Take a Bow, Say Goodbye

Just as I did ten years ago when I performed this tribute, I've decided to overcome my critical self-consciousness and share this video:

Unchained Melody

The following video is my dad's 1998 skating tribute to my mom who had died in January 1997. He had retired from his work nine months before and had let his hair grow long. He was 60 at this time, and in pretty good shape. I designed and made his skating shirt. Of course, the music is "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers, which is best known as the love theme from the movie Ghost, but it had been one of his and my mom's favorites long before that.

Forty Words

The 40 most frequent words on the main blog page:

around (5) best (15) bring (5) cement (5) changing (5) chocolate (12) cry (6) cup (7) dad (5) god (5) gone (5) happens (6) labels (10) landslide (8) learn (6) life (11) links (9) love (7) maybe (5) music (5) older (7) ordinary (11) people (6) pm (7) pond (5) pool (5) post (19) project (5) rae (12) really (5) seeds (10) sown (9) sure (5) survive (6) things (7) think (6) times (14) videos (6) world (22) yesterday (6)

created at TagCrowd.com

Sizzlin' Nuggets

Blue Q makes the cutest things. I got a pack of this "Boss Lady" gum the last time I visited my friend in North Carolina. Here are pictures of the entire package.



If I were a dominatrix, the cowgirl get-up might be my thing. Chew'em up and spit'em out. With a little help from Snappy. ;-)



I love the attention to detail in this printed reverse side of the packaging. Isn't this Boss Lady Country a fun little map? The tied up bundles of men and the running guys are so cute. ;-)




I also got this "Next to the Last Supper" gum. Well, maybe it's a sin, but the Bonus Shroud (printed inside) really cracks me up:



If you've ever seen a guy with a huge wad of chewing tobacco in his cheek like that you might find it even funnier. It's part of the baseball symbolism of the "trading card" theme, because baseball players have been known for their chewing tobacco.

Dear Rev. Jeremiah Wright,

You should be ashamed of yourself. And you should take some lessons from the Pope about how to act in the name of God. But let me tell you one thing. You are so wrong about the white government conspiring against black progress. What do you think the last 40 or so years have been all about? What planet have you been living on?

What do you think about the white government's raid on an all white polygamist compound? Do you think that's a conspiracy against anyone? It sure looks to me like a conspiracy against white religious pimps (and pedophiles). Maybe it would be fair if the government raided some black "compound" full of pregnant underage girls who might not even know who're the fathers. All they'd have to do is pick a public housing project of any major city, and I'm pretty sure they would find a comparable number of underage mothers and mothers-to-be. And I'm also pretty sure that most of those fathers are not underage. Surely you are capable of doing those calculations. And if you really cared about "your people" you would want the government's help to end the exploitation of your people's young women. I mean, Lord have mercy, are you really that dumb or is it just an act? Either way, you are not doing anything to help improve the world, and you are supposed to be a minister of God's Word and Love for all people. Honestly, how well do you think you're doing at that?

I will pray that God puts it heavy on your heart to do the right thing. And to say the right thing.

Sincerely,

Rae Ann (aka Vicious Momma)

Fancy Cement Pond

The title comes from The Beverly Hillbillies show I grew up watching. They called their swimming pool a "cement pond."



Well, ours isn't quite as fancy as theirs, but it's not too bad:



They just finished the fence today, but the pool itself has been done for a little over a month. We still have some landscaping, etc, to finish. The kids couldn't wait for the water to warm up, so they went swimming when it was still 68 degrees. Last week the water warmed to about 74 so I got in it too. But now it's colder again because we're having a cold snap. We can't wait until summer when it's consistently warm. And the way my body has been aching lately it will be very therapeutic too.

Here are pictures of the building process which began last October:







Well, since I didn't get to have a big party for my 40th birthday, maybe I'll just have a big pool party this summer. ;-)

I'm very pleased with the builders and recommend them to anyone in our area who's looking to build a pool.

Pools By Heritage

L & M Ornamental Iron (fencing)

Hot Chocolate

I got this in an email and decided to post it since I haven't been posting much lately, and I like it.

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a
reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now
retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about
stress in their work, and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the
professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot
chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain
looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to
the hot chocolate.

When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said,
"Notice that all the nice looking , expensive cups were taken, leaving
behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only
the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot
chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even
hides what we drink. What all of you wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup;
but you consciously went for the best cups...and then you began eyeing each
other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position
in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life.
The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate
God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cup.

The happiest people don't have the best of everything.
They just make the best of everything that they have.


Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

And enjoy your hot chocolate!


