A Multitude of Sins

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough

Losing My Religion by REM

Continuing with some Bible study the next chapter I've been meditating on is James 5. The beginning of the chapter is a spiritual warning to the wealthy oppressors who have exploited everyone so that they could live lavishly. Many people today seem to believe that is a modern problem but it has existed from the beginning of civilization. Then James 5 goes on to encourage people to be patient and kind with each other through their suffering because the time of judgment will come:

7 Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. 8 You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. 9 Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!

Believers are then called to gather in prayer in order to share blessings, sorrows, and other concerns so that the power of prayer can heal them:

13 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

We are told to confess our sins to one another so that we can be healed and forgiven. That is hard for me because I want to hide my shame and don't want others to think less of me. Sometimes spiritual obedience has been a sore spot for me. While I'm usually a pretty good rule follower and try to do the right and correct things most of the time I am not perfect and give into tempting thoughts. I don't like to admit that.    

Every whisper, of every waking hour
I'm choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this, consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this, the slip
That brought me to my knees, failed
What if all these fantasies come flailing around?
Now I've said too much

Losing My Religion by REM

In my mind I have committed a multitude of sins and I find myself choosing my confessions as if any are less sinful. The Ten Commandments are mostly about actions we should and should not do to be free of sin, but that last one about coveting covers all the sins of thought. And really, coveting seems like the motivation of most of the other action sins (murder, theft, adultery, lying, idolatry). When we want what isn't ours we are tempted to do those things to have our way. 

Choosing my confessions. Well, maybe I'm not ready to reveal my worst even with the promise of forgiveness and healing. The hint of the century, the slip that brings me to my knees. Lord, help me, I'm not lost but I am longing for a path that isn't mine.

19 My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, 20 remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough

   

Ecclesiastes 3

This chapter is so incredibly deep and profound. We humans think we are so all-powerful and all-knowing because of being made in His image, but we are in this temporary in-carn-ation of fragile flesh. Nothing is eternal and indestructible like God. 

The verse that has consumed my mind is 11: He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 

The particular phrase that really sears in my thoughts is "set eternity in the human heart" and I think that is the definition of love. It is God's love and the kind of love we are supposed to share with each other - timeless, eternal, and all the things of laid out in 1 Corinthians 13. We can't fully comprehend it but that does not mean it is diminished or not real. "No one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

(Today I am feeling really very sad. Feeling hurt, excluded, forgotten. I need to shore up a couple of my Four Agreements mantras: "don't take anything personally" and "don't make assumptions." It's hard sometimes to let go of feelings -good and bad, but I know there is a time for everything and that everything that is has been before and will be again. God is testing me and I'm failing. I'm just a stupid animal, dust to dust.)       

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2  a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3  a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

4  a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6  a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7  a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8  a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

15 Whatever is has already been,

    and what will be has been before;

    and God will call the past to account.

16 And I saw something else under the sun:

    In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,

    in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

17 I said to myself,

    “God will bring into judgment

    both the righteous and the wicked,

    for there will be a time for every activity,

    a time to judge every deed.”

18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 

20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”

22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

TURN! TURN! TURN! (Lyrics) - THE BYRDS

Not Karma, Just Aging

Turns out that my current shoulder troubles are not actually related to my youthful blunder. Apparently I have a 3-4 cm tear in my rotator cuff likely because of a bone spur rubbing it. The doctor say he didn't think it was because of the break in 1999. So I can let that stop being a source of self censure. 

I'm sure that the tearing is due to the increased physical activity of the last year. I probably overdid a lot because I had so much energy. Lots of heavy lifting, reaching, carrying, and exercise probably caused all the rubbing and tearing. The spirit's willing but the body can't keep up.

So let's just add shoulder surgery to this year's list of hard things. It's scheduled for the last week of October. Three months of recovery. Ouch.  

Be Still and Know

Psalm 46 has been on my mind a lot for a while. It does help to stop in the midst of life's chaos to just be in the moment, observing and sensing and existing without judgment or analysis but with gratitude and reverence. Whether it's God or Nature or whatever bigger thing one feels connected to it is calming to acknowledge and appreciate it. 

