Retrospection, 2006

So many things have happened this year, even if only in my mind ;-), that I can't possibly summarize it into a few paragraphs. It's just beyond my ability. So maybe I'll just pick and choose. ;-)

While thinking about 2006 the first thoughts were that it was the Year of Giving Until It Hurts. I know I've expressed this idea in other posts throughout the year, but I don't have time to go back and link them at the moment. I let myself feel the emotions of self sacrifice (and even some resentment) while recalling all the times I gave until it hurt. Then I was so overcome, to the point of tears, with the realization that I am so extremely Blessed in this life that the whole meaning of The Year of Giving Until It Hurts was transformed into something else, something Divine*. It wasn't only my giving. I've received so much that I have no right or privilege to complain about anything when it comes to my family life. And I am so very thankful for all of my Blessings. It is pleasantly humbling (like a "good hurt") to realize the magnitude of it.

So while I might feel like a doormat in some respects I also now know that I've got to be a really large, durable, and probably comforting doormat to be able to handle all the trampling of this past year. ;-) Perhaps I'm flirting with a Job kind of moment right now in that it's better to be thankful for all the good things in life instead of focusing on what was lost, taken away, or not given at all.

Oh, yeah, the Lemon Tree. For the ongoing lemon tree saga: critter updates, tree of life, tree of life update, waiting, and signs, etc.

I'm still waiting to squeeze those lemons. ;-) But the tree is blooming again! (sorry for the poor quality photo)



And this time there are at least four times as many flowers (many not visible in that photo). Since there are no bees or other bugs I don't know if there will be fruit from these blooms. If the tree self-pollinates maybe there will be. It apparently doesn't get enough light right now to fully ripen the fruit already on it. Well even so, I think I'll ring in the New Year with a glass of premature lemonade. What better way to celebrate this passing year and all of it's sweet and sour moments? After all, even though I hated the poster my college roommate hung on our wall I guess it convinced me anyway that when life gives you lemons, even half-ripe lemons, make the best of it and make lemonade!

So cheers to all and here's to celebrating and being thankful for 2006! And cheers to all and here's to a sweeter and less sour 2007!

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing. But we request of you, brethren, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction; and that you esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Live in peace with one another. We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks...

1 Thessalonians 5: 11-18
New American Standard version

And that is this year's final Sunday Sermonette. Happy New Year!


Retrospection, 2005


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* I'm truly sorry for those who cannot experience the Divine in that way. I think that part of the reason why some people refuse to acknowledge the Divine is because it is a kind of painful experience. It does hurt a little at first (just like some other things), but the feeling changes to a kind of rapture (just like some other things). Some people fear that initial pain so much that they won't even approach it. Well, as they say, what you don't know can't hurt you. But they also say, you never know until you try. Let me tell you, the more humble you are the less it hurts to be put in your place.

Signs, Omens, and Miracles

Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs
Fuckin' up the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?

Tesla version of "Signs" by the Five Man Electrical Band

A lemon turned into an orange. One of the fruits got damaged when I moved the tree inside due to below freezing temperatures. It turned orange, smells like an orange, and tastes like a very sour orange instead of a lemon.

(sorry for the low quality photo, I'm a little shaky today)

What does that mean? Is it a good sign, a bad omen, a miracle? Have I been fooled all along? I think I've just lost all grip I ever had on reality. Maybe it's withdrawal hallucinations. I think I need a fix, just one more... then, dear God of the Cute Kittens and Knowing My Limits, I'll quit. Just one more...

Waiting

Finally, a new tarot card!

And the timing of its creation is of course, perfect, in so many ways. ;-) That it has taken oh, how long (about a year and a half?), to get the inspiration for it would be enough to make its nature so appropriate, but it also fits well with the current environment in other realms of life. I'm not sure but maybe all art is that way. But, anyhow, like Tom Petty says, The Waiting really is the hardest part.

What does it mean, "waiting"? I think it's our most intensive experience of the duration, or passing, of time. We are rarely as aware of time as when we are anticipating something. Indeed, waiting is probably the reason we humans started counting time in the first place.

