Spiders on Drugs

Sorry to those who can't handle spiders, but this is hilarious and I wish I had created it:

To Whom It May Concern (or not):

I'm going to indulge in a bit of rambling today. It seems I'm feeling a little lost, no not lost, but disoriented. Sometimes the Earth seems to not be spinning just right on its axis so that I get a little topsy-turvy. In my reading about butterflies I learned that it's probably some kind of magnetic thing that guides Monarch butterflies in their sometimes thousands-of-miles-long migrations. Well, if a butterfly can have some kind of magnetic thing then why can't I? ;-) And though I don't really know much about any of that stuff I have read that the Earth's magnetic poles are shifting and that they have always done this. Anyway, whatever. Unfortunately, I'll probably never learn exactly why I feel this way sometimes.

I've had several posts started, but I can't seem to finish any of them yet. Primarily, I've been thinking about Cognitive Pyschology and Spirituality, Feminism (pros and cons, but mostly cons), the problems with Anthropic reasoning, Biological vs. Environmental Influences, Tricksters in History, and Magic Words and Alchemy. Is your head spinning yet? Mine is. LOL Maybe it's more than my poor little brain can handle.

Anyway, I just know there is some thread of something that will lead me back to my point. Whatever that is. You see, I'm so disoriented that I can't even decide if I need to go forewards, backwards, up, down, or what.

It's raining today. It's a nice steady rain, and while I was soaking in a hot bath (I hurt my back over the weekend) I opened the window over the tub so I could listen to the rainfall. I wish I could say it offered some relief or insight, but it didn't. It just sounded nice. Even Nature is ignoring me today.

And even writing this rambling piece of nothing I'm losing my way. David left very early this morning to go to Florida for a few days with his dad and brother. The disorientation isn't related to that because it was happening previous to that. I hope he has fun. He rarely gets to take any kind of break like that. And it's important now because his dad just had colon cancer surgery a few weeks ago. They got it all, but he's starting some chemo after he gets back as a precaution.

I've got some kind of spider or bug bite on my foot. It could be a brown recluse bite, but I didn't see what did it. I've had a couple of bites like this before. It's very painful and a little swollen. It will heal but leave a scar like the others. I wonder if I get bitten enough will I be like Spiderman? That would probably suck. Superheroes have hard lives. ;-) So does the Trickster. Both do tend to get beat up a lot, either from bad guys or people who don't like what you have for them. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, they say. I don't know if it's really possible not to. Be kind to your critics if you can shut them up that way, but if you can't, beat the shit out of them. LOL It doesn't pay to be moderate with some people because they'll just stab you in the back next chance they get. Et tu, Brute?

Well, it's time for me to go pick up the kids.

Updates

RIP Momma Black Widow Spider: She died on 7-31-06. I think most of the babies have died too because they aren't moving at all, but I have seen one moving this morning.

Lemon Tree: The lemons are still growing great and have tripled in size since the last update. They love this excessive heat and humidity. I can't wait for the lemonade! The weird combination of spider webs has been abandoned. Maybe Praying Mantis ate the spider? But while I was in NC the tree got blown over in a big storm. I haven't seen Praying Mantis since then.

School: The first day of school is Aug. 11. What is the logic of starting the school year with a half day on a Friday? It must be the same logic that made the last day of last school year a half day on a Monday.

A Real Vicious Momma

Remember the black widow spider in the jar? Well, we have babies!



All of the dark little specks are babies. Bunches of them! And they all (momma and the egg sacs, and now spiderlings) have been in a sealed (no air holes) jar for 23 days. I've done some looking and found that it's not uncommon for spiders to survive long periods of time without food, water, or air. I even read claims that some spiders have lived up to 18 months without air, water, or food. Amazing!

Anyone who doubts the hardiness of Life and its ability to survive should pay close attention to my little experiment. In the photo you can see the remains of a butterfly and some other bug parts that the momma spider fed on a couple of months ago. However, as much as I've watched her I have not seen her feeding on any remains or on any of the babies. Time will show us if she does cannibalize the spiderlings or if they begin to cannibalize each other (or her) and how much longer they will survive without the introduction of any food, water, or air.