That being said, this week has been a doozy with the political assassination of Charlie Kirk. I didn't necessarily agree 100% with him but in general yes, we were of similar minds. He was so young and still being formed. His harder edges would have softened with time and life experience but that was stolen from him by an even younger man, deranged by social lies and propaganda meant to cause exactly what he did and whose life is now ruined as well as those of his parents. The Left has demonized the Right and has convinced too many young people that their families and neighbors who are conservative are dangerous fascists and need to be stopped at whatever cost. Well, Lefties, you are the real fascists. And the hatred that is the source of all your momentum is imploding upon you as the Right mourns the loss of a man who only wanted to have conversations. Gosh, someone else a couple thousand years ago was also killed for just talking to people. Not that Kirk was a savior but he was a martyr for the same cause. And instead of burning down cities, as the Left does when they are upset, we are praying for peace and giving each other solace. We are not the same as the Left. We know how to be still. 

Those who continue to blame the guns for the violence they encourage are engaging in idolatry - giving power to objects. It's not the guns. It's the people. And those who throw the bodies of dead children at us as ammunition against gun rights are the worst kinds of hypocrites. They don't actually care about those children. They are only using their deaths as props for their twisted arguments and to try to hurt those that don't conform to their twisted views. They don't really care about children when they are trying to justify and celebrate the death of a father. Two very young children had to witness their father's neck exploding from a bullet. Yeah, now tell me how much they care about kids.

Our country doesn't have a gun problem. (https://viciousmomma.blogspot.com/2018/10/happiness-is-warm-gun.html)  It has a mental health crisis. The 50 year experiment of closing down mental hospitals is clearly a huge failure. Mental health has always been the last area of concern for society, but it has become so obvious that what has been done is not working to help the ill nor keep the community safe from the unhinged. There are mental illnesses that are encouraged and promoted as protected identities. Doctors are taught to push pills for every complaint in the attempt to subdue, but that's just been more experimentation with negative unforeseen consequences. Prisons and the streets are full of people whose mental health needs haven't been met. And the mentally unstable are especially susceptible to nonstop manipulative media and propaganda that feeds their delusions and paranoia. I don't have all the answers, but first we have to identify the problems and that's what I'm trying to do.

Kirk's assassination was The Turning Point. It's very clear and obvious the difference between the Left and Right, their reactions to this event, and the strong consequences the Left is seeing for their hateful statements and reactions to his killing. Many eyes have been opened and they are making changes to their affiliations. This feels somewhat Biblical. I guess we will see how things unfold from here. Be still and know. 

On a kind of side note I am getting some feelings about this mysterious Comet 3I Atlas that is speeding into our inner solar system from the very far unknown. People are speculating that it's some kind of extraterrestrial alien technology or craft. Maybe it is. There are some valid concerns about its nature and highly unlikely trajectory. But it's more likely that it is just a very rare thing that just happens to be coming at a time when it could be seen as a big sign or harbinger. Comets have always been seen as harbingers of doom or big changes, and actually in my life the times that comets have been visible there have been significant life events, deaths, illnesses, and changes that soon follow. My primary thoughts on this one is that as it passes closer to the sun it will leave debris in the Earth's path that will have big consequences for us - either destructive impacts, new chemical compounds or elements, or even microbial seeds of change. Maybe it's some alien bioforming to make our planet more suitable for their invasion? Maybe it's a gift for further evolution of our own technology and state of being? Maybe it's Jesus's ride for His return? Well, I can't help but let my imagination consider all the possibilities, even the outlandish and highly unlikely. We all like to have our conspiracy theories sometimes. I am watching for news about it anyway and my ideas will adjust to new information. If nothing else I do hope that it will have a beautiful visible tail. Last year's Comet Atlas was quite spectacular and it did portend this year's impressive traumas.

Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,

    an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam

    and the mountains quake with their surging.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

    the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;

    God will help her at break of day.

6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The Lord Almighty is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see what the Lord has done,

    the desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease

    to the ends of the earth.

He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;

    he burns the shields with fire.

10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

    I will be exalted among the nations,

    I will be exalted in the earth.”

11 The Lord Almighty is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress.