Thursday, June 29, 2006

A Turnip? (but I'm kind of smart sometimes anyway)

Well, it might be that my new car is a turnip, not a lemon. ;-) We've had to take it back to Carmax yet again (third or fourth time, I've lost count) because it keeps dying. If I don't drive it one day then the next it is completely dead. They already replaced the battery so we know that isn't the problem. Well, when I dropped it off this morning I asked them if these new cars still have alternators because my old 1978 Firebird (which is very Redneck-style sitting in the garage with the engine pulled out for rebuilding) used to have alternator problems that exhibited the exact same symptoms. The guy at the service counter, who knows me pretty well by now and is probably sick seeing my face in there, said that they do in fact still have alternators and noted that on his papers. The reason I wasn't sure if new cars have alternators is because I do know that most new cars no longer have carburetors, but have fuel injectors instead. I just wasn't sure if the electrical components had experienced a similar evolution as the fuel components.

Anyway, I just received a call from Carmax telling me that they think they have found the problem, a bad diode in the alternator. LOL! Not too bad for a dumb woman, eh? Actually, Carmax has been very good to deal with, and I have never felt discriminated against as I have at every other car dealership I've dealt with. Even though it is past the 30 warranty they aren't charging us for this repair because it has been an ongoing problem. I like the way they do business because they really seem to care about not pissing off customers. Some car dealerships only care about selling a car and not at all about what happens afterwards. Although we've had all these problems with the car from Carmax we will probably do business with them again just because they stand behind their promises, and even beyond.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

What's Your Southern Sign?

I'm a "Chitlin" which is short for "chitterlings" which is hog guts. Nice. LOL I've never eaten 'chitlins' but I often see little old black ladies at the grocery store with a buggy full of 10 pound buckets of chitterlings. They are cheap eating because a 10 pound bucket costs about $5.99.

Some Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes
and the people that read them. If we are to ever
fully understand all the star signs and the people
they represent, we need symbols that all true
Southerners understand. See the list below:

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20): Are tough on the outside
but tender on the inside. Okras have tremendous
influence. An older Okra can look back over his
life and see the seeds of his influence
everywhere. You can do something good each day if
you try.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19): Chitlins come from
humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, will make
something of himself if he is motivated and has lots
of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful
- they may surprise you. They can erupt like
Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20): You have an
overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the
surface of things, and you feel the need to bore
deep into the interior of everything. Needless to
say, you are very intense and driven as if you had
some inner hunger. You love to stay busy and tend
to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is
going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20): You're the type
that spends a lot of time on the front porch. A
cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon
Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You
should marry anybody who you can get remotely
interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy.
You always have a big smile and are happy. This
might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe

POSSUM (April 21 - May 21): When confronted with
life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency
to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it
attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people
actually think you're dead. This strategy is
probably not psychologically healthy but seems to
work for you. You are a rare breed. Most folks love
to watch you work and play. You are a night person
and mind your own business.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21): Crawfish is a water
sign. If you work in an office, you're hanging
around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach
to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and
the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be
particularly attractive physically, but you have
very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23): Collards have a genius
for communication. They love to get in the melting
pot of life and share their essence with the
essence of those around them. Collards make good
social workers, psychologists, and baseball
managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you
are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just
won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23): Catfish are
traditionalists in matters of the heart, although
one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones.
You Catfish are never easy people to understand.
You run fast. You work and play hard. Even though
you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface
of life, you are liked by most. Above all else,
Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23): Your highest aim is to be
with others like yourself. You like to huddle
together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love
to travel though, so maybe you should think about
joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere
they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter, or eggs and
a good time. If you can go somewhere where they
have all these things; that serves you well. You
are pure in heart.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23): You have a
passionate desire to help your fellow man.
Unfortunately, those who know you best, your
friends and loved ones, may find that your
personality is much too salty, and their criticism
will affect you deeply because you are really much
softer than you appear. You should go right ahead
and marry anybody you want to because in a certain
way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life,
you can be sure that people will always pull over
and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22): Always invite a
Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get
along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean,
should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life,
and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You
can sit next to anybody. However, you, too,
shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21): You have a tendency to
develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite
gentle and kind inside. A good evening for you--old
friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and
insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned
with today's fashions and trends. You're not
concerned with anything about today. You're almost
prehistoric in your interests and behavior
patterns. You probably want to marry another
Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky
mating possibility.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Hold onto the Thread

I like this song because it has a Zeppelinesque sound.