This card, the 7 of orbs (pentacles in traditional decks), generally depicts a farmer waiting for his crop to be ready for harvest. But I started with a picture of the lemon tree and highlighted 7 of its many still unripe lemons this late into the season. I'm still waiting for them to ripen so I can squeeze some lemons ;-), but I fear they will just wither on the tree. Wasted energy? Wasted hopes and disappointment? Waiting can really test our faith. We never really can know if our efforts will pay off in the future or if we've worked in vain. Sometimes the wait for results is longer than we are comfortable with and that makes us pessimistic that we'll get any results at all. It's all up in the air. When there is such uncertainty it is easy to begin to feel like your work is done whether or not you see any results. Maybe you already got some results (the journey and not a 'destination') that aren't so obvious. Sometimes the process is more important than the outcome. On the other hand, the uncertainty of waiting can make us and others question our methods and goals. Part of the Seven of Orbs tells us that only time will tell and that we should practice patience with ourselves and with others. We all are waiting for something, and ultimately we are not in control of the outcome. But we are in control of how we wait and how we react when our waiting is finally over.

Updates

RIP Momma Black Widow Spider: She died on 7-31-06. I think most of the babies have died too because they aren't moving at all, but I have seen one moving this morning.

Lemon Tree: The lemons are still growing great and have tripled in size since the last update. They love this excessive heat and humidity. I can't wait for the lemonade! The weird combination of spider webs has been abandoned. Maybe Praying Mantis ate the spider? But while I was in NC the tree got blown over in a big storm. I haven't seen Praying Mantis since then.

School: The first day of school is Aug. 11. What is the logic of starting the school year with a half day on a Friday? It must be the same logic that made the last day of last school year a half day on a Monday.

Tree of Life Update

Since the Tree of Life post has been particularly popular I thought I should do an update. This lemon tree is still full of life that is growing and changing.

See all the baby lemons:




And here is the biggest one I've found. It is about 2 cm long:




I haven't seen "possum bug" again so I think it is safe to assume that Praying Mantis did show him exactly how to play dead. And Praying Mantis has doubled in size:



A new development is this strange combination of spider webs. The one to the lower right of center is an orb weaver's design and the other at the upper center is a cobweb weaver's design. As far as I know spiders are an either-or weaver, meaning that they either weave round, orderly webs or they weave messy, unstructured cobwebs but not both. Okay, I just looked it up and there are four kinds of web-building spiders (orb, funnel, cobweb, and cellar). I could be wrong, but yesterday I saw Praying Mantis munching on what looked like a spider. Maybe he ate one and the other 'squatted' the webs. The small spider in the picture looks like an immature orb weaver type, but it seems to be staying in the cobweb. I'll keep watching it to see what happens. You can also see the long thorns on the lemon tree:



And just this past weekend I bought a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade, so now my appetite for it is whetted. I can't wait until those lemons are ripe!

I think I need to hear "The Lemon Song."

The way you squeeze my lemon...



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Oh, and my turnip (car) seems to have evolved into a fine lemon, which is a good thing. ;-) No more problems, and I must thank Carmax for going above and beyond to make things right.

Interesting Numbers

I just found that my blackberry jelly picture has been featured at the gallery of We Feel Fine by Jonathan Harris and Sepandar Kamvar. This is a fascinating site that sort of catalogs expressions of emotion in the blogosphere. They have created a system of "Movements" which reflect trends in emotional expression like "Mob" and "Murmurs" (only 2 or the 6 Movements). The data is collected and sorted by an autonomous system with no human involvement at all. I find some of their statistical findings very interesting:

4,003,906 TOTAL FEELINGS COLLECTED

937,753 TOTAL UNIQUE PEOPLE

185,664 FEELINGS from 243,873 UNIQUE WOMEN

267,977 FEELINGS from 107,696 UNIQUE MEN

These numbers are as of about 11 am Eastern. These numbers surprise me, but I'm not sure if I'm just looking at them wrong. Unfortunately, I've been unsuccessful at opening the main part of the site. Any interpretations of this data are welcome.



