Sunday, November 12, 2006

Because I'm Worth It

(I used to work for L'Oreal, by the way, in my pre-vicious momma life.)

There is a price for availability. Nothing is free. I've said this before, I think. As you might have noticed in the last post, Vicious Momma has a new rule. "No free rides- ass, grass, or gas." (that order is negotiable ;-) ) I've realized that I do an awful lot of things for "free" that many people get paid, often large sums, to do. So, I'm taking some advice from someone and raising my price. If there is a long line (and there is actually) then the price is too low. That is the principle upon which this advice was given. Well, hell, let's try it out and see if it works.

Anyway, I've been moping around lately needing some motherly nurturing. I need to go see my "hired mom" (counselor). I pay her $80 (thereabouts) to be motherly for 50 minutes. She gives support and good advice, just like my mom used to do. For whatever reasons (actually, the cost was one consideration because almost a thousand bucks a year is a lot of money) I haven't been maintaining my monthly appointments with her for probably most of this year, and I'm suffering for that.

She frequently has told me that I am worth more than I expect and she has wondered why I don't value myself more. Well, there's neither the time nor space to explain all of that right now. ;-) One day I surprised her. Our session was much more intense than usual because I finally lifted a different part of my mask and showed her a new mess underneath. She had no idea I hid such a chaotic wreckage of guilt and conflict. I hide it well sometimes, even when I'm supposed to be showing it. See, the fear is that even someone paid to look would be so annoyed, disturbed, horrified, bored, uninterested or whatever that they "quit" me. Actually, I think the fear of abandonment is the primary root of all insecurities and problems. Not sure who said that first. Maybe I'll look it up later.

In thinking about what today's sermonette would cover I decided to consult the great oracle box: the TV. Since I like to think that I'm 'attuned' to the underlying currents I thought I'd check and see what the TV preachers were talking about today. Well, wouldn't you know it? The first sermon I found was about value and self worth and all of that. Coincidence, you say? Heh, whatever.

I'm in a bit of a hurry today so I didn't listen too long to the sermon because I got the confirmation that I needed pretty quickly. And don't we all love when that happens? I sure do!

Anyway, this preacher was talking about how if we don't value ourselves then we are not valuing God. By hating or rejecting ourselves we are hating and rejecting God and all the things He has done for us. I missed the scriptures he used to back up his statements, but I've listened to this guy before and he's pretty good so I trust that he's not just blowing smoke. His basic point was that if God didn't value us then we wouldn't have all of this (life, the world, and so), and so in order to please God we should value ourselves, each other, and the world.

That jealous God of the Old Testament just wanted to be appreciated and recognized. Much like anyone else who does so much for "free." In trying to get man's attention he did many things, most notably, sending his Son to die for man's salvation. "For God so loved the world..." (John 3:16) In God's efforts to show us how much he values us he also realized that we humans tend not to value those things that are free. So he set one condition, or price, for our salvation. No more free rides, He said. You see, even God doesn't give free rides, so why should I? Indeed, there is a price for all of life. And if we don't value ourselves, no one else will.

I think I have an appointment to make soon... And that's today's Sunday Sermonette.

Afterthought: Like Stephen Hawking, I know the mind of God. And let me tell you, it's very interesting but only in finite portions. ;-)

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