Dear Hugo Chavez,

If you think that George Bush is the Devil, you ain't seen nothing yet. You are a stupid idiot to come to America and disrespect our President in such a nasty way. And then you have the nerve to go to Harlem and promise free oil to poor people. Your communist tricks will only work on poor people. Communist tricks only ever work on poor, usually kind of lazy and not-too-smart people, as you well know. You can take your communist oil and give yourself an enema with it. Yeah, that's exactly what you need. Some Venezuelan Colonics! And you better hope that your path and mine never cross. There's no way in Hell that you'll be getting a ride in my Corvette. And it don't run on Venezuelan oil. I promise you that.

And really, how stupid can you be? When America buys half your oil you don't go abusing it. You need some serious lessons on how business really works.* We need to cut you off. Maybe we should do as the radical Muslims that you are courting. It probably wouldn't take a whole lot of convincing to get a large group of bar-room Rednecks riled up enough to go burning up all your Citgo stations. But, we're not radical Muslims and don't do that kind of thing. (And I won't be held responsible if anyone actually does that. I'm definitely not organizing any criminal activity. I'm just saying how easy it would be.) My advice to you is to shut up and go to your own country as soon as possible.

My advice to my fellow Americans is to stop buying Venezuelan oil no matter how much it might cost. It's time to put our money where our mouths are. And I don't think that you, Hugo, and that crazy Iranian will be able to bully us around about oil if we all stand together. You might be able to buy some poor people in Harlem (and CNN), but you won't buy me with your oil.

One last thing: FUTUE TE ET IPSUM CABALLUM!! (no, it's not Spanish, and you can look it up)

Most seriously and sincerely,

Vicious Momma (to you- you don't get to call me by my real name)

*You use the drug dealer's approach to business with your oil. Give a free sample and get the poor people hooked so you can manipulate and control them. That is all communism is at its core.... opium for the masses. Yeah, that's right, I'm telling you that Marx was wrong about religion. He was ultimately describing his own ideas.