And he truly is my friend as well as my father.

Happy Father's Day to my Mister. He is a lot like my dad. (That old thing about marrying someone like your parent is true for me.) My Mister is the hook, line, and sinker that caught me when I was ready to be caught. He's a great daddy to our three little ones (the Hoe-lings). I know he loves me despite my getting older, fatter, grayer, and grumpier because I've become all of that from having his children. He appreciates how difficult is was for me to bring those beautiful babies into the world. I love him for loving me. I love him for loving our children. I love him for making me a mother.

Happy Daddy's Day, David! I love you.

This Hoe's Life, 1988

By request:




I was wild, as you can probably infer from that photo. This picture was taken on Halloween in my sociology class. The professor told us to come to class that day as our favorite social deviant. I was in the middle of chewing a Tootsie Roll. I'll just let everyone guess as to whether or not I had anything on under the trench coat. Just keep in mind that I was a scholar. A flashing scholar, but a scholar nonetheless. ;-)

Here are about the only good songs I remember from that year. I didn't listen to most of the awful popular crap then, but I did really like:

Sweet Child Of Mine - Guns & Roses (they were SO great)
Need You Tonight - Inxs (so were they)
Hysteria - Def Leppard
Father Figure - George Michael (kind of a creepy song but I liked it)
Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car - Billy Ocean (goofy but fun)
Red Red Wine - UB40 (I got real sick on red wine that year, still can't stand it.)
Devil Inside - Inxs
Wishing Well - Terrence Trent D'Arby (one hit wonder)
Don't Worry, Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin (actually I hated that song after it was so over played)
Copperhead Road - Steve Earle
Push-It by Salt N Peppa.


I don't remember much about that year. About the only TV show I watched on a regular basis was thirtysomething, but I remember watching the Tracy Ullman show and seeing the early version of the Simpsons on it (I think that was in '88). Probably the most signicant event of the year was casting my first Presidential vote. I'm too embarrassed to say who I got my vote.

Quick note...

about the new profile pic. That is probably my very favorite picture of me because I'm not really that pretty. It was taken as I was getting in our car after our wedding. I kind of miss those big hair days. And those glasses! They're huge.

Bloggin' Blues...

It's not writer's block because I'm not a real writer. But. I just can't seem to put things together right now. Here's a list of subjects I've pondered writing a post about:

Big Dicks and Fast Cars

Good Ad/Bad Ad

Hoe's Life, 1988

Hoe-ling Number One

I started on each topic only to lose steam in the middle. Maybe one or all of those will come together in the next day or so. So this is a lame post about why I didn't have a good new post. Which story do you want to read?

Songs of 1976

I decided to redo last night's lost post. Here's a list of my favorite songs from 1976.

Silly Love Songs, Paul McCartney and Wings
Don't Go Breaking My Heart, Elton John and Kiki Dee
December, 1963 (Oh, What A Night), Four Seasons
Play That Funky Music, Wild Cherry
Kiss And Say Goodbye, Manhattans
50 Ways To Leave Your Lover, Paul Simon
Love Is Alive, Gary Wright
A Fifth Of Beethoven, Walter Murphy and The Big Apple Band
Afternoon Delight, Starland Vocal Band
I Write The Songs, Barry Manilow
Fly, Robin, Fly, Silver Convention
Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen
Boogie Fever, Sylvers
I'd Really Love To See You Tonight, England Dan and John Ford Coley
You Sexy Thing, Hot Chocolate
Love Hurts, Nazareth
(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty, K.C. and The Sunshine Band
Love Rollercoaster, Ohio Players
You Should Be Dancing, Bee Gees
Let Your Love Flow, Bellamy Brothers
Dreamweaver, Gary Wright (this song gave me nightmares back then which makes it notable)
All By Myself, Eric Carmen
Love To Love You Baby, Donna Summer
That's The Way I Like It, K.C. and The Sunshine Band
Show Me The Way, Peter Frampton
Dream On, Aerosmith
Devil Woman, Cliff Richard
Fooled Around And Fell In Love, Elvin Bishop
Saturday Night, Bay City Rollers
Island Girl, Elton John
Evil Woman, Electric Light Orchestra
Fox On The Run, Sweet
Rhiannon, Fleetwood Mac
Got To Get You Into My Life, Beatles
Still The One, Orleans
You're My Best Friend, Queen
Slow Ride, Foghat
Baby, I Love Your Way, Peter Frampton
Rock And Roll All Nite, Kiss
Disco Duck, Rick Dees
Take The Money And Run, Steve Miller Band
Squeeze Box, The Who
Muskrat Love, Captain and Tennille
Tonight's The Night (Gonna Be Alright), Rod Stewart
Magic Man, Heart
Nights Are Forever Without You, England Dan & John Ford Coley
The Rubberband Man, Spinners (I still have this 45)
Strange Magic, Electric Light Orchestra
Show Me the Way, Peter Frampton
Moody Blue, Elvis Presley
More Than a Feeling, Boston
Free Bird, Lynyrd Skynyrd
Lorelei - Styx

I've surely left some out, but that's quite a list. I don't think I could make that long a list from any other year. I can see the development of my psyche in that list. That was a remarkable year. I remember the celebrations and patriotism of our country's Bicentennial. I think that year was one of my 'coming of age' times. Something in me emerged then. We went to Disney World that year. I haven't been there since. It surprises me that several of those songs are on the Lyrics blog.

