Monday, February 20, 2006

The many meanings of P-M-S:

1. Pass My Shotgun


2. Psychotic Mood Shift


3. Perpetual Munching Spree


4. Puffy Mid-Section


5. People Make me Sick


6. Provide Me with Sweets


7. Pardon My Sobbing


8. Pimples May Surface


9. Pass My Sweatpants


10. Pissy Mood Syndrome


11. Plainly, Men Suck


12. Pack My Stuff


.....and my favorite one..


13. Potential Murder Suspect

And as an example:

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One!!! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to
change a light bulb! They don't even know that the
bulb is BURNED OUT!! They'd sit there in the dark
for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!! And,
once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to
find the light bulbs despite the fact they've been in
the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 13 YEARS! But
if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find
the bulbs 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to
stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would
STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT
WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME
IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE
GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL
SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT
DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE
AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!
I'm sorry. What was your question?

5 comments:

nige said...

Can't someone invent something to stop women going through this cycle? Why can't some chemist invent a chemical cure? Something that will turn off the silly monthly syndrome completely, except for when the woman wants to have kids? Having women's hormone levels changing like this on a monthly cycle is sheer hell. Something should be done. If women lose an egg a month that way, it would save a lot of eggs and increase the chance of them having a child when they decide the time is best.

DHammett said...

Better living through chemistry, Nigel? I think we put enough garbage in our bodies, intentionally and unintentionally, without looking to create another pill. I'm on the receiving end enough to be able to appreciate the discomfort it can cause in a woman and a household, but maybe treating her nicely and trying to be understanding is a better approach.

Kat said...

omg, i am totally lmao.

Rae Ann said...

nigel, the 'cure' of PMS is simple: Man must worship woman. Seriously, PMS seems to have gotten worse with 'modern' chemical treatments. It's unhealthy to supress ovulation in women for years and years by way of the Pill. I think some of the Native American tribes were on the right track with the "Moon Lodges" where menstruating women were sequestered. I have a feeling that instead of it being a form of 'punishment' for the women it was more of a relief from the demands of the men and children for that week.

dh, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. It takes a strong man to be kind to a PMSing woman (and especially a house full of them).

kat, I really like the "pass my shotgun" one too! LOL

Edna Throttlebottom said...

Brava!