"Oceans" by Pearl Jam

Hold onto the thread
The currents will shift
Glide me towards you
Know something's left
And we're all allowed
To dream of the next
Oh, ohh the next, time we touch...

Oooh... (4x)

You don't have to stray
Tho oceans away
Waves roll in my thoughts
Hold tight the ring
The sea will rise
Please stand by the shore
Oh, oh, oh, I will be
I will be there once more

Oooh... (4x)
Uh huh, oh yeah... (2x)

Is water tension more like gravity or electro-magnetism?

Either way, it has always fascinated me that the same force that holds the oceans together lets a tiny rock slip right through. This planet really is beautiful, and our incarnation here is a blessing. Whatever universe we were a part of before surely couldn't have been as fascinating and sensual as this one.

I kind of hate to say it, but I see big changes on the horizon. But that is part of our 'purpose' here, to learn to deal with changes. To evolve. Perhaps our climate is on its way to some drastic, long-term changes. It wouldn't be the first time that humans had to evolve through such changes. The Ice Age nearly did us in, but apparently we've bounced back quite well now. The Global Warming Alarmists are committing the Deadly Sin of Hubris to think that we can really induce or stop large climatic changes. That isn't the reason for Life, to control. The reason is to go with the flow. To adapt. Migrate. Enjoy our material world without becoming too attached to it and the illusion of stability.

Yesterday was cool and rainy. Refreshing. Everything is green again. I sewed some little handbags for my daughter and her friend. I had cut off some of my youngest's too-short jeans to make shorts and used the cut off parts to make little bags. I decorated them with beaded trim and ribbons. They are cute. Yesterday was one of those rainy days for which I have saved stuff to do. I'm in the process of making a slip-cover for the chaise in my bedroom. Everything is a work in progress. Hold onto the thread.

Monday, June 26, 2006

The Bitch Has Got To Die

I suppose I'm attempting to play God or Mother Nature, but I just can't let this one live to reproduce. She's way too smart and aggressive. She has killed and consumed both of the other spiders. She has taken to protecting the egg sac of one of the other, now dead, spiders. It might appear that she has 'adopted' them, but I know what she's thinking. ;-) She wants to feed on the other spider's babies. I covered the air holes in the lid 4 days ago, and she seems to not be affected much yet. She still tries bite me through the jar, unlike the other spiders, even after one of them laid her eggs. She knows that the lid is the opening of the jar and waits there to get me in case I open it. The other spiders didn't behave the same way. If my actions offend any PETA types, well, they can kiss my ass. I'm not letting some super-smart and aggressive spider reproduce in my little part of the universe.

I've wondered about the issue of Karma here. If I intentionally let this spider die am I going to suffer some Karmic consequences? Maybe, but it could be that I am the Karma for this spider who might have been some foul person in a past life.

I'm curious to see if she dies before the spiderlings emerge and if they will try to feed on her. The jar is not 100% airtight. I wonder if the babies will even hatch or survive long if they do hatch. I hope, though, that it is sealed enough to keep any babies from escaping. Now, wouldn't that be a Karmic twist for my house to become infested with black widow spiders? But I don't really see that happening. Anyway, that bitch is going to die.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Dust in the Wind

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

[Now] Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.

By Kansas

Cainer's for today:

Thursday, 22nd June 2006


People say one thing when they mean another. People insist that they mean what they say even when they are not saying what they mean. People, sometimes, DO say that they mean something different, but that's only in the hope that the second meaning will obscure the true meaning. We need translators to go everywhere with us to unravel the complex web of confusion. Assuming, that is, that we actually want to know what people really mean. Maybe it's as well we don't!

Someone in Saudi Arabia translated my blog into Arabic. I've always thought that Arabic is such a pretty-looking language in print. How interesting to see my own words translated into such a foreign language. At least I guess they are still my words with their same meaning. I'll never really know, will I?

Words really are like dust in the wind. We say things and those sound waves just keep going until they scatter into tiny bits like dust I don't know if that's "scientifically correct," but I don't really care at this particular moment. ;-) (Okay, just to be clear, I'm not saying that sound waves become dust particles, this is just a simile.) It's kind of poetic and that has it's own value. It gives me a most pleasant sensation in my brain.

God, I love Neil Diamond. Even more than Elvis, which is saying a lot for a Southern girl.

