I'm not sure that word is allowed here but I don't care really.
It's just a yucky Monday and I feel stupid. Not the fuck-around-and-find-out kind of stupid (might be more fun) but the everything-I-think-is-fucked-up kind of stupid.
The other night I was taking a bath and I noticed my phone's little red camera light was on even though I wasn't using the camera. I didn't have any apps open. Did someone hack my phone camera? Is that really actually possible? Lord help them if they did because they surely got traumatized by what they might have seen. Aging isn't kind to bodies. I'm trying not to think about it too much but the thoughts of people laughing and making fun of this random old lady in the most private moments make me sad and embarrassed. Embarrassment is actually fairly rare for me anymore. I've lived long enough to be mostly unbothered by other people's opinions, but I'm not sure we ever outgrow the hurt of being purposely actively bullied. It was probably nothing anyway. (Ignorance is bliss.)
There are ideas about the universe that fuck me up too. Like quantum entanglement. Meh. What's the point of that? I mean, if we want to be entangled then just fucking tangle in the real tangible world. Mind fucks are okay for a while but the time we have in the actual physical existence is really short so stop it with the mind fucks and get on with the actual fucks before it's too late. Yeah, I'm saying fuck around and find out. Maybe that's the real meaning of life lol. (Actually, it probably is the real meaning of life. We don't learn anything or get anywhere without action.)
Yeah lord, I'm in some kind of weird mood. Haven't been to church in three weeks. (Been out of town.) But I'm sorry to say that not even church has succeeded in stopping the mind fuckery. I have no mental discipline. Plus I think I'm just tired of all the work of trying to stop the mind fuckery.
That's just a small bit of the mental orgy of nonsense that's fucking up my mind today.
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