Life plays funny tricks on us sometimes. Aging is one of those. For years I had the toolshed closed up, thinking things were worn out, used up, and retired, but somehow this year everything changed. I've never been sure about where I was in that whole menopause thing due to not having a uterus since 2002. I assumed my ovaries were just limping along doing their thing as best they could but in the absence of periods I just didn't know. I could detect some kind of monthly cycle of changing energy levels, moods, etc., but oftentimes I just didn't pay much attention to that aspect of myself. Really, the toolshed was just rarely opened, just getting the required maintenance and not much else. And I was mostly fine about it.
This year has disrupted everything. The toolshed door got blown open and all the tools seem to be just fine - not broken, not ruined, not in bad shape other than just needing a little extra grease. I think there are a lot of reasons for this big change. This year has brought a lot of really big, rare, and fantastic events. Even back in the winter it started with the huge blizzard and deep freeze that nearly paralyzed our area for two weeks. Then there was the total solar eclipse in April, and being able to go see its nearly 4 minute totality was a "bucket list" experience. In May we had a severe solar storm that brought the Northern Lights all the way down here in a spectacular display of the sun's power. Big energy! Only five months later we got another solar storm of nearly the same strength with more auroras visible to us here. Unfortunately, there was also the catastrophic flooding and other destruction from Hurricane Helene. It boggles the mind to see how much energy was released by the massive movement of all that water and earth and life. And for the last week or so we've been able to see one of the greatest comets of my lifetime. It's been stunning. The sun is in its "solar maximum" which is the most active part of its 11 year activity cycle. Big energy! Seems logical that all that extra energy from the sun would have effects on us too. And I do feel energized, refreshed, rejuvenated.
There is another aspect to this that I'm still trying to figure out. It might just be my imagination. I have to tell myself that it's really okay if it is only my imagination because the way it makes me feel is real. What harm is there in being happy and feeling good just from the thought of something? (Wanting to keep the toolshed open and useful again.) I feel like a freakin' teenager sometimes, full of raging hormonal drive - let me rock you like a hurricane - sorry that was in poor taste but it might illustrate the amount of energy I feel sometimes. Big energy! If it is a fantasy that enhances my life then let me have it. If it is more than fantasy then let me have that too lol. Once a hoe, always a hoe.
I'm constantly analyzing and questioning what's happening. Maybe it's just the last gasping push of stuff before the final exhaustion. Maybe my little old ovaries are in the midst of their final blow-out like a dying star going into supernova. Big energy! I don't know and I'm trying not to worry too much about the ultimate ending of whatever it is. I have to enjoy the present, appreciate the good feelings while they are here, and try not to judge myself harshly for wanting keep riding this wave of big energy as long as possible.