"Maybe tonight
Maybe tonight by the fire
All alone you and I
Nothing around but the sound
Of my heart and your sighs

Money talks
But it can't sing and dance
And it don't walk
As long as I can have you here with me
I'd much rather be
Forever in blue jeans"

"Forever in Blue Jeans" by Neil Diamond

Fuck. I've been dropping the "F-bomb" an awful lot lately. Maybe I'm just trying to make lots of dust. ;-)

Last night I was thinking about how different things look through a screen of smoke or fog, the way the light reflects/refracts differently. It makes it easier to shift your focus. Shifting your focus is essential in solving problems.

Dust in the wind. We need that, and that's why it is that way.

"And it wasn't so much her words as such
As the way they were sung
It was the way they were sung"

"Desiree" by Neil Diamond

See what I'm talking about or do I need to make more dust so you can focus on it better? ;-)

Neil Diamond sings about all the good things in life.

We got things we gotta catch up on
Mmmm, you know you know what I'm sayin'
Can't stand still while the music is playin'

"Cherry, Cherry" by Neil Diamond

We all know he's not talking about dancing on a dancefloor, right? Isn't that what he's saying, Mr. Cainer? Oh, yeah, that's right, it's one of 'them there' (sorry, the Hick in me pops out sometimes) double entendre things. Or maybe he really is just talking about dancing? And that's how the focus changes in the smoke/dust. Sometimes it's a little frustrating.

Oh, the sound and the fury!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Macbeth by Shakespeare

This is an idiot's tale, or at least that is one way of looking at it. William Faulkner, another Southerner, wrote an idiot's tale called The Sound and the Fury. I did a paper in high school about why Faulkner chose that title. It seems so common now, but at the time it was very interesting to me to analyze that kind of thing. I probably still have that old paper stashed away somewhere. Not that it matters. Let it turn to dust for all I know. I have no original ideas. I'm an idiot in this particular consistency of light and dust.

Poor Lady Macbeth, she would have been so much better off if she had Neil Diamond singing to her.

I hope I'm posthumously famous. I don't care if it takes 500 years either. Living fame is hard on people.

Okay, where was I?

There was supposed to be lots of other stuff 'between the paragraphs' in this post, but I had a very long (several hours) interruption and some of those thoughts decayed past dust before I got to put them down. Dust in the wind. Signifying nothing.

Song sung blue
Weeping like a willow
Sleeping on my pillow
Funny thing,
But you can sing it with a cry in your voice
And before you know it start to feeling good
You simply got no choice

"Song Sung Blue" by Neil Diamond

And that, folks, is shifting your focus.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Happy Summer Solstice!

For reasons that I can't articulate well this is my favorite day of the year with Winter Solstice a close second. Guy, the Savage Farmer, described it this way, "The great turning point wherein power and potential exceeds the limits of possibility and the cycle of being turns on a celestial dime." That is as close to an explanation why I love this day as I've ever read.

Here are some lyrics for the day:

"Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
And I say it’s all right.
Little darling it’s been a long cold lonely winter,
Little darling it feels like years since it’s been here.
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
And I say it’s all right.
Little darling the smiles returning to their faces,
Little darling it seems like it’s years since it’s been here,
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
And I say it’s all right.
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes.
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes.
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes.
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes.
Little darling I feel that ice is slowly melting,
Little darling it seems like years since it’s been clear,
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
It’s all right, it’s all right.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Nothing Is Really Free (updated)

Instead of rambling on about all the things that have kept me from blogging lately I think I'll try to just make a list:

1. Serious computer problems beginning on last Thursday. The "free" McAfee Firewall Express from my comcast internet account apparently seized up Windows. What good is something if it's going to screw everything up? I uninstalled it, and everything is working normally again. Fuck McAfee and comcast!

2. Baseball tournament. My oldest son's baseball team played a game Friday night and four games on Saturday. It was definitely an all day affair but very much fun despite getting a sunburn. They got third place. So yay!

