That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
Losing My Religion by REM
Continuing with some Bible study the next chapter I've been meditating on is James 5. The beginning of the chapter is a spiritual warning to the wealthy oppressors who have exploited everyone so that they could live lavishly. Many people today seem to believe that is a modern problem but it has existed from the beginning of civilization. Then James 5 goes on to encourage people to be patient and kind with each other through their suffering because the time of judgment will come:
7 Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. 8 You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. 9 Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!
Believers are then called to gather in prayer in order to share blessings, sorrows, and other concerns so that the power of prayer can heal them:
13 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
We are told to confess our sins to one another so that we can be healed and forgiven. That is hard for me because I want to hide my shame and don't want others to think less of me. Sometimes spiritual obedience has been a sore spot for me. While I'm usually a pretty good rule follower and try to do the right and correct things most of the time I am not perfect and give into tempting thoughts. I don't like to admit that.
I'm choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this, consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this, the slip
That brought me to my knees, failed
What if all these fantasies come flailing around?
Now I've said too much
In my mind I have committed a multitude of sins and I find myself choosing my confessions as if any are less sinful. The Ten Commandments are mostly about actions we should and should not do to be free of sin, but that last one about coveting covers all the sins of thought. And really, coveting seems like the motivation of most of the other action sins (murder, theft, adultery, lying, idolatry). When we want what isn't ours we are tempted to do those things to have our way.
Choosing my confessions. Well, maybe I'm not ready to reveal my worst even with the promise of forgiveness and healing. The hint of the century, the slip that brings me to my knees. Lord, help me, I'm not lost but I am longing for a path that isn't mine.
19 My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, 20 remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
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