Is there a year in your life like that?

This Hoe's Life, 1976

I was eight and my sister was 12. This is one of my favorite pictures of myself ever because I look so chilled out.

I had written a nice, long music-themed post about all the great songs from 1976, but my computer froze up and I lost it all. I don't feel like doing it all over again so here's an idea. Name your favorite song from 1976 and why it is your favorite. I'll post the lyrics on the other blog if it's one of my favorites too.

Hoe Horoscope

From Jonathan Cainer for Tuesday, June 14, Aquarius:

Actions speak louder than words. That's the trouble with them. Words, no matter how noisy they are, can always be retracted. Alternatively, they can be redefined to mean something different - as any spin-doctor will confirm. Actions, by contrast, have a physical impact. They cause substantial, tangible changes. I make no apology for stating the obvious here. The obvious is what you need to be reminded of. You now have an opportunity to make a move that can never be undone.

I don't live my life by horoscopes, but the Cainer ones I like because they are thoughtful and introspective. (Just a note here on my use of 'ones' in that last sentence... that is a common mountain language trait where the term you'ns originates. Linguistics lesson of the day there.) Sometimes Cainer's horoscopes are freakily spot on. I especially get a kick out of the ones that say things like 'make a move that can never be undone.'

Tattoo?

Here's one of those temporary tattoos that I've been wearing the last few days. Maybe I'll get a Devil tattoo, but instead of the Pitch Fork he'll hold a Hoe. What do you think?

This one is on my left arm above my wrist. Maybe I could get an angel on the right. To paraphrase "Stuck in the Middle" I could say, "A devil on the left of me and an angel to the right..."

A Comparison...

I was relaxing and listening to music and letting my mind run free the other night when I had this thought. It might already be well known or at least already written in many places. I don't know. I'll do some research into it when I have more time, but I do know that this wasn't in any of my college text books.

Abraham Maslow was a 'founding father' of psychology. He developed a personality theory based on a Hierarchy of Needs. Here is an illustration:




Eastern spirituality and medicine involve the idea that our bodies have energy centers called chakras. Each chakra relates to a particular need or drive. When a chakra is out of balance (either spinning too fast or too slow) we have physical, emotional, or mental issues. This is a very basic description. Here is an illustration of the chakras:



It occurred to me that they are almost exactly the same. The function of the chakras and the level of needs correspond as you ascend the hierarchy with the 'peak experiences' on the top being what happens when your chakras are all in perfect balance (or all of the 'lower' needs are met). I wonder if Maslow studied Eastern theories. I really must do some research so I can find out if he did. Part of me wants to think that I'm just really slow in making this connection. It's interesting anyway, and I will be thinking on this more.

Hoe of the Weekend

Congratulations to madman for becoming the Hoe of the Weekend! You crack me up, man!

Frame by Frame

Not sure if this is ready to share with the world...

Frame By Frame

I feel you in my mind
Thumbing through the albums
That hold the snapshots of my life

You are trying to decide
What I am thinking in the instant
That the shutter clicks

I don't think it's finished yet. It's just a little something that came to me last night.

Writing Assignment

Okay, all of you creative writers (you know who you are) I have an idea. Maybe you can write a paragraph or a few lines or whatever you can think of to describe this: a woman crying in a Corvette. I'm not giving you any other details. Those are up to you. You can decide if she's driving or if she parked somewhere and so on. Poetry, prose, or sentence fragments are allowed. No rules, basically. Have at it!

(Hoe Points awarded to all who participate)
{like that's some kind of incentive, eh?}

Indulge me

I'm in desperate need of some things that are lacking in my life right now. They are compassion, enthusiasm, and encouragement.

I'm begging here. Please anyone?

It's therapeutic...

I really like the pinkness of this blog template. It's calming. Maybe it's that same principle as the pink rooms that they supposedly have in prisons. Or maybe they don't have those anymore. I don't know. But it soothes the vicious beast anyway.