Again, if anyone is offended by my treatment of these creatures I'll remind them that I'm doing this for 'research'. Hell, if it's okay to use human embryos for stem cell research then it's okay for me to sacrifice the lives of some spiders to further my (and anyone who might read this) appreciation and understanding of Life. And besides, I'll assure you that Karma has already begun to play its game with me by invading my dreams with black widow spiders. Just last night I dreamed about my entire house being infested by them, yet it was less a nightmare than an interesting perspective and source of study.

And yeah, that bitch has still got to die eventually. ;-)

Tree of Life Update

Since the Tree of Life post has been particularly popular I thought I should do an update. This lemon tree is still full of life that is growing and changing.

See all the baby lemons:




And here is the biggest one I've found. It is about 2 cm long:




I haven't seen "possum bug" again so I think it is safe to assume that Praying Mantis did show him exactly how to play dead. And Praying Mantis has doubled in size:



A new development is this strange combination of spider webs. The one to the lower right of center is an orb weaver's design and the other at the upper center is a cobweb weaver's design. As far as I know spiders are an either-or weaver, meaning that they either weave round, orderly webs or they weave messy, unstructured cobwebs but not both. Okay, I just looked it up and there are four kinds of web-building spiders (orb, funnel, cobweb, and cellar). I could be wrong, but yesterday I saw Praying Mantis munching on what looked like a spider. Maybe he ate one and the other 'squatted' the webs. The small spider in the picture looks like an immature orb weaver type, but it seems to be staying in the cobweb. I'll keep watching it to see what happens. You can also see the long thorns on the lemon tree:



And just this past weekend I bought a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade, so now my appetite for it is whetted. I can't wait until those lemons are ripe!

I think I need to hear "The Lemon Song."

The way you squeeze my lemon...



------------------
Oh, and my turnip (car) seems to have evolved into a fine lemon, which is a good thing. ;-) No more problems, and I must thank Carmax for going above and beyond to make things right.

The Bitch Has Got To Die

I suppose I'm attempting to play God or Mother Nature, but I just can't let this one live to reproduce. She's way too smart and aggressive. She has killed and consumed both of the other spiders. She has taken to protecting the egg sac of one of the other, now dead, spiders. It might appear that she has 'adopted' them, but I know what she's thinking. ;-) She wants to feed on the other spider's babies. I covered the air holes in the lid 4 days ago, and she seems to not be affected much yet. She still tries bite me through the jar, unlike the other spiders, even after one of them laid her eggs. She knows that the lid is the opening of the jar and waits there to get me in case I open it. The other spiders didn't behave the same way. If my actions offend any PETA types, well, they can kiss my ass. I'm not letting some super-smart and aggressive spider reproduce in my little part of the universe.

I've wondered about the issue of Karma here. If I intentionally let this spider die am I going to suffer some Karmic consequences? Maybe, but it could be that I am the Karma for this spider who might have been some foul person in a past life.

I'm curious to see if she dies before the spiderlings emerge and if they will try to feed on her. The jar is not 100% airtight. I wonder if the babies will even hatch or survive long if they do hatch. I hope, though, that it is sealed enough to keep any babies from escaping. Now, wouldn't that be a Karmic twist for my house to become infested with black widow spiders? But I don't really see that happening. Anyway, that bitch is going to die.

Odd Findings

A cool-looking egg casing that I'm having trouble identifying. It's really pretty and sparkly in the sunlight and has a hard, resinous texture, kind of like amber. It looks like a glob of dried bronze glitter glue. I clipped the branch of the tree where I found it. The sparkling caught my attention when I was picking black raspberries at the edge of the woods. I guess I'll keep it in a jar and see what it becomes.

Black widow spider update:

The first one I caught (from the lunchbox) has produced an egg sac. She must have mated before I caught her. Her belly had gotten very big (should have taken a photo), and this morning I found this:



I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to dispose of the spider and her progeny, but another part of me wants to let them live. As much as I've been presented with spider "medicine" in the last couple of years I feel like this might be some kind of a shamanic test. I wonder what happens if I fail it? Even more, I wonder what happens if I pass it.

Critter Updates

Other than the spider in the previous post there has been lots of other critter activity around here this past week.

We've been adopted by a stray dog:

It (the brown one) is a 'weinie dog' or something. It has a hurt front leg, but I swear, why me? Why us? (This is the Chinese Year of the Dog, though.) Jewel, the white and black one, seems to like the company. It acts like it's found it home, but I'll have to look around for "lost dog" signs to try to find its real home.