3. Father's Day. Happy Daddy's Day a day late to all the daddies out there! We spent time with our dads yesterday. David had an okay Father's Day even though he wouldn't let me get him anything. Well, remember that when he gets to feeling neglected or something. He's the one who insisted on not getting something. I'm not taking any blame on that one. Maybe he felt guilty for not getting me an anniversay present. ;-)

One cool note is that I received one of, if not the, best compliments ever during a post tournament parent/coach party Saturday night. We were discussing male/female differences as will usually become a topic in a group situation. The other women and the men were talking about peacocks (the hosts' neighbor raises them) and how the males are the fancy ones and the females are the plain ones. I mentioned that it is that way in many bird species as well as other animals, and then I explained that human women miss that the human males have lost that trait of making big 'shows' to attract us. We like for men to whoo us and impress us and that it's not so important whether their 'show' is physical appearance or material possessions but more the amount of effort put into the 'show.' One of the guys said something like, "Damn, you're one of those smart types that'll talk you into liking it." The 'it' in question being very general. Well, that just tickled me pink. LOL I'm not used to people reading me so well like that. I'm usually the one who does all the 'reading'.

Amendment: I got to talk to my friend who was at the party to get the story's details straight since I might have forgotten some things for some reason. ;-) The missing details are that one of the guys said something about how it sucks that the men are stuck in the swamp while the women are off flying in the sky. (Well, biologically speaking I think he had that a bit backwards, but for the sake of the conversation it works out okay.) When he said that, I said, "Well, why do you think it's so great to have to be flying around all the time?" And that's when he said that I was the type that could talk you into liking the swamp. So the "it" above was actually the "swamp". Well, yeah, sure, I might could 'sell' you some swampland somewhere if you gave me a chance. ;-)

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Don't Fear The Reaper

Yesterday I had a root canal done. That tooth that was hurting last week ended up becoming abscessed. The pain wasn't as bad as last week, partly because the nerve was dead. Great. Lovely. Anyway, as I was driving to the dentist the Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" came on the radio. That got me thinking about how nervous I was. I began to consider how someone who was sentenced to death in the 'old' days might have felt as they made their way to the gallows or be-heading stump or whatever. Of course, I can't honestly compare a root canal to execution, but I can sort of compare the feelings of anxiety. It seems that one who was executed probably felt little pain as long as the executioner was skilled enough. I suppose that can be said about dentists too, but at least the executed didn't have to pay the executioner. (maybe in some places they did have to pay and that was part of the punishment, I don't know)

Anyway, I'm not feeling great today as the soreness seems to be increasing and trying to make my head ache. I just took a pain pill, Lorcet Plus, which apparently many people like to take just for kicks. Sorry, I just don't see the appeal there. All they do is make me sleepy. Addiction to pain pills isn't something I'll ever have to worry about.

While at the dentist's office I had a chat with his assistant about wisdom teeth (third molars). I was born without them. Some people are. Some people have anywhere from one to four. And there doesn't seem to be a very obvious genetic pattern to the presence or absence of third molars. Where's the wisdom in that? LOL, I'm joking, of course, because I realize that evolutionary changes like that are probably difficult define while you're in the middle of that process. It will only be after several generations that we might see a defined pattern. There are still many people out there trying to claim that wisdom teeth have nothing to do with evolution. That link is mostly about whether or not it's necessary to extract wisdom teeth, and it does not even mention that some people don't have them in the first place. I think that's a convenient omission for their argument. ;-)

Why do people still try to debate why our wisdom teeth are disappearing? They are, and it is obvious that they are no longer adaptive. While I'm a fan of asking 'why' about most things, I do think that sometimes the 'why' is less important than the 'how'. When we ask 'why' it's probably because we think we might want to intervene if we don't like the answer. ;-) But I don't think that physical processes are necessarily that vulnerable to our manipulations. Don't fear the reaper. When physical processes are in play there is usually an inevitable result even if the path is changed somewhat. No matter how good we live we're all going to die eventually.

One thing I do find a bit puzzling about human evolution is the apparent lack of human fossils. I don't really know that much about it, but I have watched lots of the Discovery Channel, etc. and read popular science magazines over the years. It seems that many conclusions about human evolution have come from studying the remains of teeth and jaw-bones. This has been a source of contention for both sides of the argument. However, I think that the anti-evolution arguments are weak and misunderstanding of science and evidence. But just for fun, let me throw out this little thought. Imagine that some asteroid or comet hits the earth and causes a mass extinction, including humans. Several millions of years pass and a new species of intelligent beings now live on the planet and are studying the fossils of us. What do you think they would decide if they found my fossilized jaw with no wisdom teeth next the David's fossilized jaw with wisdom teeth? They might decide that we were two completely different species! Perhaps one was more 'advanced' and the other was a 'slave' or 'pet' or some such thing? Pretty funny, eh?