Unrelated but a trend I've noticed in the last week or so is that my Tree of Life post has been getting lots of traffic from all over the world, and about half of the hits are from "unknown" referrals, meaning that a search engine or other link from a website wasn't used to find it. The other half have been referrals from searches for songs about lemons. I find it odd and interesting when something that has been on my mind is also on the minds of other people somewhere else in the world. It's neat. There is still a steady stream of visitors to my Mary Winkler posts, but that does not seem too significant because that is a big news story unlike lemon trees.

A Turnip? (but I'm kind of smart sometimes anyway)

Well, it might be that my new car is a turnip, not a lemon. ;-) We've had to take it back to Carmax yet again (third or fourth time, I've lost count) because it keeps dying. If I don't drive it one day then the next it is completely dead. They already replaced the battery so we know that isn't the problem. Well, when I dropped it off this morning I asked them if these new cars still have alternators because my old 1978 Firebird (which is very Redneck-style sitting in the garage with the engine pulled out for rebuilding) used to have alternator problems that exhibited the exact same symptoms. The guy at the service counter, who knows me pretty well by now and is probably sick seeing my face in there, said that they do in fact still have alternators and noted that on his papers. The reason I wasn't sure if new cars have alternators is because I do know that most new cars no longer have carburetors, but have fuel injectors instead. I just wasn't sure if the electrical components had experienced a similar evolution as the fuel components.

Anyway, I just received a call from Carmax telling me that they think they have found the problem, a bad diode in the alternator. LOL! Not too bad for a dumb woman, eh? Actually, Carmax has been very good to deal with, and I have never felt discriminated against as I have at every other car dealership I've dealt with. Even though it is past the 30 warranty they aren't charging us for this repair because it has been an ongoing problem. I like the way they do business because they really seem to care about not pissing off customers. Some car dealerships only care about selling a car and not at all about what happens afterwards. Although we've had all these problems with the car from Carmax we will probably do business with them again just because they stand behind their promises, and even beyond.

Tree of Life

(7-20-2006 For an update on the Tree of Life click here.)


As I mentioned a while back my lemon tree is blooming, and now there are these cute little 'baby' lemons on it:



And the blooms have attracted a wide range of insects, and I'm having fun with that.

Today I found a young praying mantis:



They are always welcome because they are great predators of not-so-welcome guests.

And I also was amused by this little guy:



He appears to be some kind of weevil, but I will call him a "'possum bug" because when he saw me he immediately jumped off the leave above and played dead where he landed. Yes, I must be that scary-looking! Hopefully, if he is still in the tree the mantis will show him exactly how to play dead. ;-)

I think lemons have gotten a bad rap. Sure, they are sour, but with a little sugar or other sweetness they are delicious in drinks and foods. And lemon oil is good for cleaning and deodorizing.

I got to thinking about the symbolism of lemons. We call a bad car a "lemon". Poor lemons! Why not call bad cars turnips? I hate turnips. I think that would be a much better name of a bad car or any other inferior thing.

I even found that there are songs about lemons. One very sad one written by Will Holt has been sung by many performers like Peter, Paul, and Mary:

When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me,
"Come here and take a lesson from the lovely lemon tree."
"Don't put your faith in love, my boy", my father said to me,
"I fear you'll find that love is like the lovely lemon tree."

Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.
Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

One day beneath the lemon tree, my love and I did lie
A girl so sweet that when she smiled the stars rose in the sky.
We passed that summer lost in love beneath the lemon tree
the music of her laughter hid my father's words from me:

Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.
Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

One day she left without a word. She took away the sun.
And in the dark she left behind, I knew what she had done.
She'd left me for another, it's a common tale but true.
A sadder man but wiser now I sing these words to you:

Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.
Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

And then Electric Light Orchestra's song "(Here We Go 'Round) The Lemon Tree" is a little less tragic:

There's a girl next door to me who's round the bend
But she wonders why she can't make any friends
From her garden she could see me
In her silver-clad bikini
Singing, dancing round her fruit tree

Here we go round the lemon tree
Mister, can't you hear me
Here we go round the lemon tree
Mister, don't come near me

Could I calm her down by throwing stones at her
If only I could make the right approach to her
Think I'd rather tame a tiger
Turn those lemons into cider
Still I'd like to get beside her

