Tuesday, February 07, 2006

From the Mailbag 2

(more chimerical correspondence)

Rae Ann,

Rumor has it that your 'retreat' to Utah was really a court-ordered drug rehab stay.

Big Brother

Big Brother,

Well, I didn't use any illegal drugs while in Utah. Does that count as rehab?

Rae Ann

PS I really got pissed when your TSA jerks destroyed some of my spa goodies when they searched my checked bag. Did they think I was smuggling drugs or a bomb in a perfume bottle? And don't they know how to screw a lid back on a jar? (this part is totally true)

Dear Rae Ann,

You've been skulking about some academic blogs and leaving dumb comments. Why? You are way out of your league and should stop exposing yourself as a non-member of the academic intelligensia.


The Thought Police

Dear Thought Police,

I dreamed about you one night in Utah. In my dream God told me to annoy you and be relentless in showing you all your contradictions and biases. Your totalitarianish persecution won't stop me. Just remember that Groove is in the Heart, not in the Head.


Rae Ann

PS I graduated magna cum laude, but it would have been summa cum laude if I hadn't blown off a non-major class my last semester. I'm not interested in being a card carrying member of the intelligensia.

Mrs. M______,

I work for the TSA and I have to confess that I sniffed and stole one of your panties while searching your suitcase. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't resist. I've never done anything like that before.

Ashamed TSA


I knew it! I hope you're not the same one who broke my other stuff. If Mr. M______ knew what you did he'd cut off your nuts. Just don't try to return them (my panties) now. And please, I don't want to hear any more about it.

Mrs. M______

Rae Ann,

When are you going put up a map of the States that you've had sex in?



That's none of your business. I'll just say it is far fewer than the ones I've slept in.

Rae Ann

Hey, everyone is welcome to ask a real or imaginary question.


TSA said...

Dear Rae Ann -

For your information, it takes four of us to screw the lid back on a jar: one to hold the lid and three to turn the jar. And there were only three of us standing around at the time.

Smelling nice,


PS Your husband couldn't cut off our nuts if he tried. We have none.

Rae Ann said...

tsa, I'm not finished with you yet.