What I'm trying to show with that silly example is that we are still learning and discovering the 'what' and the 'how' of life. And when we are in the midst of that we can't always see the big picture and the 'why'. I'm afraid the pain medicine is beginning to affect my thinking now because I'm losing my stream of consciousness. Anyway, don't fear the reaper. Don't fear the dentist. And don't fear the answers. And all of this comes from the empty places where my third molars would have been.

Oh, and Lubos has a great article about Evolution and String Theory. God love him!

Thank You Austin, TX

I just have to thank whoever in Austin, TX, translated my blog to 'jive' because it has given me a great laugh this morning just when I really needed it. I'll explain why later today.

If you're too busy to click the link above here is a funny excerpt from one of my recent posts:

I do mah best think'n in tha bathtub. I think it has ta do wit tha nigga W-H-to-tha-izzich is tha mizzy prevalent n vital substance on our planet. And tha F-to-tha-izzact thizzay we call our consciousness a "stream" is signifizzles coz it suggests that our consciousness is like hustla in tha way it behaves thats off tha hook yo. I like this metaphor. I like T-H-to-tha-izzat it implies our streams is only part of a wanna be gangsta network of sum-m sum-m in tha same way that drug deala streams, playa n oceans (as well as clouds, rain, fizzay etc.) is all tha result of wata's behavior on our planet like a motha fucka. Wizzle makes this a metaphor n not a real analogy is that we really dizzay kizzy how consciousness behaves otha thizzan wizzy parts of it we can study witin tha brain's activity and my money on my mind.

Funny isn't it?

Oh, and Happy Flag Day!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Tree of Life

(7-20-2006 For an update on the Tree of Life click here.)

As I mentioned a while back my lemon tree is blooming, and now there are these cute little 'baby' lemons on it:

And the blooms have attracted a wide range of insects, and I'm having fun with that.

Today I found a young praying mantis:

They are always welcome because they are great predators of not-so-welcome guests.

And I also was amused by this little guy:

He appears to be some kind of weevil, but I will call him a "'possum bug" because when he saw me he immediately jumped off the leave above and played dead where he landed. Yes, I must be that scary-looking! Hopefully, if he is still in the tree the mantis will show him exactly how to play dead. ;-)

I think lemons have gotten a bad rap. Sure, they are sour, but with a little sugar or other sweetness they are delicious in drinks and foods. And lemon oil is good for cleaning and deodorizing.

I got to thinking about the symbolism of lemons. We call a bad car a "lemon". Poor lemons! Why not call bad cars turnips? I hate turnips. I think that would be a much better name of a bad car or any other inferior thing.

I even found that there are songs about lemons. One very sad one written by Will Holt has been sung by many performers like Peter, Paul, and Mary:

When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me,
"Come here and take a lesson from the lovely lemon tree."
"Don't put your faith in love, my boy", my father said to me,
"I fear you'll find that love is like the lovely lemon tree."

Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.
Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

One day beneath the lemon tree, my love and I did lie
A girl so sweet that when she smiled the stars rose in the sky.
We passed that summer lost in love beneath the lemon tree
the music of her laughter hid my father's words from me:

Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.
Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

One day she left without a word. She took away the sun.
And in the dark she left behind, I knew what she had done.
She'd left me for another, it's a common tale but true.
A sadder man but wiser now I sing these words to you:

Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.
Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

And then Electric Light Orchestra's song "(Here We Go 'Round) The Lemon Tree" is a little less tragic:

There's a girl next door to me who's round the bend
But she wonders why she can't make any friends
From her garden she could see me
In her silver-clad bikini
Singing, dancing round her fruit tree

Here we go round the lemon tree
Mister, can't you hear me
Here we go round the lemon tree
Mister, don't come near me

Could I calm her down by throwing stones at her
If only I could make the right approach to her
Think I'd rather tame a tiger
Turn those lemons into cider
Still I'd like to get beside her


Three o'clock in the morning
I could her her toneless singing
I could smell her lemon perfume in the air
I walked up to the window
In the hope that I might see her
Could the deadly shade of night still bring her there


Morning came and into action went my plans
Went to meet her dressed in bright green underpants
I crept in and sang discreetly
Seemed to change her mind completely
Danced together singing sweetly



But the one I'm most familiar with is Led Zeppelin's "The Lemon Song" which is I'm pretty sure a cover of an old blues song:

Should have quit you, long time ago. (X2)
I wouldn't be here, my children, down on this killin' floor.

I should have listened, baby, to my second mind (X2)
Everytime I go away and leave you, darling, you send me the blues way down the line.

Said, people worry I can't keep you satisfied.
Let me tell you baby, you ain't nothin but a two-bit, no-good jive.

Went to sleep last night, worked as hard as I can,
Bring home my money, you take my money, give it to another man.
I should have quit you, baby, such a long time ago.
I wouldn't be here with all my troubles, down on this killing floor.

Squeeze me baby, till the juice runs down my leg. (X2)

The way you squeeze my lemon, I'm gonna fall right out of bed.

I'm gonna leave my children down on this killing floor.

"The way you squeeze my lemon, I'm gonna fall right out of bed." I've never been sure if that was a good thing or not. ;-)

So, as the old cliche goes, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"
(Regardless of how you get the juice...) *evil giggle* ;-}

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Drop of Consciousness

Apologies if I'm repeating myself, I just can't remember. ;-) For a very physical explanation of consciousness go here.

I do my best thinking in the bathtub. I think it has to do with the water, which is the most prevalent and vital substance on our planet. And the fact that we call our consciousness a "stream" is significant because it suggests that our consciousness is like water in the way it behaves. I like this metaphor. I like that it implies our streams are only part of a larger network of something in the same way that water streams, rivers, and oceans (as well as clouds, rain, fog, etc.) are all the result of water's behavior on our planet. What makes this a metaphor and not a real analogy is that we really don't know how consciousness behaves other than what parts of it we can study within the brain's activity.

I wrote a much longer bit about stream of consciousness, but because I've been feeling really stupid lately I decided to leave only a little drop of it here. The rest is still in the reservoir.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Odd Findings

A cool-looking egg casing that I'm having trouble identifying. It's really pretty and sparkly in the sunlight and has a hard, resinous texture, kind of like amber. It looks like a glob of dried bronze glitter glue. I clipped the branch of the tree where I found it. The sparkling caught my attention when I was picking black raspberries at the edge of the woods. I guess I'll keep it in a jar and see what it becomes.

Black widow spider update:

The first one I caught (from the lunchbox) has produced an egg sac. She must have mated before I caught her. Her belly had gotten very big (should have taken a photo), and this morning I found this:

I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to dispose of the spider and her progeny, but another part of me wants to let them live. As much as I've been presented with spider "medicine" in the last couple of years I feel like this might be some kind of a shamanic test. I wonder what happens if I fail it? Even more, I wonder what happens if I pass it.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Nothing Really Changes (welcome to my future)

Feeling crappy today and decided to look back at what was happening one year ago. Funny how fundamentally life never really changes. The earth moves through space, and the days and seasons pass regardless of what we small organisms do. We think life is all about us, but in fact, we are just borrowing it for a little while. Some might say we are destroying it or whatever, but they are deluded. Life goes on. It has survived more than we could ever do to it. We are not really any more significant than the ants that busy themselves beneath our feet.

Yes, I'm in a foul mood, and it is acerbated by my body's insistence on causing me discomfort- emotional and physical. Why is it the same tooth is aching in the exact same way as it did exactly one year ago? It's weird. Did my dentist implant a timer in it last year when he replaced the filling so that it would begin bothering me in exactly one year's time? Despite my inability to track my hormonal cycle by monthly blood loss (sorry if that's too graphic) it appears that my ovaries are still functioning on 'schedule'. Thank God for small things, right? Even when you feel like shit. Following is my account of one year ago. At least it is somewhat better this year, only by a small degree. Still, I find the similarities troublesome, disheartening, and ironic.

Wednesday, June 8, 2005
Subject: welcome to my future
Time: 7:18:00 PM EDT
Author: ramskates

God, what an awful day. My mouth still hurts bad and my cheek is bruised and sore. Took my dad to Red Lobster for his birthday this afternoon. Then the kids swam a while in his pool. We came home and I just wanted to take some pain medicine and relax a little. **** left her basket of stuff in the middle of the floor and *** tripped on it and hit his teeth on the bar. Luckily no tooth damage or anything, but scary still. But I just blew my top. I yelled, "If y'all wouldn't leave your fucking shit all over the floor things like this wouldn't happen!" *** started crying and locked herself in her room. I knocked on it and asked if I could come in. She said she didn't want me to spank her. I said I wasn't going to. She opened the door but hid behind it. How bad does it make a mother feel when her kid hides like that? Fucking horrible. That's how. I said, 'here let me hug you.' She just cried and cowered in the corner and said, "You're mean! You yelled at me!" I'm sure she was thinking, "I hate you." I just left. I'm not up to this shit right now. I muttered something about '**** hates me. I guess this is how it's going to be the next 13 years of my life.'