Jewel has found a turkey nest. First she brought us a dead chick, and then she brought a live one that I've rescued. I think it thinks I'm its mother now because I've fed it worms and grubs and taken care of its slight injuries. Every time it sees me it starts chirping so cute.

I've named it Chirp-chirp. This is probably not going to end well because if I release it Jewel will probably catch it again, and if I keep it too long it will probably become too tame. I've instructed the kids not to pick up the bird and play with it. Thoughts of the bird flu have not escaped me even though it is very unlikely to be an issue. Btw, in shamanism turkeys generally represent "give-away" or generosity and blessings.


I haven't seen Clyde the frog in a long time. I suppose he moved on to a more suitable female, but he was appreciated while he was here. I've heard frogs croaking in the distance and wondered if one of them was Clyde.


David ran over a black snake the other day. He thought it was just a stick in the road. He brought it to the house so the kids and I could see it. I don't know if it died. He put it out in the woods, but when we looked later it was gone. It could have been the one I saw last Sunday, but it looked smaller.


Not a critter but exciting for me anyway:

The first ever bloom on my lemon tree. And man, does it smell wonderful! When my dad first gave it to me a few years ago it was just a little stick in a pot of dirt. But now it is over 6 feet tall and mature enough to bloom. We will probably have lemons later this summer (I hope so!) because there are bunches of buds getting ready to open. My dad has had some fruit-bearing lemon trees for several years now.


UPDATE(1:00 am Mon.): I couldn't sleep for thinking that I've misidentified 'Chirp-chirp' as a turkey when he/she is probably just a chicken. There are lots of wild turkeys around here, as well as grouse which Jewel has killed before. I assumed that this was a turkey because of that and because its feathers have the exact same coloring and patterning as turkey feathers. But my father-in-law saw it and said he thought it was a chicken because it looks like some that our neighbor has. Uh-oh, I see a neighbor feud on the horizon if our dog has been killing/stealing his chickens...

David found that snake dead down by the driveway. Jewel probably killed it too.

I found two more black widows today and put them in the same jar. I'm watching to see if they attack each other or fight over food. My god, that's cruel, isn't it?! But as far as I know spider-fighting isn't illegal like cock-fighting is. Besides, I'm not taking or making any bets about it.

Science and Magic: Confined Danger

My new pet.

Temporarily, anyway. I found this black widow spider (Latrodectus mactans) under a lunch box that had been left out in the yard (yeah, redneck trash, lol), so I captured it to show the kids why they should not leave things in the yard and why they should not pick up things that have been left out without flipping them over with a stick or something. I hate to think of what might have happened if my youngest, whose lunchbox it was, had carelessly picked this up and gotten bitten. Fatality is rare in bitten adults, but you just don't know with a small child. After lecturing them and demonstrating to them how to flip things over with a stick the only thing they wanted to know was how I got it in the jar. What clever children! How, how, how? I suppose it could look to them like I had performed some kind of magic trick by successfully handling this spider without getting bitten myself. What to do? Tell them that they don't need to know? Or tell them some 'magic trick' that only vicious mommas can do? Or tell them the truth that I just held the jar uside down over it until it climbed to the 'bottom' of the jar then I quickly put on the lid? Why question how to answer their question? Because I had some doubt that all of my warnings against trying to catch a black widow would deter them from trying, especially if I told them how I did it myself. And they really must not try it! (Btw, I told them the truth and continued to warn them that if they see a black widow they should stay far away from it... do as I say and not as I do and all that.)

I found it on Thursday with the butterfly carcass in its clutches. It carried it into the jar and continued feeding on it. I've fed it a small grasshopper and a large grub since then, and its belly has doubled in size. David thinks I'm fattening it up to poison him. As if! I just like to observe it. I emailed a spider researcher at UT to ask if they have any need for black widows. She said no. Oh well.