(I think I'll have a cup of that now, with a shot or two of Kahlua. ;-) )

The Best of Times

Tonight's the night we'll make history, honey, you and I
And I'll take any risk to tie back the hands of time
And stay with you here tonight
I know you feel these are the worst of times
I do believe it's true
When people lock their doors and hide inside
Rumor has it it's the end of Paradise
But I know, if the world just passed us by
Baby I know, I wouldn't have to cry

The best of times are when I'm alone with you
Some rain some shine, we'll make this a world for two
Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime
We'll take the best, forget the rest
And someday we'll find these are the best of times
These are the best of times

The headlines read 'these are the worst of times'
I do believe it's true
I feel so helpless like a boat against the tide
I wish the summer wind could bring back Paradise
But I know, if the world turned upside down
Baby, I know you'd always be around, my my

The best of times are when I'm alone with you
Some rain some shine, we'll make this a world for two
Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime
We'll take the best, forget the rest
And someday we'll find these are the best of times
These are the best of times

When I'm alone with you everything's alright
Babe, you brighten up my night

And so my friends we'll say goodnight
For time has claimed it's prize
But tonight will always last
As long as we keep alive memories of Paradise...

I heard this song on the radio the other night and it just seemed so timely in so many ways, even though it's a 27 year old song. As they say, the more things change the more they stay the same.

Losing (literally and figuratively) so many male figures in my life over the last year has made me appreciate that much more the one that has been my rock and foundation through it all, the one that I never have to doubt or question his devotion. I know I haven't expressed enough all my appreciation and love, so I want to say, the best of times are when I'm alone with you.

Ordinary World

Came in from a rainy Thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV
And the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Every one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world
Every one
Is my world

"Ordinary World" by Duran Duran

My own words are failing me a lot these days so I have to turn to music to say what I feel. Just like the song says, the ordinary world I used to know is gone and I have to learn to survive and deal with all the ghosts who've left me to the "vacuum of my heart." Going through my dad's house, tying up loose ends, all the things we have to do when our last parent dies... it's all "just a little sorrowed talk" in the midst of a much bigger and uninterested, ordinary world. I don't cry for yesterday, but I do cry for today (and tomorrow).

Comic Relief

It's all the Curse of the (Dead) Black Widow In the Jar, at least according to my husband's jokes. Spider Karma or something.

I heard a funny joke about a sperm being the most intelligent cell in a woman's body. Of course, a feminist would say it's the egg since it's the one that chooses which sperm to let in. ;-) But I also thought it could be a come-on: "Hey, baby, I need an intelligence injection..."

Oh, and in response to Earth Day, I think we "climate realists" should start celebrating an annual Carbon Dioxide Day.

I keep thinking of things to write but can't get to the computer before deciding that it's not that interesting anyway, or just plain forgetting what it was, which means it really wasn't that interesting after all. ;-)

Real life has been intense, heavy, and difficult over the last several months. When that happens I sometimes turn to frivolous things to help lighten things up. I've really gotten into watching all these reality shows on Bravo. First it was Project Runway, but it ended so then I started watching Top Chef. It's pretty interesting, but surprisingly I've gotten pretty engrossed the The Real Housewives of NYC. Well, it's just funny and interesting to watch people who are so different from me. They aren't what I'd consider "real" housewives in the same sense that I am, but maybe I'm more a homemaker than a housewife. Not that it matters anyway. It's just for comic relief.

Landslide

(this is for you, Daddy)

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'til the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'cause I built my life around you
But time made you bolder
Children get older
And I'm getting older too
So

I've been afraid of changing
'cause I built my life around you
But time made you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
I'm getting older too

So, take this love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down, down

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe the landslide will bring it down
Well, well, the landslide will bring it down

"Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac

My dad always thought Stevie Nicks was very beautiful and sexy, even though she got 'fat' as she got older.

Many thanks to those who have left comments in the last couple of weeks, and I'm sorry for not being able to acknowledge them sooner. The last 6 or so weeks have been incredibly intense and exhausting, and I'm trying to slowly process it all. Probably at this point I'm in the numb stage, until some small thing happens to trigger a landslide of emotions. Please forgive me if I seem to dwell on these things in the coming weeks and if I keep bringing it up. I'm not sure what I've said here already so I should go back and reread the recent posts. I'm also sorry if I repeat myself a lot. That's just part of the grieving process. It all still seems so surreal.

Dad's Obituary

For details and funeral arrangements please see my dad's obituary in the Knoxville News-Sentinal and online.

He's Gone

My dad passed away at about 1:30 am this morning. He was very peaceful because he had just gotten home from the hospital and set up with hospice. We'll be making funeral arrangements this afternoon.

Good Times, Bad Times

This week has been pretty eventful so far, and my dad is back in the hospital for a few days. I don't have time to give all the details at the moment but will come back to that when I do have time. Good thoughts and prayers are always appreciated. Thanks.

I Can See Clearly Now

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-shiny day

"I Can See Clearly Now" by Johnny Nash

Happy Easter Sunday, the most holy of the Christian holidays. Easter is early this year, and our weather has been pretty cold but pleasant enough. We had some egg hunts at my dad's house this afternoon. He's not doing as well as he was, mostly because the stupid doctor on Friday told him he was "worse off" than a week ago. You'd think by now they would understand the powerful psychological consequences of their words on their patients. Well, whether we acknowledge it or not our minds and psychology are quite powerful and influential in our fates.

24 Although Thomas the Twin was one of the twelve disciples, he wasn't with the others when Jesus appeared to them.

25 So they told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But Thomas said, "First, I must see the nail scars in his hands and touch them with my finger. I must put my hand where the spear went into his side. I won't believe unless I do this!"