So now I've disappointed **** by yelling and being a human and not a super mom. She's always saying what I don't do. I don't play Barbies with her. I don't this. I don't that. Not like ******'s mom. All due respect, but, she only has one kid and she's hardly there with her because she works all the time. ******'s over here more than she's at home. If I'm so fucking bad then move in with ******'s mom. And see how you like it. Jesus. I'm not perfect. No one is. I'm tired of trying.

I've just about reached my threshold for enduring pain and discomfort. I'm at my breaking point here.

Jonathan Cainer seems to recognize this too.

Aquarius, June 9, 2006:

"On balance, you are slightly more annoyed about the things that just won't change than you are by the things that just won't stop changing. It is, though, a close run thing. You are bothered almost equally by both. You are not expecting a relaxed weekend. You may not have created or caused a tense situation but you appear to have walked right into the middle of one... and you can't see a way to back out. I, though, predict a lot more ease, success, and enjoyment than you now anticipate."

File Under WTF??

"Badcock will treat you right!"

(do not be afraid to click it, you will not be taken to porn)

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Hoe Hall of Fame: New Inductee

(make your own sign)

I am officially inducting Richard Feynman into the Hoe Hall of Fame. He joins the distinguished group which includes Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, and John F. Kennedy. Congratulations Richard Feynman!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Dead Celebrity Soul Mates

Try this fun quiz thingie from the Biography Channel.

Here were my three choices:

Edgar Allan Poe

My most humbling moment...
When my cousin and wife, the love of my life, Virginia, succumbed to tuberculosis. Oh, Virginia! A day naught goes by but I hear your sweet cry!

My greatest accomplishment...
There was this bird bothering me for some time, but I finally decided to write about it and ended up making a decent amount of money.

My ideal date would include...
After dinner slow and stately, as have been my dinners lately, we would sit and over coffee share our thoughts a little more. 'Til I'd note with fearful gasping, how your voice was gently rasping, rasping in a dusty tone, like Virginia long before. I'd have to see you... nevermore!

The celebrity I resemble most...
Harry Dean Stanton

If I could be anywhere at the moment...
At Virginia's graveside.

The book on my bedside table...
A collection of works by Edward Gorey and the first couple of volumes of the Lemony Snicket series.

The things I can't live without...
A novelty skull with a candle sticking out of the top (I forget who gave it to me); my cameo of Virginia

Fill in the blanks.
Madness is sexy...
melancholia is sexier.

In my home you will find...
An unusually new-looking brick wall, which you must never go near. A soft, moist spot on the floorboards, which you must keep covered by the rug at all times. A black cat, which you must feed regularly lest he torment you with the madness-inducing mews of hell. I call him Fluffertop.

Rudolf Valentino

My most humbling moment...
Being called effeminate by a cowardly anonymous journalist in a Chicago newspaper. Porca miseria! I will show him manly! He should box with me and feel my manliness strike him across the face!

My greatest accomplishment...
From nothing-- no fame, no money, no family in America when I moved to New York City at 18, no job-- I became the most famous sex symbol the movies had ever seen. And I did it without saying a word!

My ideal date would include...
Only the best and most romantic activities. I love to dance, so for me a date would not be perfect unless we were first able to join together and move as one with the music of passion. I would then enjoy reading to you some of my poetry while we listen to my recordings of romantic songs in English and Spanish.

The celebrity I resemble most...
He doesn't look like me, not so much, but I was the Brad Pitt of my day. I should have made "Troy!" It would have been much more believable.

If I could be anywhere at the moment...
In my house, with a devoted wife, beautiful children, and my adoring dogs. To the public, I am perhaps a bit of a rascal, but all I really crave is domestic bliss.

The book on my bedside table...
I find most books to be dull and lacking insight, which is why I write my own poems. In fact, I have published a book of poetry, "Day Dreams," which was a best seller. I like to read from it from time to time and think about romance... romance with you!

The things I can't live without...
Your love! Your adoration! The beauty of one such as you bringing light to my life every day! Also, exclamation points and forceful hand gestures.

Fill in the blanks.
A woman at rest is sexy...
A woman in motion is sexier.

In my home you will find...
My beautiful dogs, an Irish Wolfhound named Centaur Pendragon, and a Doberman Pinscher named Kabar.

