Friday, September 29, 2006

Big News


















make your own

Mae West Quote for Today:

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Testimonials

So many satisfied users!


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--Pam Taylor


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Get your own testimonials. Found at tayster's.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Brain's Gone Bad

This is the humorous way for my husband to describe when I'm not functioning at my usual level. Two out of three kids with confirmed strep throat, and now my throat is sore. This week isn't looking to be real good. Feel free to argue amongst yourselves...

Here are some possible topics:

Bill Clinton is a liar and will always be a liar and now he's a liar and a bully too.

The economy is great.

Paris Hilton and Angelina Jolie are the biggest skanks ever.

McDonald's has the best fast food fries.

Health Insurance companies are the spawn of the Devil and should be abolished.

It's becoming more and more of an advantage to be an illegal alien than a citizen of the USA. Where do I turn in my citizenship?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Distribution of Life

According to NASA (green to yellow=more, blue=less):





'Design' your own.

The feeling remains even after the glitter fades...

(title from the song, "After the Glitter Fades" by Stevie Nicks)




"the beauty of my youth is gone but the chemicals remain" Nelly Furtado, "Trynna Finda Way"

Friday, September 22, 2006

New Terrorist Threat Discovered

From a friend in high places:

Math Teacher Arrested

NEW YORK--A public-school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.' "

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Dear Hugo Chavez,

If you think that George Bush is the Devil, you ain't seen nothing yet. You are a stupid idiot to come to America and disrespect our President in such a nasty way. And then you have the nerve to go to Harlem and promise free oil to poor people. Your communist tricks will only work on poor people. Communist tricks only ever work on poor, usually kind of lazy and not-too-smart people, as you well know. You can take your communist oil and give yourself an enema with it. Yeah, that's exactly what you need. Some Venezuelan Colonics! And you better hope that your path and mine never cross. There's no way in Hell that you'll be getting a ride in my Corvette. And it don't run on Venezuelan oil. I promise you that.

And really, how stupid can you be? When America buys half your oil you don't go abusing it. You need some serious lessons on how business really works.* We need to cut you off. Maybe we should do as the radical Muslims that you are courting. It probably wouldn't take a whole lot of convincing to get a large group of bar-room Rednecks riled up enough to go burning up all your Citgo stations. But, we're not radical Muslims and don't do that kind of thing. (And I won't be held responsible if anyone actually does that. I'm definitely not organizing any criminal activity. I'm just saying how easy it would be.) My advice to you is to shut up and go to your own country as soon as possible.

My advice to my fellow Americans is to stop buying Venezuelan oil no matter how much it might cost. It's time to put our money where our mouths are. And I don't think that you, Hugo, and that crazy Iranian will be able to bully us around about oil if we all stand together. You might be able to buy some poor people in Harlem (and CNN), but you won't buy me with your oil.

One last thing: FUTUE TE ET IPSUM CABALLUM!! (no, it's not Spanish, and you can look it up)

Most seriously and sincerely,

Vicious Momma (to you- you don't get to call me by my real name)

*You use the drug dealer's approach to business with your oil. Give a free sample and get the poor people hooked so you can manipulate and control them. That is all communism is at its core.... opium for the masses. Yeah, that's right, I'm telling you that Marx was wrong about religion. He was ultimately describing his own ideas.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Dear Pope Benedict XVI,

I'm not sure of the proper way to address your Excellency or whatever. ;-) Please forgive my American informality. With all due respect I admire your intelligence, reason, faith, and diplomacy. If I may, I'd like to make you an unusual offer. In light of the recent controversy over your words about the nature of Islam and the resulting confirmation of your statements, I'd like to provide you with an opportunity to express how you really feel about the death threats and other nonsense in a personal and private way.

Sometimes it's necessary to express our displeasure through some form of empathic projection or other therapy. I realize that you have a real close relationship with God and that He sustains you in all the ways you need, but I think God would not be too upset with you if you joined me for a little joyride. Sometimes when I'm feeling put-upon I'll get in my (red) Corvette convertible and drive around playing some loud music. This is a "safe" way to express the thoughts and feelings I have that I can't otherwise fully express in good conscience.

