Social media is just overflowing with ridiculous psychobabble and terrible relationship advice. No wonder everybody is miserable, sad, lonely, confused. You have one side telling everyone to ghost anyone whose basic human imperfections and/or needs make them feel inconvenienced or uncomfortable because they are the toxic personality-disorder-of-the-week and it's purely "self-care" to block them from your life. Okay, as if any of us is perfect. Then on another side you have people pretending to be clairvoyants and empaths and whatnot who keep telling everyone that the person that ghosted them is coming back changed and ready to be perfect, just have patience and don't reach out to them first. Wow. Feeding delusions is not helpful. I'm struck by the numbers of people who are feeling stuck in situations where there isn't any communication. Well, humans developed language for a reason, you know. We all do better when we actually talk to each other, even when we are fearful of the reactions.
I think I've changed my mind about TikTok. Previously I doubted its danger and thought the government dummies just didn't want people to be able to share information on an app that wasn't under their influence. I still do think that's part of the issue, but after it was briefly "banned" and came back I realized another problem that I'd kind of considered but hadn't really thoroughly examined. TikTok does censor language and people create code words for topics that seem to be sensitive to being censored. I've noticed a lot of these topics are somewhat fantastical like UAPs and other phenomena. It's frustrating to see a wave of videos of people who are claiming to see things that are obviously not what they are thinking they are just because they either never looked at the night sky before and don't know what's normal or they just want to jump on the trend regardless of reality.
The secret and valuable TikTok algorithm seems to be made to create these psychosocial contagions. Things become viral and that is the actual goal of most TikToks because so many content creators are getting paid for views, likes, shares, and so on. Of course, there are people like me who just post occasionally without really aiming for widespread viewing. But the structure of TikTok with its pay-out to creators who are part of the creator fund and with big enough audiences is based on getting as many views as possible. And big creators make a whole lot of money with their content. It is a contagion in that trends spread quickly. Many of the viral topics tend to be factually inaccurate, socially inflammatory (rage-bait), etc., but there is a also more benign entertainment.
Anyway, no wonder everybody is confused and lonely. Social media at its best brings us together but unfortunately most of what's put out there is either unfiltered nonsense or overly filtered illusions that are so far from reality that no one knows what's actually real. There's a lot of psychobabble pushed by people who don't really know what they're talking about but might sound confident and believable. On one hand you have people pushing others to cut off everyone who makes them a little uncomfortable and calling it "peace" or "self care" or whatever other code word of the week. Instead of communicating and clearing up confusion or misunderstandings it's so much easier to just ghost people, go no-contact and pretend that they aren't any more than an actor in some internet drama class. Just as long at it makes you feel better and feel like you're winning some imaginary game then go on and be that way. But we are all people with feelings and needs and hopes and fears and none of us is perfect. All we really hope for is a connection that doesn't leave us feeling like a burden or bother. I come from the generation that was brought up on "go for it" and "no pain, no gain" and "just do it" so my natural inclination is to act, but this is met these days as being too much, or being aggressive, or insensitive, or whatever. I struggle with feeling pushy and intrusive and annoying. But sometimes I go quiet and hope people aren't assuming I'm uninterested.
Add to the generational differences the way I grew up we never had instantaneous communication like with texting and social media. We had to wait hours or days or even weeks to hear from people. If something was urgent then we made phone calls or went to physically visit in person. We actually wrote real letters and mailed them in the old fashioned stamped envelopes and sometimes we never got a reply but it didn't necessarily mean the relationship/friendship was over. Some people just didn't write letters. So I get so confused these days with people who get in a twist over how long it takes to get a text back, but I also find myself falling into that trap of expecting quicker responses. I've never been that good at social cues and hints. Don't expect me to get hints - not because I'm dumb but because I overthink everything and consider every possible interpretation of a vague, or late, message. But I don't like to make assumptions based on too little information. Just give me all the facts, and then I can know what the hell is going on. Text messages are so empty of the rich texture of a spoken conversation in person. How are people really judging entire relationships based on text habits? I mean, god, just be real people.
This is the social contagion that is killing relationships - romantic and platonic and familial. The ones who push the ideas of "let them" and "if they wanted to they would" are only telling half the story. Sure, if someone doesn't want to be your friend or doesn't interact enough, then "let them" be what they are, but maybe make sure you're not just being an impatient prick before discarding people who just might be busy working or overwhelmed with stuff and not able to text you all day every day. Maybe they really do "want to" but there are things that are preventing or delaying them. On the other hand, people do need to make more effort to inform others of what's happening that might be interfering with communication. Don't assume people aren't impatient pricks who will cut you off when you're not giving them enough information to know that the connection is valuable.
It seems like there are a lot of unspoken rules that we are just expected to know without anyone actually spelling them out. I hate that. Back when I was in school I always did really well on the yearly achievement tests except for the parts of the reading comprehension sections that asked us to infer meanings from short passages and stories. The answer choices were so confusing because it was possible to make any of them fit when you overthink everything and consider all the possibilities. The teacher would say "just pick the most likely" and I'd be like "there's not enough information to make that determination." I needed more information. Or the test authors needed to make the answers less vague. Don't teach kids to make assumptions. Assumptions are not good bases for decisions and good interpersonal relations.
Well, I'm just blowing off steam and trying to make sense of this world that is giving so many mixed messages and expectations. I don't know if I'm too much or too little or too messy or what. So my advice to the world is to use your words. Speak and listen. Be patient and don't have so many expectations. Be slow to cut people off. Value yourself and your time and attention but don't overly inflate it so that no one can measure up. Don't fall for the psychosocial contagions that sicken relationships.