Hoe Horoscope

Jonathan Cainer's for today:

Wednesday, 8th June 2005

AQUARIUS (Jan 21 - Feb 19)

Marketing professionals know how to design great labels. They convince manufacturers to spend more on their packaging than on their products. The sales figures back them up. If, though, you are truly discerning, the world's fascination with superficiality can be very aggravating. Look now, at how those around you are being tricked into accepting something they ought to reject. Look too, at how much time you are wasting with a situation which is full of sparkle... but lacking in substance.

But he just doesn't understand how hard it is for a Redneck to resist anything that sparkles. I adore sparkle. I am completely mesmerized by sparkle. Is that so bad? Can you not take away some benefit from admiring the sparkle and enjoying how beautiful it is? That's why Rednecks love sparkly things. We take the time to enjoy that beauty without worrying if something has 'substance.' Isn't beauty its own kind of substance? I just can't accept that it is a waste of time to enjoy the sparkle. Sorry, Mr. Cainer, but sometimes the sparkle itself is substance enough.

Hormonal Hoe

Wait a minute. Have I already posted this? Is it that time of the month again already? Shit. I feel really yucky (for lack of a better word) today. The shingles seems to be getting a lot better, but maybe I've just been distracted by the pain in my freakin' mouth. I had to have a filling replaced yesterday because it was damaged and hurting like the devil. Now my cheek is bruised and my tooth is sore. Does it ever end? Jesus. I think the evil Pitch Forks have cursed me for revealing their wicked ways. (btw, the Mister is not a pitch fork, sorry honey for publicly embarrassing you)

Blah, blah, blah.

If I was an old horse they would probably just shoot me to get me out of everyone's misery.

If I said, 'mmm, I'd love to sniff your pits.' What would you do?

Oh, yeah, sorry Tayster, I forgot to give you the 50 Hoe Points for getting the Urban Cowboy quote. So here you go! I can't remember the exact lines from the movie, but Bud and Pam have an exchange about if he's a real cowboy and 'all that implies.' I just like that.

What else have I forgotten to do?

Today is my dad's birthday. The Hoe-lings and I are taking him out to eat later. I hope my mouth isn't hurting so much by then.

I'm complaining a lot. Sorry about that. I know I apologize too much. It's a lifelong habit. I always try to avoid conflict so I take the blame for everything to keep the peace. It's not healthy. But knowing that doesn't stop me. It's annoying to all of us. But don't you know that everything IS my fault? I'm God. (LOL) That makes me think of the Madonna song Ray of Light.

"Got herself a universe,
Gone quickly,
For the call of thunder
Threatens everyone..."

No, I really don't have delusions of grandeur. I'm just a lowly Hoe.

And the Good News Is...

My dad's cancer hasn't spread. We all are very relieved. I know he was really worried. I was too. So I'm going to celebrate.

Ways to Break a Hoe

1. make it feel like everything is its fault

2. make it feel like it's a constant source of disappointment

3. never tell it that you appreciate it

4. never act like you are proud of its efforts and achievements

5. only point out its deficiencies and imperfections

6. throw it down and forget about it

A Hoe's Favorite things...

I'm a post whore today. Or I should say I'm a post Ho(e) today. My mind is going at the speed of light today so I'm putting down a few little rays before they fade.

My favorite smells are my children's heads, the chemical scent of film, and marijuana just out of the stash box. Any parent knows that scent I mean when I say my children's heads. It's a sweet mostly indescribable scent that you pick up when you nuzzle their hair. I love to open a new film container and sniff it. I'm sure it's not the healthiest thing to snort, but it's not like I'm huffing paint or something. And when I go to the camera store the smell when you first walk in is strangely pleasant. I really wish there was an air freshener scent called 'Stash Box.' It's just absolutely ambrosial, to put it plain and simple.

I also love the scent of frankincence, patchouli, myrhh, and various other herbs and flowers. But all of those are kind of general favorites. What are your favorite scents?

The Freedom of Four (please disregard the junk in the background.... we are rednecks) 

Who's that masked boy? (and no, he doesn't really have Hobbit feet) 

I Must Be Getting Old or Something

I've been clicking on the 'next blog' button just to see where it takes me and I've discovered that I really have a hard time with some of the customized templates that people use. Some of them are just so weird and jumbled up that I have no idea of what to click for anything. Does anyone else feel that way or am I suffering from an old geezer's moment of not 'getting' it?

A Hoe's Hell

I just got a call from my dad. On Monday he had some moles removed from his back. Today he got the results back from the pathologist. They were melanomas which are malignant skin cancers. On Monday he will see an oncologist to have the tests to see if it has spread to his lymph nodes. I will go with him. If they have spread he'll have chemotherapy and possibly surgery. His doctor told him today that she suspects that it has spread because of the depth of the moles she removed. This is not a good. This is very bad.