Vincent Van Gogh

My most humbling moment...
The whole time I was painting regularly, I was only able to sell one canvas.

My greatest accomplishment...
One of my paintings, in today's dollars, is now worth over $116 million.

My ideal date would include...
First off, I promise I will not cut off anything while we're together. We could check out some galleries if you're interested. We could also watch a movie (anything but "Reservoir Dogs").

The celebrity I resemble most...
Jack Palance with red hair

If I could be anywhere at the moment...
In Arles, Bouches-du-Rhone, France. It's the perfect place for an art colony, if only I could convince other artists.

The book on my bedside table...
"The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat," by Oliver Sacks

The things I can't live without...
Brush, blade, canvas, my gauze-wrapped and dried up bit of ear

Fill in the blanks.
A young woman walking down the street is sexy...
The burning essence of living color all around us is sexier.

In my home you will find...
A lot of canvas, my paints, and some fresh sunflowers... sometimes they help cheer me up.

Oh, the choices!

Although I think Poe and I have much in common and our home would have a very interesting decor I think he's a little too hung up on that Virginia chick. I just can't compete with a ghost!

I was seriously fascinated by Valentino when I was a teenager and read much about him. From what I read I got the impression that he wasn't as great a lover in reality as on the silver screen. Poser!

In the past I've entertained the thought that if Van Gogh was a woman today he'd have been me, or very much like me. Except I'm not that good an artist! He's a little too moody. I need a stabilizing force, not someone who will have "Who's more depressed?" contests with me.

So, who would you choose for me??

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Tonight's Playlist

Downtime background music:

Spill the Wine by War

Dreamweaver by Gary Wright

What I Like About You by the Romantics

Set Adrift on Memory Bliss by PM Dawn

Being With You by Smokey Robinson

Feel Like Makin' Love by Bad Company

98.7 EARL FM Knoxville

"EARL" is 75% RAE backwards.

Even though this is one of those d.j.-less radio stations I've heard this guy doing some morning news on it. And he signs off saying, "This is David Earl Foulk." He must be pretty busy with the station now because he hasn't updated his blog for a while. No, I don't know him at all.

I'm a Sea Monster! lol

Take the quiz:
What mystical creature are you?

These creatures are smart and playful. They love the water and have beautiful voices. Some have been known to catch the careless wanderer. They have been spotted by sailers for many years, great sea creatures that have the tops of humans and the tails of fish. They are believed to be pure myth, but from every great myth there was a grain of truth.

Quizzes by -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

I really don't have a fish tail!

Day of the Vicious Momma, 6-6-06

Wow, am I mad! We are very open and generous with our home to our kids' friends. We let them come and play, eat, sleep over, make themselves at home. We like having an open home where friends are always welcome... until I am disrespected in any way. And today I demonstrated to one young man why this normally quiet, gentle, sweet lady is nick-named "Vicious Momma." Sparing details, I'll just say that he now understands that I do in fact possess certain 'super senses' that allow me to know what really goes on behind my back and that I will not tolerate any kind of disrespectful speech and action in my home. This young man will not be welcome in our home again. I hate to be that way. I'm usually very understanding and tolerant of typical kid behavior, and I've learned to forgive the normal ranges of 'negativity' in people. I think I've said it before somewhere (call me a fruitloop if you like but I know what I know), I'm a little bit like the Shadow who sees the darkness in men's hearts or something like that. Normally, I'm not too bothered by all that, but every so often I meet someone whose darkness is just a little too dark. I'm afraid this boy is one of them. I wonder if he has a particular birthmark? ;-)

Monday, June 05, 2006

The Omen 666

Okay, blogger is doing some crazy stuff right now so I don't know if I'm wasting my time trying to post this.

via Rainypete:

Tomorrow is 6-6-06 and the remake of The Omen movie opens. I saw the original 1976 version at the theater when I was eight. Of course, after watching it my sister and I searched each other for the 666 birthmark. I won't reveal the results of that search. ;-)

Sunday, June 04, 2006


Update, 1-28-2008: This is an old post and the search linked here no longer matches. But I do wonder what ever happened for that other Rae Ann. Did she answer "yes" and is she happy now?

Last night someone in Virginia Beach, Virginia, using Cox Communications has done the same search as someone in Rhode Island on May 30.

Some other chick named Rae Ann must be pretty popular!

(the main reason I find this remarkable is because my name is fairly uncommon, though it seems to be more common now than when I was younger)