Thursday, October 02, 2008

Dear Foreign Friends and Populist Comrades,

I do understand all of your concern about the current "crisis" in the US economy and that you are also very deeply concerned about how it will affect you and your own economies. Please don't assume that the American people don't care about you. We do. But we also would appreciate your understanding about our own reluctance to throw hundreds of billions of dollars into something that has not been adequately explained and justified. We Americans are generally pretty cautious and careful about demands for huge amounts of money without some assurance that it's not some exaggerated version of a Nigerian email scam.

I hope now that the Senate has passed its "rescue plan" (new name for "bailout" that's actually just their lipstick on the pig) and is sending it down to the House, all of you people around the world who have been throwing blame and hatred towards the "ordinary" Americans will finally begin to appreciate us and maybe even send us a little love for all the sacrifices we are going to make for the *global* economy's benefit.

I was thinking last night that perhaps, since it looks like the US economy is the cash cow that keeps the global economy fed, then perhaps we should just extend this socialism to everyone who depends on us. You know, if we fall, they all fall, so wouldn't it be fair to ask for all to contribute? If every man, woman, and child in America is going to have to be 2-3 thousand dollars more in debt to prop up the global economy, then why wouldn't it be fair to ask every man, woman, and child in the *world* to contribute about $50 which would cover about half of the original $700 billion. Well, what's fair is fair, right?

We "ordinary" Americans have had the weight of the world put on our shoulders and the strain is really too much. What we need right now, instead of blame and derision, is a little love and appreciation for our philosophical and practical sacrifices to join the populist socialist comrades around the world.

I'm willing to say that it isn't really the club that I wanted to join, and all of us "ordinary" and "populist" Americans have been involuntarily drafted into it. Generally, our true populism is not socialist nor communist in nature, and that is why America has been so different from the rest of the world. But now you might have some reason to celebrate our coerced conversion. Actually, it would be pretty nice to see some footage on the news of people around the world sending us praise and blessings, instead of all the previous scenes over the years of people cheering about our tragedies. Well, it's a nice but unrealistic thought.

So please, the next time you are thinking evil thoughts about all the selfish and stupid American masses, stop and try to remember that we are paying the largest price, philosophically and fiscally, to keep your world functioning. And while you're at it, the most helpful and constructive thing you can do is to write and send a $50 check to the US Treasury. That would be the best expression of appreciation possible, but I would personally be happy with a "thank you" or "bless you" or even "I love you." :-)

Sincerely,

Your Comrade (in name only), Rae Ann

PS Here is a video that I always thought had a socialist/communist look to it (but it's a great, fun song):



We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're, no friends of mine

Say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind

...

We can dance if we want to
We've got all your life and mine
As long as we abuse it, never going to lose it
Everything will work out right

I say, we can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine

I say, we can dance, we can dance
Everything's out of control
We can dance, we can dance
We're doing it from pole to pole

We can dance, we can dance
Everybody look at your hands
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody's taking the chance

...

3 comments:

Rae Ann said...

I'm certainly not surprised to find zero expressions of appreciation so far. ;-)

Actually, this is one of my favorite letters, almost as good as my Pope letters. So if I have to pat myself on the back and give myself some praises, then so be it.

So what if I'm arrogant, outspoken, and all those other bad American traits? Kiss my ass if you don't like it. :-)

I might not be as smart as I sometimes like to think I am, but by god, I'm pretty damned funny and clever, even if I have to say so myself. Independence is a fundamental American trait, even if it is disappearing these days. And sometimes independence means having to take care of yourself when others won't help at all. And really, I have two lifetime's worth of experience taking care of myself so far. So if no one else is going to show me any love then I'll just have to give it to myself. Amen.

"Cause your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine"

The Guy said...

Hey, I've been busy getting in the harvest. Once the late tomatoes are covered and the first frost is past you'll get sick of all my comments.

I can dance if I want to, and I often do.

Be well Rae, love is like rain.

Ha! funny verification word, one of your kids calling: mmohm!

Rae Ann said...

Dance on! I'll never get sick of your comments. Thanks for taking some time from you busy schedule. Your work must surely keep you well-grounded, pun not really intended but it fits anyway. ;-)