I've had so many things I've wanted to share here, but I keep getting interrupted by children and friends and losing my train of thought (I started on this post Friday and still haven't finished it). I'm not an intellectual powerhouse who can keep so many thoughts fresh and ready at a moment's notice. I'm tempted to think about how different it could be, but that accomplishes nothing but putting me in an even more foul mood. Remember the movie, Minority Report (yeah, Tom Fucking Retard Cruise, but the actual movie is prettty cool)? There were those people who saw the crimes of the future and they had to be protected from outside influences in order to be able to 'see' those things. Well, that's a kind of a sci-fi interpretation of an ivory tower type of situation where some great thinker or whatever can isolate and concentrate. Sounds nice to me! But I can't very well escape life and its responsibilities to 'tinker' on the computer. Not that anyone is missing anything if I don't anyway.

There has to be an invisible sun
It gives its heat to everyone
There has to be an invisible sun
That gives us hope when the whole day's done

"Invisible Sun" by the Police

I had all these fun thoughts about the similarity of science and magic and how shamans (which I can't truly claim to be one) and string theorists (definitely can't claim that title either) have much in common in how they see the world. They both transcend the four 'known' dimensions; one senses them through 'magic' derived from natural ability and/or various practices, and the other explores them through their experiments and formulae, etc. (also requires some natural ability). I think that they are studying the same things only through different "reference frames." (Sorry, Lubos if I'm misusing you, your blog title, and all you do - it's meant entirely in a complimentary fashion.) What string theorists do looks to me as magical and mysterious as my own uncanny experiences with Nature. I hope not to insult anyone with such a comparison, and I'm by far not qualified to extend that comparison beyond this surface similarity.

...
There's a little black spot on the sun today
(That's my soul up there)
It's the same old thing as yesterday
(That's my soul up there)
...

There's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web
(That's my soul up there)

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain
...

There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
...

There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday

I have stood here before in the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
...

"King of Pain" by the Police

Sorry to end on a low note, but I've lost my thoughts again.

Sad News

Rest In Peace, Lovely



Lovely is the one in the background with the heart-shaped black spot on her side which inspired her name. Jewel, her sister, is the one in the front. Interesting 'orb' there, btw.

Lovely, one of our Jack Russels, died last night. Late yesterday she started acting sick with vomiting and diarrhea, soon followed by muscle spasms in her rear legs and loss of muscle control and collapse. I suspect she was bitten by a black widow spider because of her symptoms. I looked it up and it fits with what happened. And we have lots of black widow spiders around here. A black widow bite could easily kill a 14 pound dog.

This is especially sad for me because she is the one who so miraculously recovered from her severe injuries from getting hit by my car in December. She was such a sweet, loving dog who had a strong will to overcome her injuries. But she was no match for a poisonous spider. I think I'm more sad than the kids.

Phobias

(this is my third attempt at a post today, everything seems pointless today)

Do you have any phobias? I used to be deathly afraid of spiders (Arachnophobia), but after studying shamanism I've overcome that fear. I've never been terrified of snakes or any other creatures. Actually, I'm really fascinated with most creepy-crawlies. I might have a bit of Acrophobia, the fear of heights, but I chalk that up to common sense avoidance of dangerous places like unsecured high ledges, etc. I mean, isn't that just common sense to stay away from the edge of a cliff? I really dislike clowns, but I don't think it's to the point of Coulrophobia. I have a dysfunctional relationship with food and hate to cook, but I don't fear cooking (Mageirocophobia).

The one thing that I do have this terrible, irrational fear of is making phone calls. I can't find a name for that one. Now, I can receive a call and talk on the phone just fine most of the time, though I do hate my phone voice which is too little girly and soft and thick with that Tennessee twang. But just in the last week I've missed two appointments due to my being a bimbo (I'm not blonde but I do have lots of recessive blonde genes.) And now, I'm tormented by having to call and reschedule them. How stupid is that? I know that all I have to do is dial the number and tell the receptionist that I need to reschedule my appointments. So why do I find it so difficult? It's totally irrational and inexplicable.

I just did a search on fear of phoning and apparently it's pretty common. And the most frequent advice is to just make the f*cking calls and get over it. Yeah. LOL

Retrospection, 2005

I was going to title this post "2005, the Year that Kicked My Ass." But I just wasn't in the mood for a long title today. Maybe that's because at this year's end I feel rushed for some vague reason. Is it because the kids are home and I'm hesitant to hole up in my office for too long? Or is it just the feeling that the clock is ticking and time is getting away from me? I don't know. But I do want to take a look at this year's big events, mostly from my personal perspective.