What in particular I have in mind is that we could listen to "Ridin" by Chamillionaire and sing along but change some of the words if you'd like. The first part is okay as is (actually it's the best part):

They see me rollin'
They hatin'
Patrollin'
And tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
My music so loud;
I'm swangin'
They hopin'
That they gon' catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty


Well, don't you agree that it fits with your situation? Those crazy Jihadists love to try to catch you ridin' dirty (criticizing Islam). In this next part you can think of the "police" and "law" as the Jihadists, and you can think of all the other stuff as just 'fluff' that makes you feel like a badass, kind of like all the papal vestments and all that. ;-) The parts that I've made bold type are parts that I think you'd really appreciate.

Police think they can see me lean;
I'm tint so it ain't easy to be seen.
They see me ride by, they can see the glean
And my shine on the deck and the TV screen.
Ride with a new chick, she like "Hold up."
Next to the Playstation controlla;
well have a full clip, in my pistolla
that I'm a send a jacker into a coma.
Girl, you ain't know, I'm crazy like Krayzie Bone;
Just tryin' to bone, ain't tryin' to have no babies.
Ride clean as hell so I pull in ladies.
Law's on patrol; you know they hate me.
Music turned all the way up and to the maximum;
I can speak for some niggas tryin' to jack for some.
But we packin' somethin' that we have
And, um, will have a nigga locked up in the maximum
Security cell. I'm grippin' oak.
Music loud and the tippin' slow.
Twins steady twistin' like hit this dough;
Police pull up from behind and I'm sittin low.
Windows down, gotta stop pollution.
CDs change; niggas like "Who is that producin'?"
This the Play-N-Skillz when we out and cruisin'
Got warrants in every city except Houston
But I still ain't losin'.


But really, the content of the verses is kind of hard to understand, and it might be better if you didn't understand them anyway. ;-) But the chorus is great and sounds really good in my car. The point is to allow yourself to temporarily feel the indignation and redirect it through the music and the wind blowing past you. It will make you feel better. I call it Corvette Therapy. :-) (for a preview, click here)

And I totally respect your oath of celibacy and all those other concerns. You do not need to worry about being in a fast sports car with a hot-blooded American woman. I promise I won't put a move on you or anything. You'll be perfectly safe. (you're a little 'mature' for me anyway) ;-)

So just think about it and let me know if you think you'd like to try it. I might even let you drive a little, which is a huge thing because I don't let anybody (except grudgingly my husband sometimes) drive my Corvette. But if you can't trust the Pope then who can you trust? Do you know how to drive? It's an automatic so it's easy, but don't let that make you think it's not powerful and quick and very responsive. It is. Very.

I'd be most pleased to be able to fulfill this offer. Thanks. And stay tough and hang in there.

Most respectfully and sincerely,

Rae Ann (a.k.a. Vicious Momma)


PS If you like "Ridin'" you might like Snoop Dogg's "Drop It Like It's Hot" too.

PPS Just last night I heard Weird Al's parody of "Ridin'" ("White and Nerdy"). Visit Weird Al's MySpace Page to hear it. It's hilarious!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Best Chick Flicks Ever

I just watched Kill Bill Vol. One the other night. And I have to say that it is my kind of 'chick flick', maybe even the best chick flick ever. I have no use for the typical 'chick flicks' because real life is emotional and challenging enough that I don't need to get caught up in some sappy shit in a movie. If I'm going to watch a fantasy about how to deal with life's problems it's a better investment in my time to watch something completely fantastic and outrageous like the Kill Bill movies. I had seen Kill Bill 2 when it came out and liked it a lot, and I just watched it again. While I really like both movies quite a lot, I think I do like Vol. 1 better.

My favorite scene in Vol. 1 is the boardroom scene when O-Ren Ishii (Lucy Liu) assumes her position as the top boss of the Tokyo underworld (mafia). One of the older male under-bosses (Tanaka) is openly and strongly resentful that she is not 'pure' Japanese but is part Chinese and part American (and a woman). After allowing him to express his disrespect and dissatisfaction O-Ren demonstrates her position:



O-Ren Ishii: [after she cuts off Tanaka's head, in Japanese] So you all will know how serious I am, I shall say this in English.

O-Ren Ishii: [in English] As your leader, I encourage you from time to time, and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced that a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you, and I promise you right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is I collect your fucking head.

Just like this fucker here. [holds up Tanaka's head]

Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fucking time!
[pause and silence]

O-Ren Ishii: I didn't think so.