CHORUS

Three o'clock in the morning
I could her her toneless singing
I could smell her lemon perfume in the air
I walked up to the window
In the hope that I might see her
Could the deadly shade of night still bring her there

CHORUS

Morning came and into action went my plans
Went to meet her dressed in bright green underpants
I crept in and sang discreetly
Seemed to change her mind completely
Danced together singing sweetly

CHORUS

CHORUS

But the one I'm most familiar with is Led Zeppelin's "The Lemon Song" which is I'm pretty sure a cover of an old blues song:

Should have quit you, long time ago. (X2)
I wouldn't be here, my children, down on this killin' floor.

I should have listened, baby, to my second mind (X2)
Everytime I go away and leave you, darling, you send me the blues way down the line.

Said, people worry I can't keep you satisfied.
Let me tell you baby, you ain't nothin but a two-bit, no-good jive.

Went to sleep last night, worked as hard as I can,
Bring home my money, you take my money, give it to another man.
I should have quit you, baby, such a long time ago.
I wouldn't be here with all my troubles, down on this killing floor.

Squeeze me baby, till the juice runs down my leg. (X2)

The way you squeeze my lemon, I'm gonna fall right out of bed.

I'm gonna leave my children down on this killing floor.

"The way you squeeze my lemon, I'm gonna fall right out of bed." I've never been sure if that was a good thing or not. ;-)

So, as the old cliche goes, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"
(Regardless of how you get the juice...) *evil giggle* ;-}

Critter Updates

Other than the spider in the previous post there has been lots of other critter activity around here this past week.

We've been adopted by a stray dog:

It (the brown one) is a 'weinie dog' or something. It has a hurt front leg, but I swear, why me? Why us? (This is the Chinese Year of the Dog, though.) Jewel, the white and black one, seems to like the company. It acts like it's found it home, but I'll have to look around for "lost dog" signs to try to find its real home.



Jewel has found a turkey nest. First she brought us a dead chick, and then she brought a live one that I've rescued. I think it thinks I'm its mother now because I've fed it worms and grubs and taken care of its slight injuries. Every time it sees me it starts chirping so cute.

I've named it Chirp-chirp. This is probably not going to end well because if I release it Jewel will probably catch it again, and if I keep it too long it will probably become too tame. I've instructed the kids not to pick up the bird and play with it. Thoughts of the bird flu have not escaped me even though it is very unlikely to be an issue. Btw, in shamanism turkeys generally represent "give-away" or generosity and blessings.


I haven't seen Clyde the frog in a long time. I suppose he moved on to a more suitable female, but he was appreciated while he was here. I've heard frogs croaking in the distance and wondered if one of them was Clyde.


David ran over a black snake the other day. He thought it was just a stick in the road. He brought it to the house so the kids and I could see it. I don't know if it died. He put it out in the woods, but when we looked later it was gone. It could have been the one I saw last Sunday, but it looked smaller.


Not a critter but exciting for me anyway:

The first ever bloom on my lemon tree. And man, does it smell wonderful! When my dad first gave it to me a few years ago it was just a little stick in a pot of dirt. But now it is over 6 feet tall and mature enough to bloom. We will probably have lemons later this summer (I hope so!) because there are bunches of buds getting ready to open. My dad has had some fruit-bearing lemon trees for several years now.


UPDATE(1:00 am Mon.): I couldn't sleep for thinking that I've misidentified 'Chirp-chirp' as a turkey when he/she is probably just a chicken. There are lots of wild turkeys around here, as well as grouse which Jewel has killed before. I assumed that this was a turkey because of that and because its feathers have the exact same coloring and patterning as turkey feathers. But my father-in-law saw it and said he thought it was a chicken because it looks like some that our neighbor has. Uh-oh, I see a neighbor feud on the horizon if our dog has been killing/stealing his chickens...

David found that snake dead down by the driveway. Jewel probably killed it too.

I found two more black widows today and put them in the same jar. I'm watching to see if they attack each other or fight over food. My god, that's cruel, isn't it?! But as far as I know spider-fighting isn't illegal like cock-fighting is. Besides, I'm not taking or making any bets about it.