The year started with a bang. While the world was reeling from the Tsumani catastrophe I was revisited by my old health nemesis, urinary tract infections. Why this year? Why the sudden recurrence? It seemed a bad omen to start the new year of 2005 in pain and discomfort.

Then I got for my birthday the absolute best gift ever, a red Corvette convertible, my dream car. Wow, now that was great! Unfortunately, only two months after getting it a woman ran a red light and crashed into it, nearly totalling it. I just can't have anything nice. But it could have been worse. If the impact had been on my driver side door instead of the front wheel I would have been hurt. Incidentally, it happened when I was leaving the doctor's office to make sure my urine was clear of infection.

Then in June I got shingles. Not the best way I can think of to start the summer break with the kids. I did get to the doctor in time to take anti-viral medication to alleviate it and keep it from getting as bad as it could have been without the medicine. But it did keep me indoors and out of the heat and therefore away from getting to some of the garden projects I had planned. Looking back now I can see that it wore me down more than I realized at the time.

Around that same time my dad was diagnosed with melanoma. He was getting several spots cut off his back and was having to repeatedly go and have more cut out. He had to have some lymph nodes removed and that was an ordeal. And since then he's been having to have more spots cut off. This has been ongoing and I know he's worn out from it. I'm a little worn out too.

Then there was Katrina. Although I didn't personally experience any of the destruction or its aftermath I did meet a few survivors who came up here. Whenever something of that magnitude happens we all are affected in more ways than we might realize. A disturbance in the Force, if you will. It reverberates all around us. There is a collective effect on us all, psychologically as much as economically or otherwise. We would be very wrong to try to diminish to importance of this event for us all.

After Katrina there were even more destructive storms that didn't get the amount of news coverage that they would have gotten if Katrina hadn't happened. It was a record breaking hurrincane season with the named storms exceeding the alphabet. The full list of named storms for 2005:

Tropical Storm Arlene
Tropical Storm Bret
Tropical Storm Cindy
Hurricane Dennis
Hurricane Emily
Tropical Storm Franklin
Tropical Storm Gert
Tropical Storm Harvey
Hurricane Irene
Tropical Depression Ten
Tropical Storm Jose
Hurricane Katrina
Tropical Storm Lee
Hurricane Maria
Hurricane Nate
Hurricane Ophelia
Hurricane Philippe
Hurricane Rita
Tropical Depression Nineteen
Hurricane Stan
Tropical Storm Tammy
Subtropical Depression Twenty-two
Hurricane Vince
Hurricane Wilma
Tropical Storm Alpha
Hurricane Beta
Tropical Storm Gamma
Tropical Storm Delta
Hurricane Epsilon


This has also been the Year of the Spider. I've had many dreams of spiders, and there have been lots of real spiders too.

And then this year we've been dealing with school issues with my fourth grader. This is the first year that I've had any kind of problems with what's happening at school. I think we've mostly got it worked out, but it has been a big source of stress in this latter third of the year.

And it seems like this last third of the year I've been sick with one thing after another. I had that terrible case of strep throat, and I've caught every virus/bug that has been around. On top of all that I've had several UTIs throughout the year too. I think that getting shingles somehow compromised my immune system so that I'm getting sick all the time. Just my theory, anyway.

And then most recently I ran over the puppy. She's doing okay. We brought her home on Dec. 23. She looks pitiful, but she seems to be getting better. I have had to fight feelings of guilt and regret over the whole thing. It has been just another thing that has kicked my ass this year.

Of course, this year hasn't been all bad. There have been many good things too. I would like to think that somehow I've survived all the bad by trying to keep the good in view. I started this blog this year, and through it I have made some really good friends, even if we haven't ever met face-to-face. This is where I've revealed some of my innermost thoughts and to have people still like me despite those I'm very grateful.

This year has kicked my ass in lots of ways, and I'm a little worn out from it all. I don't want to sound too whiny about it, though, because despite all of that I'm okay. If this had been a few years ago I couldn't have said that. But I really am okay. And that's a big thing for me. As that old saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I've been tested this year, and I think that I am stronger, or at least not weakened by it all (except for my immune system). Nearly everyone I know has been through a really difficult year. This has been the Chinese Year of the Wood Rooster (or Cock, hehehe), The Year of the Big Talk and the Big Reforms. I can't remember where I read it, but I do recall reading that the Year of the Rooster is often marked by lots of difficulties which gives us a lot of potential for growth. That does seem to fit with what has been happening this year, for me at least, more so than the previous few years anyway. Now that I think of it, the last Year of the Rooster was 1993, another difficult year for me.