My mom died of liver cancer in January 1997. It was not the kind that long term alcoholics get. She wasn't a drinker. She lived a healthy life. The cancer was a shock. However, both of her parents died of cancer. Her biological father whom my grandmother divorced when my mom was 5 died of stomach cancer when my mom was 14. My grandmother died of lung cancer in October 1995. She had smoked much of her life but quit in 1977 when my grandfather (my mom's step-father) had a stroke and was bedridden. If you're going to get it you're going to get it no matter what you do to try to avoid it. That is my fate.

I don't mean to sound morose or pessimistic. I'm not. I'm just realistic. Cancer is in my genes and the thought that it's only a matter of time is always in the back of my mind. This ever-present apprehension that I'm a ticking cancer timebomb is responsible for my approach to life. Live every day as fully as possible. You might not get tomorrow. If there is something you want to do or say don't hold it for later. I give of myself too freely according to some people I know. But what's the point in living if you don't give as much of yourself as possible to the people you love and care about? That's why we're here. That's why we have bodies and senses and our wonderfully complex minds and souls. We have this ability to communicate in so many ways so why do people refuse to use them? If you withhold yourself what are you accomplishing?

My mother's deathbed advice to me was to stop worrying about keeping the house clean. She said, "Don't waste you life worrying if the floor is clean enough." That is more profound every time I think about it. The fucking floor is NEVER going to be clean enough, and even if you did get it clean enough it would never stay that way. It's a pointless battle, a waste of time and energy. (I'm not saying I never clean my floors. I'm speaking figuratively.) I try very hard to be in the moment. I try to live in the present and not the past or future. Those are only illusions anyway. What is real is now.

I hope that my dad will get good news from the oncologist. If he doesn't we'll take it as it comes. But right now, well, I'm going to abuse my lungs a little because if that doesn't kill me then something else will.

So 'Scuse me while I kiss the sky...

Hoe Points

Thanks to the suggestion from Nick Danger I have decided to award Hoe Points to the Hoe of the Day honorees. Each previous honoree will be awarded 50 retroactive points for each day honored. Just for the record here is the list of previous Hoes of the Day and their points:

Lois Lane= 50 Hoe points
devilboss = 50 Hoe points
Tayster= 50 Hoe points
Hall= 50 Hoe points (I think I scared this guy too much, but he still gets his points.)
Mr. G= 50 Hoe points
Gina = 50 Hoe points
Nick Danger= 100 Hoe points (see link above)
I hope that's everyone. Scold me if I've left anyone out.

And for Today's Hoe of the Day let's give a big Congratulations and 50 points to madman!!

*points are non-transferable and void where prohibited by law

For a little Hoe fun...

What's your sign?
How many of you does it take to change a lightbulb?

Aries: Just one. You want to make something of it?

Taurus: One, but just *try* to convince them that the burned-out
one is useless and should be thrown away.

Gemini: Two, but the job never gets done--they just keep arguing
about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!

Cancer: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help
them through the grief process.

Leo: Leos don't change lightbulbs, although sometimes their agent
will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out.

Virgo: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.

Libra: Er, two. Or maybe one. No - on second thought, make that
two. Is that OK with you?

Scorpio: That secret information can only be shared only with the
Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient
Hierarchical Order.

Sagittarius: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about
a stupid burned-out lightbulb?

Capricorn: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

Aquarius: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.....

Pisces: Lightbulb? What lightbulb?


Hey all you different astrologically signed people who happen by here, does it sound like you? I'm an Aquarius and I've said that very thing many times about many things. Thanks to one of my livejournal friends for this.

Hoe of the Day returns...

I must repeat the honor of Hoe of the Day to Nick Danger because he's just so darned funny. Congratulations Mr. Danger! I think you are the first double honoree.

So it is...

Shingles. I was correct in my self-diagnosis. Unfortunately I don't have a medical degree and can't prescribe my own medicine. And no, I wouldn't abuse that privilege, well, with one exception. I often think I probably should have gone to medical school. But I'm getting too old now. And the thought of going back to school is as bad as the thought of going to prison. Anyway, my prescriptions which include an antiviral pill and ointment and hydrocodone were $194.90 at the Walmart pharmacy. That's ridiculous. But you have to have them. My insurance did help. Without it the price would have been $309 and some odd cents. I can think of plenty of other things I'd rather spend that money on.

Okay, in case I haven't already specified this let me explain what shingles is for anyone who doesn't know. Anyone who has had chicken pox can get it. The virus that causes chicken pox stays dormant in your body and can be reactivated later in life. Stress can cause it, but they don't really know exactly why it reactivates. It attacks your nerves and that is why it is so painful. The rash forms over the area where the virus has reactivated. In my case, and laugh if you want because the Mister has already relentlessly joked about it, it is on my right butt-cheek. Yes, I have a bona fide pain in my Hoe ass.