Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Sometimes my overactive little Hoe brain gets carried away and imagines some wild things. I'm currently entertaining the thoughts that I might be married to a Pitch Fork in disguise. I tried to do the Quiz giving the answers I thought the Mister would choose, but the result was a Guitar and that just didn't really seem to fit him. I guess it doesn't work unless you do your own quiz. I can't really elaborate at this time about the source of my suspicions about this man I've been married to for 14 years. You can be certain that if I'm right you'll be hearing about it. But if nothing more is said then it means that I was engaging in foolish speculations.
I do have a high tolerance for pain. That doesn't mean that I'm happy to hurt and that I don't complain. But it does mean that the pain that would put someone else in bed doped up with pain killers just makes me really grouchy as I go about my usual business. Such is life as a Hoe. So since I'm hurting pretty bad right now I'm a bit grouchy. Please accept my apologies for that.
Monday, May 30, 2005
And an update on the shingles issue, I'm in a lot of pain today. I will definitely go to the doctor tomorrow. I wonder what kind of pain medicine I can talk him into giving me. Too bad I can't get a prescription for medicinal marijuana. I'd say that is safer than oxycontin. And actually, I would refuse a prescription of oxycontin anyway, just like I refused a prescription for xanax about 12 years ago. That doctor was trying to treat my depression with xanax. Not real smart. I was depressed not an idiot.
Well, this is about all my not fabulous enough self can stand right now.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Saturday, May 28, 2005
For some reason I feel the need to discuss a particular kind of animal medicine. Perhaps someone out there needs to hear this message. I don't know. Maybe I just want to write about it for my own benefit. The reason doesn't ultimately matter though. The animal I want to talk about is the Skunk. Yes, laugh if you like, skunks are funny little creatures. But their medicine is just as valuable as any other's.
Skunk represents reputation and sexuality. One of my favorite movie quotes is from Gone With the Wind when Rhett Butler tells Scarlett, "With enough courage, you can do without a reputation." That can easily apply to the stinky little skunk as well as to people. But Skunk medicine is more complex than that. We all know that the skunk can spray its scent in defense, and it's an effective defense at that because it has such a distinctive and permeating odor that the primary reaction to it is to run away. This makes us give great respect to a skunk. But it's message isn't to bully people around with a stink to make them respect you. Skunks are peaceful and shy animals. They always give ample warning before spraying. Their lesson is for us to learn how to manage the energy we sent out to the world because that is what gives us our reputation. If you sent out negativity then people will think of you as a stinky person they want to avoid. But if you sent out positive energy then people will be drawn to you.
That brings us to another lesson of Skunk. We must be careful about the kind of energy we send out because it is possible to manipulate or mislead others. Sometimes people with strong Skunk medicine are what we would consider very sexy and alluring because they exude that kind of energy. They send it out and it permeates like the skunk's scent. Scent is very closely related to sexual responses. It can become easy for someone to abuse their Skunk medicine by luring people with the promise of something they don't plan on delivering. That kind of deception is the result of low self esteem. People must learn that they are valuable to others in more ways than the sexual. But I'm not saying that sexual energy is a bad thing. It's not. It's a great thing. But we must be careful not to use it to manipulate others.
Well, that's just a basic description of Skunk medicine. So the next time you smell or see a skunk (and you'll almost always smell one before you see it) think about your reputation and how it's determined by the energy you send out to others. And to paraphrase Rhett Butler, with courage you can deal with whatever reputation you have or you can change it.
Friday, May 27, 2005
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Oh, yeah, and join the Jolly Rancher experiment. I don't like them myself because they are hard and square and hurt the inside of my mouth. Like any good Hoe I prefer roundish things in my mouth.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Monday, May 23, 2005
It all starts with touch. I'm a very visual person. Some people are very auditory. Some are more attuned to taste or smell. But if you think about it, all of our senses can be traced back to touch. One-celled organisms can only sense their environment through touch. As organisms get more advanced they add taste and smell. And then even more advanced organisms develop sight and hearing, which are the most complex senses. After that comes the 'sixth sense' which is intuition or intelligence to put it all together. So while I'm a visual person I am actually responding to my eyes feeling the light waves touching them. Then the nerve cells repeat that touch all the way to the part of the brain that processes vision. When I see something really beautiful it's like rubbing velvet, which I love. If you don't like rubbing velvet then think of doing something that you do really love. Maybe it's hearing music that sends you to some perfect place. The tactile origins of hearing might be a little easier to describe because we all know that the sound waves move the little bones in our ears which then send that percussion to the auditory part of the brain. It's easier to 'see' that the bones are touching each other and so on. Just think of light waves in the same manner and you can see that it all starts with touch.