Well, I suppose I've rambled on too long about it now. I hope we all have a better 2006. So let's all reflect on this year and what we've learned from it and take those lessons with us into next year. No New Year's resolutions for me except for a 'To Do' list of projects I want to complete.

So a Happy and Safe New Year to all!

Comet the Spider

Have you ever watched a spider run across an entire room? They run, run, run just as fast as their eight little legs will go. But they'll only go a few feet and then stop for a few seconds and then take off again. Don't you think they are stopping to catch their breath? Surely bugs and spiders have metabolic limits like we do. And I wonder if that metabolic threshold varies by individual like ours do. Sometimes you can see bugs breathing if you watch their abdomens. They expand and contract just like ours do when we breathe. I've never noticed the way spiders breathe though.

I've been dreaming about spiders so much this whole year. And especially in the last few months I've dreamed about this same spider. I missed my 'extra hour' of sleep on Saturday night because I was dreaming about this spider and woke up because it surprised me by jumping on me in the dream. I actually screamed out loud (and woke up David too, but he fell back to sleep). The clock said about 5:30 am, but it was really an hour earlier because I hadn't reset the clocks yet. I couldn't get back to sleep so I just got up and made some coffee and watched tv.

In that dream this spider had built a huge web all across the living room ceiling. Every time I came into the room it would run towards me, like it recognized me. This had been happening in some previous dreams. In this one someone (can't remember who now) was there with me, and I was telling them about this spider's behavior. I was telling them that I've named it 'Comet' because it runs so fast, and that is when it jumped on me. I don't think I screamed from fear but from surprise.

Then Monday night I dreamed about Comet and three other spiders. Comet is a large orb weaver. One of the other spiders was just like him but a little smaller. The other two were writing spiders. They were fighting, and it looked like Comet and his friend were winning. But it was hard to tell. And they were hissing, but I think that is purely fictional. There may be hissing spiders somewhere in the world, but I've never seen or heard one hissing in 'person'. I can't remember any more of that particular dream.

I told David about it, but he said it doesn't mean anything. I just can't accept that. I've been dreaming about spiders all year, and this is something new. I just don't believe that it means nothing. The dreams have escalated in intensity and in the spiders' proximity to me. I've looked up in some 'dream dictionaries' what spider dreams might mean, but I'm not sure those meaning apply to me. I wish I could tell Carl Jung about it and see what he would say.

Arachnophobes Beware:

As I've previously mentioned it seems that this is another Year of the Spider. I had thought that maybe it was going to be something else, but the spiders aren't done with me yet. I've gotten much confirmation on figuring this out in the form of seeing many more spiders and some unusual ones. What the Spider does is weave webs. And interestingly enough, this World Wide Web is quite like the Dreamcatcher that the Native Americans designed. Here are some pictures I took this week of some of my spider friends.


Black and Yellow Argiope, Argiope auranita, with prey, poor little thing has lost a leg somehow. There are a couple of these spiders near my tomato plants. Around here they are commonly called "writin' spiders" because of the zigzag patterns in their webs. When we were kids we always heard that if you saw your name or initials in a web that you were going to die soon. But I've also read that in some areas the folklore is that the name or initials would be of your future spouse. Like they say, "Life's a bitch, then you marry one and die." Or something like that.


Triangulate Orb Weaver, Verrucosa arenata, actually there are two of these near my house, this one with a yellowish back and another with a whitish back


Green lynx spider, Peucetia viridans, I like the violetish color on its legs, and this was the first of this species I'd ever seen. It was on a rose bush, and yesterday it caught a Japanese beetle and was ingesting it. I tried to get a picture, but none of the shots came out good enough.


Another Green lynx spider, with prey, this is not the same one as above. This one was on a hydrangea bush.

I've evolved again!

Hey, just noticed I'm now a 'lowly insect'! Maybe it was all that spider talk?

