Your words to me just a whisper
Your face is so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
So I speak to you in riddles
'Cause my words get in my way
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
'Cause I can't take anymore of this
I want to come apart
And dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention
Yet I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
Epiphany by Staind
I'm not quick. I'm slow with the witty replies - they always crawl out of the gray muck much too late to be relevant. Like in this song above, the words get washed away in the chaos of my mind. Unlike writing when I can take my time and think and choose the words that fit, when I'm speaking, especially about vulnerable emotional things, I get nervous and anxious and freeze up like a deer in the headlights. It feels like I dissociate from my body and the thoughts don't get translated into words and I pause too long. What did you just say? I didn't comprehend it because my ears were disconnected from my brain while I was trying to access my tongue to speak. How many important statements have I missed due to this executive failure to multitask processing and expression?
But sometimes I get struck with an insight from the simplest of instances, like a misread word, and it resonates and clears the internal disarray to a path of epiphany. I recently experienced this spark that lead to a quiet but much needed prayer of hope and appreciation. It came from an unexpected and humorous uncertainty. I love when surprise inspiration comes from seemingly mundane events. It's funny how we can make love out of nothing at all.
Sometimes we feel things that no words are adequate to express. Some experiences and people are unlike anything we've ever known. These are the enigmas and mysteries that burn and churn in the mind and heart and soul. I've been taught that good writing should employ an economy of words, careful use of flourish, precision and thrift, but let's not be miserly about our feelings. There are many kinds of love and sometimes all of them get concentrated in one place. Care, affection, attraction, desire - all together and still insufficient to define this thing.
I was handed a Wizard Jewel and it led to an epiphany that I am still trying to fully comprehend. Is its luminance real or just a mirage, a limerence, a chimera, a fantasy pulled purely out of my own nonsense? Making love out of nothing at all?
I know just how to whisper
And I know just how to cry
I know just where to find the answers
And I know just how to lie
I know just how to fake it
And I know just how to scheme
I know just when to face the truth
And then I know just when to dream
And I know just where to touch you
And I know just what to prove
I know when to pull you closer
And I know when to let you loose
And I know the night is fading
And I know the time's gonna fly
And I'm never gonna tell you everything I gotta tell you
But I know I gotta give it a try
And I know the roads to riches
And I know the ways to fame
I know all the rules and then I know how to break 'em
And I always know the name of the game
But I don't know how to leave you
And I'll never let you fall
And I don't know how you do it
Making love out of nothing at all
Out of nothing at all
(Making love) Out of nothing at all
(Making love)
Out of nothing at all
(Making love) Out of nothing at all
(Making love) Out of nothing at all
(Making love) Out of nothing at all
Every time I see you all the rays of the sun are all
Streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes
Like a spotlight
The beating of my heart is a drum and it's lost
And it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn it to a beacon burning endlessly bright
I've gotta follow it 'cause everything I know
Well, it's nothing 'til I give it to you
I can make the runner stumble
I can make the final block
I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
I can make all the stadiums rock
I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
I can make you every promise that has ever been made
And I can make all your demons be gone
But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really wanna see me crawl
And I'm never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all
Making Love Out of Nothing At All by Air Supply
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