O-Ren Ishii: [calmly, in Japanese] Gentlemen, this meeting is adjourned.



Where can I get me one of those personal armies of assassins? ;-) Seriously though, what I especially love about these Kill Bill movies is that the main character (The Bride) is what could be described as the Ultimate Vicious Momma. The revenge she sought throughout the two films was primarily motivated by her Maternal Instincts. Sure, there were some other 'minor' revenges along the way (like with rapist "Buck") that were purely personal and not related to the loss of her daughter. But the big list is all for taking away her daughter, even more so than their trying to kill her. If she'd been through the experience but had never been pregnant she might have still felt compelled to take revenge, but she wouldn't have had the same strength of purpose to actually succeed.

Another aspect of the characters that I really liked was that they, for the most part, recognized and accepted that The Bride was justified in her revenge. They knew that they did her wrong and that it was entirely fair for her to try to repay them. I guess that's part of the 'honor of bandits' or whatever. Not that their acceptance of her revenge meant they weren't going to fight against it. But they knew they 'had it (a fight) coming to them.' These characters were professional assassins (or 'warriors') who understood the reality and philosophy of war, which says that you are allowed, and probably even expected, to retaliate against someone who has wronged you. You have that right to seek revenge, but don't expect it to be easy.*

I rarely get to see movies when they first come out so all of this is probably old news to most people. But I was pretty impressed with the movies and wanted to note it anyway.


*This idea isn't really so different from the "certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" of the Declaration of Independence.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Islamic Reformation

This is just a brief note because I don't really have time to say a lot. But I think it's time for an Islamic Luther. It seems that the Islamic faith really needs some reformation in a similar way as how Luther reformed Christianity and created the Protestant Tradition.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

World Wide Web

Recent visitors:



via Statcounter

I'm not sure how I feel about people around the world knowing how insane I am sometimes.

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are?
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably

"Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

On the Edge of Sanity

My apologies to all:

Whatever forces in the Universe (internal and external) that maintain equilibrium are all out of whack. (maybe it's just hormonal? but isn't that what I always say? lol) The nurturer needs some nurturing (of the warm-fuzzy type), and since I have no mother or grandmothers or other female relatives who can provide that I must either provide for myself or pay someone else to do it. ;-)


Don't cry for me Argentina. This too shall pass. I hope.

Meanwhile here are some funny searches that have recently led here:

she loves to be tied up

car stash box

symbolism for lemons

she was looking kind of dumb (from Sweden)

does a recluse bite always leave a scar

island for sale 8 million dollars

how to handle wives that are bitches

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Word for Today: Nurture

Noun:

Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French norriture, from Late Latin nutritura act of nursing, from Latin nutritus, past participle of nutrire to suckle, nourish -- more at NOURISH

1: TRAINING, UPBRINGING

2: something that nourishes: FOOD

3: the sum of the influences modifying the expression of the genetic potentialities of an organism

Verb:

1: to supply with nourishment

2: EDUCATE

3: to further the development of: FOSTER


There is a lot of debate about the influences that shape us. This Nature vs. Nurture argument has been around a long time, and I suspect it will continue as long as some groups try to think that it's one or the other that is most important. I am a little biased myself, though. If I had to put a percentage on it I would say that we are the product of about 65% Nature and 35% Nurture.* But let's not get too concerned with numbers here because that 35% can be very important and pivotal in the final outcome.

It seems some people think that Nurture is so minimally important that it is not worth any value. I strongly disagree. And it also seems that some people think that Nurture is easy and mostly warm cuddles and encouragement. These people are clearly not mothers. Of course, those things are aspects of Nurturing, but to truly further the development of things or people we must sometimes be harsh, critical, and/or vicious even ;-). The farmer who nurtures his crops must remove the weaker sprouts to make room for the stronger ones. Mother Nature eliminates many weaker things that would not benefit growth and development. Nurture isn't all about focusing only on the good and happy and beneficial. It takes a certain talent to be able to discern what needs to be done for nurturing to be successful and balanced.

