Dear Mom,

Happy Birthday. You would have turned 64 today if you were still counting years. It's hard to believe that it's been ten years since your last real birthday. But then so much has happened that it sometimes seems longer than that. How I wish you could see your only granddaughter. She's like some kind of angel, the most beautiful girl you can imagine. I know that you had the biggest hand in that. She is everything I ever wished I could be. Thank you.

And I know you have a hand in the freaky shit that happens, like right now this song just came on the radio:

"One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say

Thanks for that too.

But back to your grandchildren. The six year old, he is an adorable Wild Boy, but in the best ways. And he's so imaginative. He'll probably be a writer or a horror movie-maker. He loves going to kindergarten and is disappointed when the weekend comes.

You wouldn't believe how much the baby you knew briefly has grown up. He's almost 11 but thinks he's 30. To be fair, he's probably smarter than many 30 year olds, but emotionally he's more like 14 or 15. Some kids really do mature sooner these days. He's got (early) Beatles hair which is the current, popular style for boys, and it looks cute on him and you'd like it, I think. Within a year he'll be taller than me.

Rhonda is still the pretty one, and our difference in that regard seems to increase each year. I don't think I'm the smart one anymore. I'm not sure what I am. And sometimes I'm glad that you don't have to see how life has left its marks on me over these ten years. In some ways it is scar tissue that holds me together, so I must be thankful that it is there, whatever form it takes. You always said, "Beggars can't be choosers."

I miss you so much. I hope that Heaven is everything you hoped for, and more.

Love,
Rae Ann