When we integrate our senses we tend to dull them down to a point of not being very acute. I don't think it's because our brains aren't capable of handling all the senses at full strength. I think it's mostly laziness. I have more to say about this but I've lost my train of thought and will have to return to it later.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
update, 12-31-06: Well, isn't this a humorous little coincidence? When this post was first published the linked blog was by some guy who was a runner and an excellent writer, but he disappeared soon after being nominated Hoe of the Day. I don't think the two were at all related. ;-) Well, now the linked blog is Cat Pictures Gallery. I think it's mostly one of those blogs set up just to make money off the ads and stuff, but it does have some really cute kitten pictures. ;-) I totally SWEAR on the Bible that I did not know about this before right now. You do have to admit that it's a pretty funny random connection.
(I should restart the Hoe of the Day or at least Hoe of the Week in the New Year.)
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
So, who was Les Baxter, you ask. Well, I didn't know him until I got these cds, but you've probably heard his music somewhere in the background of your life. Here's a quote from the liner notes that helps put him into perspective:
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Hell-O Satan (need one for each car)
Hell-O Satan stash box (for the stash, of course)
Jesus Ashtray (nice companion to the stash box)
And even though she didn't ask, I do believe that I will bestow upon devilboss today's honor of Hoe of the Day. Congratulations, devilboss!! And thank you for introducing me to the wonderfully evil products featured above. Sometimes I just have to indulge that little evil Hoe inside me....
Monday, May 16, 2005
It was good. I liked it a lot. But I have to qualify that. I was a bit out of my mind when I first started watching it. The intro is very bizarre and I was thinking 'what the hell?' for the first 10 or 15 minutes. Then it started making more sense. And I was getting enthralled by the set design and all the weird combinations of sci-fi and white trash culture. The city was obviously futuristic, but the details were all right out of the Generation X catalog of pop culture icons. The Disco Boys and the Corvette limo were totally awesome. Casanova Frankenstein's castle was perfect with the gothic disco look. If I ever built a castle it would probably look like a gothic disco.
The 'ragtag' team of super-heros was funny. Of course I was particularly intrigued by the Shoveler. I think it would have given the story a lot more opportunity for puns if he had been the Hoer. But, I do realize that a shovel makes a better weapon than a hoe. Hoes are generally peace loving and not violent at all. Hoes just aren't well suited for conflict and fighting. We're lovers, not warriors. I've never heard of anyone getting hoed to death.
I think this movie is vastly under-rated and under-appreciated. I'm glad I bought it because it's like The Big Lebowski in that it gets better each time you see it (I've watched it 3 times so far). Even if the story of the 'little guy' being the hero isn't appealing to someone the look of the movie is worth the time to watch it. It's a real visual treat, as I think movies should be. That's why you watch a movie instead of reading a book, so you can see it.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Friday, May 13, 2005
Hostess makes Ho-Hos. They are yummy, as is typical of Hoe food. They are a lot like Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls. But that's just too fancy a name, 'Swiss Cake Rolls'. Don't get me wrong, though, I love Little Debbie cakes. They are made right here in Tennessee, and I even got to tour the bakery when I was a kid. But Ho-Ho is the best name for a delicious chocolate and cream cake roll. Mmm mmm.
And it seems that Keebler has discontinued their Sunshine brand of Hi-Ho Crackers. I like that name too, Hi-Ho. I suspect that the low carb diet craze is responsible for the end of Hi-Ho Crackers. Keebler will probably regret their decision when everyone gets tired of putting their cheese on lettuce leaves or whatever they do now.
Here's a link to a Hoe chip. A company called Yo-Ho Food Products makes them. What a great name for a company, Yo-Ho. I haven't tried these 'Famous Natural Potato Chips'. I'm not sure if they are available around here. I like the packaging.
*I just did a little research and discovered the origin of the hoecake:
Made of corn meal, water and salt, and originally cooked on the flat of a hoe over an open fire, hence the name. Other regional names are Johnnycakes, johnny cakes, jonnycake, ashcake, battercake, corn cake, cornpone, hoecake, hoe cake, journey cake, mush bread, pone, Shawnee cake, jonakin, and jonikin. (from http://www.foodreference.com/html/fhoecake.html)
Ha! See Hoes are cooking utensils too. Can't do that with a Pitch Fork!
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Another one of my favorite famous Hoes is Ben Affleck. I think it's pretty obvious that he's a Hoe. His pal, Matt, isn't a Hoe though. I'm not sure what he is. There are a lot of people who diss Ben Affleck for this and that, but that kind of disrespect comes with the territory of being a Hoe (we're so misunderstood). He is kind of a pretty boy, but I was especially impressed when he was on that Bill O'Reilly show on FoxNews back when the Democratic and Republican conventions were going on. He is much smarter than most people realize, even though he is a liberal. Here's a nice picture of him. I like him with some facial hair.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
You know, that's another reason why Pitch Forks are all pissed at Hoes. We got a dance named after us. They didn't. Man, they sure were mad about that. Stupid Pitch Forks. Personally, though, I think that if they were naming the dance after us they should have at least invited us a few times. But, no. We were always left behind.