Women are naturally the nurturers of our species. This is because the female is the one who bears children and Nature would not assign a duty without providing the proper "instincts" to fullfill that duty. If that were the case, we'd have never evolved to where we are now. Of course, I'm not saying that men can't or don't nurture or that some men might even be better at it than the average woman. There are many degrees of nurturing ability just as there are many degrees of other abilities. Unfortunately, our modern society doesn't value Nurturing as much as it should.** My own personal opinion about this is that the feminist movement is partly responsible for this trend (in addition to the rise of the patriarchal religions). Although women of today do benefit in many ways from the struggles of our feminist mothers we are also paying consequences that they didn't foresee. But this is a perfect example of the Nurturing that Nature does. Nature determines the consequences of our actions whether we like them or not and whether we expect them or not. Nurture can never fully overcome Nature. But to worship the powers of Nature without regard to our own powers of Nurture is just asking for trouble.

----
* In thinking about this percentage thing I realized I should probably explain it a little more. It seems best to think of it in the same way as weather forecasts. (not especially precise, etc.) When we hear that we have a 30% chance of rain, it actually means that 30% of the forecast area can expect rain. Though we can't really say which 30%. ;-) If this is incorrect then blame it on the meteorologist who explained it this way on TV. :-) We often joke at home about it "30 percenting" when we are the ones who get the rain and not the other 70% of our area. My 35% Nurture effect is somewhat similar to the weather situation. At any given time 35% of people will be experiencing some major Nurturing effects. ;-)

However, my little joke isn't really intended to limit it to that reasoning. I do also think that on an individual basis, on averagae, a person's self is 65% biologically determined while the other 35% is environmentally determined.


** By not respecting Nurture enough I mean that modern society wants to limit Nurture to only the positive reinforcement aspects while refusing to accept the harsher aspects of it (the Fall of Punishment, as in the form of no more corporal punishment in schools and the revolt against the Death Penalty, etc., is one example). Modern society can't accept that 'bad things can happen to good people' and that there are natural and sometimes chaotic consequences to life. There are many books devoted to that topic and it's much too broad to approach in a afterthought. Ultimately, Nature and Nurture are inseparable and as dependent upon each other as men and women.

And apparently at the present time my own personal Nature vs. Nurture influences are at battle so if I appear confused and/or inconsistent I will blame them. ;-)

Monday, September 11, 2006

Timely and Accurate

Yeah, yeah, it's a horoscope, but it sure does tell the story of the last couple of days:

Aquarius, 9-11-2006, by Jonathan Cainer:

Promises are easy to make - but hard to keep. Especially when they are made under duress. H[S?]ome truths are easy to tell - but hard to hear. Especially when they are expressed under stress. Lies though, are easy to tell and easy to believe, especially when people are caught up in a mess. Be wary, now, of what others are saying. Be wary, too, of your own desire to say something. It's not a question, now, of what's convenient or inconvenient. What you need to know is 'what's true?'

A Solemn (and angry) Day

Five years ago today I was playing with my youngest who was one year old. The TV was on with the CBS morning show. Don't ask why CBS because it's irrelevant. I heard the commotion after the first plane hit. They were speculating that a small commuter plane had maybe gotten disoriented and crashed into the building. We were so innocent and optimistic that it had to be an accident. Then as we were watching the burning building we saw the second plane hit. It was clearly no accident.

Stunned and sick all held my son and cried.

Then the fear set in. What was next? Then we heard the report of the Pentagon crash. My God, what was happening? It seemed the beginning of the End. Maybe it was.

Anyone who is overly sensitive should stop reading now. I really mean it.

I hate the stupid ragheads that did this. I hate the idiots who think they can negotiate with them. The Islamic Jihadists would just as soon kill us as look at us. Get that through your stupid skulls. On Sept. 11, 2001, they wanted to destroy us. And five years later they still do. I would personally put a gun to any of their ragheads and blow their fucking brains out. I'm a born Rebel.* And with a Rebel Yell I will fight to the death for my freedom and that of my children and even the lilly ass Liberals who think they can hug away our enemies. Yes, I'm a terrifying Hillbilly. You better believe it. No better friend you'll ever find, but no scarier an enemy either.

On this day I mourn the loss of innocent lives and celebrate the deaths of our enemies.

God Bless America. Amen.