I'm Being Stalked...

by this little guy:




He keeps running all along the ceiling of my office. It's like he's making rounds. I can co-exist with him peacefully as long as he doesn't try to get on me. The kids saw him and got scared, so I told them he was my little friend. Now they aren't afraid. I was thinking that the Year of the Spider has passed and that this might be the Year of the Lightening Bug, but maybe Mr. Spider wants another year.

Does that seem wrong to say 'lightening bug' instead of 'lightning bug'? Have I already mentioned that? I think I say 'lightening' because it's short for 'lightening-up bug', like old timers who would have called them 'lightenin'-up bugs' because old hillbillies tend to have long, descriptive names for things. I just recently realized that I add that extra 'e' sound when I say it and write it.

Speaking of lightening-up bugs, on July 4th while I was sitting out on the swing with my Dad and waiting for it to get dark enough for the fireworks bonanza, I mentioned to him that it seemed like there was an unusually large population of lightening bugs this summer. He said that there had been an article in the paper about it and that it wasn't just me or my yard. I was so pleased to find out that I hadn't imagined that there were more than usual. For whatever reason their numbers are way up this year. Maybe they have population booms like the cicadas that people talked about so much last year. (We didn't have any cicadas in my yard last year, but some people had so many that their ground was covered by them. Oddly enough, we have more cicadas this year.)

I had been thinking that maybe all of that meant that it would be, shamanistically speaking, the Year of the Lightening Bug and that it would suggest enlightenment and communication. None of my books have lightening bugs and their symbolism defined, so I have come to my own conclusions about what they mean based on their behavior and appearance. I think they indicate enlightenment simply because that's what they do. I am fascinated by the way living creatures can create light like they do (and some deep ocean creatures too, very cool!), and there are places that buy captured lightening bugs for research. Their lightening up is related to mating (isn't everything when you boil it down?) and communicating. I think I've read that the females emit a pheromone that makes the male light up so they can 'talk'. Maybe that's an oversimplified explanation? Anyway, for my purposes, it goes along with the symbolism of communications with the visible (light) and the invisible (pheromones).

But I keep encountering spiders and that's making me wonder if they aren't done with me yet. Spiders symbolize a lot of things. They are very complex. Here is a tarot card I did last year that kind of touches on the basics:



What it says about the Wheel also applies to the Spider's Web. So I guess maybe both of these influences are important to my life right now. I'm sure I'll be writing more about this later.

Totem Hoe

About three years ago I had a session with a shaman who told me what some of my totems are. My main one is a mouse. Yeah, a lowly little mouse, but it's pretty accurate because mice are detail oriented and like to store things and dig, like a hoe. Mouse medicine is Scrutiny and Analysis which is good and bad. There is such a thing as over-analyzing and picking apart stuff. Oh, I know that all too well. This very blog is an exercise in that. Some of my other totems are hummingbird, butterfly, dragonfly, lizard, and spider. I know there are some others, but I will have to look back at my old notes and see if I wrote all of them down.

Hummingbird medicine is pure joy. They flee from conflict and ugliness, yet they are quite fierce and tough when they need to be. They exist to bring about happiness and help us find joy in all we do. They also teach us how to use flowers for healing. Hummingbirds will die if caged.

Butterfly medicine is transformation. The life cycle of the butterfly goes from egg, to larva (caterpillar), to pupa (chrysalis), to adult. The transformation from that occurs in the chrysalis is such a mystery. How a soft, wormy thing can become a beautiful, winged insect is amazing and representative of the potential change within us all.

Dragonfly medicine is illusion and the power of light. Dragonfly knows that the way in which things reflect and absorb light determines how they are seen. Dragonfly reminds us to remember that we can change how we perceive things, that we can shine the light on our illusions to help us see the truth.

Lizard medicine is subtlety and keenness of perception. Lizard can feel the vibrations and heat of their insect prey as they move. And Lizard's eyesight can detect the slightest movements. Lizard medicine is clairvoyance and the ability to bridge the conscious and subconscious, as in dreaming. Sometimes Lizard is called the Dreamer.

Spider medicine is creativity and the weaving of fate. By spinning its web Spider is creating the Universe and the fate of all who enter that web. Spider is a creator but is also a destroyer. If you are caught in its web when its hungry you might become its next meal. But we have to remember that feeding the creator is just as honorable and important as any other destiny.

Just like a totem pole this totem hoe has many components. We all do. None of us are just simple sticks, well, except maybe pitch forks.