(I was going to write something really dirty about another way of defining 'hoedown' but I got lost in the visuals.)
Hoes are a tough bunch because we've survived the advent of a lot of modern power tools and equipment. But all of that has made us especially sensitive to the possibility of being put away and forgotten in favor of some shiny new thing.
Sometimes we get a little over-anxious when it's been a while since someone has put their hands on us. Our biggest fear is to be forgotten or discarded. Sometimes we are susceptible to trying too hard or overachieving in the attempt to avoid being disregarded or overlooked. If you see a jittery Hoe it's most likely because someone isn't paying enough attention to him/her.
Sometimes I wish I could be more like Weedeater. He's so loud and obnoxious and oblivious to what others think about him. He just goes about his business as noisy as he can, but he's not trying to get anyone's attention. He just is. And people put up with his bravado because he is usually a good worker. Though I've seen more than one Weedeater get beat pretty hard when his string gets jammed.
Well no, I wouldn't want to be a Weedeater. They don't usually live very long. What I do wish I could develop is a little more of Weedeater's 'devil-may-care' attitude. He just doesn't worry about things like Hoes do.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Let's talk about Pitch Forks in history. They are bad news. They always have been. How do you think the Devil ended up picking a Pitch Fork for his tool of choice? That was a match made in Hell, that's for sure. And how many stories have you heard about some unsuspecting kid jumping into a haystack where a Pitch Fork was hiding? Lots, I know. And the poor kids always ended up impaled by the nasty Pitch Fork. Most of them died because of it. You've never heard any tales about Hoes killing kids like that. It just doesn't happen. Hoes generally stay out of haystacks to begin with. We don't like that texture of straw, and it's really messy too, which brings me to the jobs that Pitch Forks usually do. They really aren't good for much except moving hay around. That's about it. Honestly, and this isn't slander, it's the truth; Pitch Forks just aren't very useful. I think that's the root of their evil. They have such low self esteem about that it makes them mean. We all know that type.
Okay so that's a little background on that whole evil Pitch Fork thing. I'm sure I'll think of some other bad things they've been responsible for over the years, but that's enough for now. Just mark my words. Beware the evil Pitch Forks. They might appear harmless or at least non-threatening, but just remember, Pitch Forks are very dangerous.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Hummingbird medicine is pure joy. They flee from conflict and ugliness, yet they are quite fierce and tough when they need to be. They exist to bring about happiness and help us find joy in all we do. They also teach us how to use flowers for healing. Hummingbirds will die if caged.
Butterfly medicine is transformation. The life cycle of the butterfly goes from egg, to larva (caterpillar), to pupa (chrysalis), to adult. The transformation from that occurs in the chrysalis is such a mystery. How a soft, wormy thing can become a beautiful, winged insect is amazing and representative of the potential change within us all.
Dragonfly medicine is illusion and the power of light. Dragonfly knows that the way in which things reflect and absorb light determines how they are seen. Dragonfly reminds us to remember that we can change how we perceive things, that we can shine the light on our illusions to help us see the truth.
Lizard medicine is subtlety and keenness of perception. Lizard can feel the vibrations and heat of their insect prey as they move. And Lizard's eyesight can detect the slightest movements. Lizard medicine is clairvoyance and the ability to bridge the conscious and subconscious, as in dreaming. Sometimes Lizard is called the Dreamer.
Spider medicine is creativity and the weaving of fate. By spinning its web Spider is creating the Universe and the fate of all who enter that web. Spider is a creator but is also a destroyer. If you are caught in its web when its hungry you might become its next meal. But we have to remember that feeding the creator is just as honorable and important as any other destiny.
Just like a totem pole this totem hoe has many components. We all do. None of us are just simple sticks, well, except maybe pitch forks.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
You are a hoe.
You are characterized as being used by others, when in fact it is the other way around. You are secretive, especially around those you care most about. Even though you are always one to take control of situations, people can sometimes bring down your self esteem. But don't worry. You have the opposite sex to make all of your dreams come true. Just don't be too dependent on your lover... he may be only using you to tend to his crops.
That is by far the funniest, coolest quiz I've ever taken. A hoe. I've been laughing about this all day ever since I took the quiz last night. I even laughed myself to sleep last night. So, here it's inspired me to start a new blog all about being a Hoe.
Update: Unfortunately that quiz seems to have disappeared.