*Rebel not in the "Confederate" sense, but in the Revolutionary War sense. Incidentally, many Hillbillies fought for the Union as did many of my ancestors. I know of only one branch (my mother's biological father's side) that owned any slaves (three, but I have no idea what their 'value' was). I don't know, but I'm assuming they were Confederates. Though they could have freed their slaves and then supported the Union. I can't be blamed for that past because I wasn't there and didn't have any control over it.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Family Theme Song- All Star

One of the best CDs ever is Smash Mouth's Astro Lounge. It's fun and funky, and the title is perfect for it. Think sci-fi meets tiki bar. Anyway, the biggest hit from it is "All Star", which has been featured in movies including Shrek. My family has kind of adopted it as a family 'theme song' that we sing for encouragement and celebration.

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Back to the rule and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow

[Chorus:]
Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older
But the meteor men beg to differ
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin
The waters getting warm so you might as well swim
My world's on fire, how about yours?
That's the way I like it and I never get bored

[Repeat Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked, could I spare some change for gas?
I need to get myself away from this place
I said 'yep, what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself'
And we could all use a little change

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Back to the rule and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold


When by myself (driving, etc.) I like to change the second line of the chorus to:

"Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get your clothes off, get laid!"

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Mortality

I'm not sure why I've been in a darkish mood the last couple of days. I've been feeling my mortality and thinking about it. I don't want to sound morbid or morose because it's not like that. It's just kind of dark. And it's just part of being and feeling alive.


On August 19-21, 1999, I experienced the Shaman's Death. It wasn't at all 'typical' of the traditional initiations of native cultures. It was a very modern version, especially now that this 'ritual' I experienced has become an icon of modern advertising, but the 'where-and-how' it happened really isn't as important as 'what' in this case. Not that the 'where-and-how' aren't at all important; nearly everything has a 'landscape' or 'background' that's not mutually exclusive (though not always very influential). However, it's a sociological mistake for some people to say that the only way to a truly profound experience is to go through a particular, regimented ritual. Some native cultures sent their Shamans out into the wilderness for a few days, and some 'buried' them overnight. Some cultures had other practices. But they all sought the effect of facing your Shadow (your darkest fears and impulses) and emerging wiser (though wounded) for it, or to be 'spiritually reborn'.* I think of my 'death' as having my 'bubble' - my bubble of illusions that surrounded me and distorted my view of the world (like a placenta in a way) - burst . And it was a real visual experience that literally appeared as if the 'old world' fell away in pieces and disappeared, leaving an almost painfully vivid and crisp world in view.

It was the kind of sight that your heart 'sees' in addition to your brain. There might be some kind of neural 'direct line' of communication from the visual nerve directly to the heart. And maybe not, but it sounds good. ;-) Maybe this is the 'chi' of Eastern traditions. Anyway, it was profound and painful in a visceral way. Some might call it a heartbreak, but it was more than that. Not that heartbreak isn't bad, but a Shaman's Death is a more complete breaking of the entire self. And the future is truly, absolutely unknown which means that you don't even know if you have a home to return to. That is a very scary feeling, but you must face it.

I don't really consider myself a Shaman, but that 'system' of beliefs most appeals to me because much of it most accurately reflects my own life experiences. The Shaman's Death was truly the rebirth into a new way of thinking of myself and my world. And it has been a long, hard process to reintegrate my 'new' self into the world. After that rebirth it takes time to learn to live again. So all of that was the 'what' of it, but the 'why' of the Shaman's Death has always been somewhat elusive, as most good 'why' questions tend to be. ;-)

I'm not sure what it means, but I've been feeling on the verge of something important. And maybe that is what seems to have heightened my sense of mortality. But not just mortality in the sense of living for a limited time, but of being and living. It's a greater awareness of being alive in a physical, sensual world. And that's good because I tend to neglect that over the intellectual and spiritual aspects of life. Maybe I'm reaching some other Shamanic milestone. I'll have to look it up.


------
*I've also been Baptized.

Secret Worlds

Trust me, this is really neat. You'll take a 'tour' of the universe in an amazing way:

Secret Worlds: The Universe Within


While you're there click on some of the other galleries. They are beautiful. Click here for a gorgeous pearl image. This is a beautiful Universe, for all its mysteries and all that we've so far discovered. Nature is the greatest artist.

And don't miss the picture of my favorite cocktail.

Be sure to give yourself plenty of time to browse these wonderful images. Sometimes a lifetime isn't long enough.

Mae West Quote for Today

"I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."