26 A week later the disciples were together again. This time, Thomas was with them. Jesus came in while the doors were still locked and stood in the middle of the group. He greeted his disciples

27 and said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and look at my hands! Put your hand into my side. Stop doubting and have faith!"

28 Thomas replied, "You are my Lord and my God!"

29 Jesus said, "Thomas, do you have faith because you have seen me? The people who have faith in me without seeing me are the ones who are really blessed!"

John 20:24-29

Resurrection is psychologically pleasing. And I really cannot see or find any totally convincing argument against the possibility that our consciousness lives on after the physical body dies. Believe me, I have looked and many people have tried to tell me over the years.

Free will is inherent in humans. It is one of the traits that separates us from the "lower" animals. We determine (or limit) our destiny by our choices. I hope I don't really need to list examples to prove my point. This is a basic fact.

If one chooses to reject an afterlife he is essentially committing spiritual suicide. As a conscious entity, the mind determines whether or not it goes on. If the mind has convinced itself that physical death is the end of its existence, then it will be. This is completely consistent with the Christian idea of accepting, or not, that Jesus's teachings are the true path to God and His (our) Heavenly home (afterlife for our consciousness/mind/soul) somewhere in the whole of the Universe (other than the dimensions we know in physical life). Hell is permanent separation from God, and if the consciousness stops itself at physical death then that's definitely a permanent separation from God, or in other words, spiritual suicide.

Now let me switch over to my shamanic mode for a minute. One of the main jobs of the shaman in a community is to help people prepare for death. Nearly all societies have had some kind of rituals to help people move from one "world" to the next. This is the aspect of shamanism that I have been most uncomfortable about, yet as I look back at my adult life it is one of the most prevalent. Death has been a frequent presence in my adult life. My life situation has always worked out so that I was available to attend to the needs of my aging and dying grandparents. And my mother, and now my father.

I think I've always kind of intuitively known that this was my "purpose," though it has taken many years for me to "fine tune" my understanding (and acceptance) of it. So now, I'm facing the reality of dying and death yet again, and I must use any wisdom gained from all the cumulative experiences to help my dad prepare for the afterlife.

Okay, so in additional to attending to his physical needs during this process I will offer the spiritual support and encouragement that might ease his fear and anxiety about the bodily demise and the soul's movement beyond. I know that he is a believer and that his choice has been made.

Well, I've lost steam for a big finale here. Maybe I'll think of something to add later. Anyway, that is this Easter Sunday's sermonette.



I considered taking a page out of Lee Smolin's playbook and naming this sermonette something very pretentious and academic-sounding like "Resurrection and the Proof of God" (not quite a GUT but almost a TOE). ;-) I mean, now surely, mustn't I be at least as smart (or funny, maybe) as he is? ;-) But my spunky mood faded.

Some Improvements

Thanks to everyone who has offered comments, prayers, and encouragement. Over the last few days my dad seems to be gaining strength each day. His mood and breathing are improving too. He is about halfway through the radiation regime, and tomorrow morning we will get a report from the doctor on how the treatments are working so far. It certainly looks to my untrained eye that something is working. Actually, I feel fairly strongly that my dad will get somewhat better in the next few weeks, as long as the chemo doesn't weaken him too much. His next chemo is on Monday, but he did not have one this week. And I'm pretty sure that's why he's feeling more energetic now.

Happy Spring.

Cancer Sucks

Sorry for the long silence. It's been a busy time and I just haven't felt up to saying much here. My dad is getting radiation treatments daily for the next two weeks and chemo once a week. After the radiation they will probably increase the chemo but we are keeping options open. Right now, the chemo is a low dose of Taxol and Carboplatin. On Friday this week they will do a CT scan to see if the tumor is responding to the treatments. Well, 'needless to say' (I'm violating my personal aversion to and prohibition of that phrase) it's very difficult to see my dad so ill. It's especially hard for David because he and my dad are very close and it's been less than a year since his dad died. Sometimes life punches us in the nuts.

So It Is

Sorry to have to say it, but my dad does have lung cancer. We don't know yet the prognosis, etc, but he will begin radiation treatments next week sometime. Well, we all are pretty devastated even though we kind of knew this would probably happen at some point since he smoked all his adult life. I can't get angry at him for smoking because I understand that times and the world were much different when his habit was entrenched. And he did drastically reduce it in recent years.

I feel a bit numb right now, though moments of emotion break through. It recalls the sadness and disappointment of my mother's and grandmother's illnesses over a decade ago. Knowing that we all face these things in life doesn't make it any easier when it happens.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

War Is Messy

Prayer Request

Dear friends, please, if you ever pray or somehow meditate for better things, my family needs good thoughts sent our way. My dad is in the hospital again with more pneumonia. He just got out of the hospital a couple of weeks ago after a week's stay for pneumonia in his left lung. It seems he went home a little too soon, and now it has spread to his right lung and he has broken a rib from coughing so much. There is some concern about a tumor since he has smoked all his adult life, and they are doing a procedure today to look inside his lungs and take biopsies and cultures if necessary. Sorry for the less than happy news, and thanks for any prayers and good thoughts you can spare.